Is my daughter's boyfriend autistic if he.....

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Before I start with my laundry list let me give you some background info. My daughter is a 30 year old schizophrenic(college grad only noticeable problem is anxiety). Her boyfriend of almost 3 years is 43 years old and still lives at home with his elderly parents. I love him as if he were my own. But there are many things that are odd about him. Both my daughter and I have tried to find out but he claims he is fine and then changes the subject. This would be my first question..is it typical for an autistic person to be in denial of their illness and not want to share even though they are very much loved and always treated with respect?

Okay I will start my list now:

He has obsessions like watching the Wizard of Oz anytime it is on. He is obsessed with Christmas movies and Christmas in general. Last year he and my daughter(who was mortified but loving and patient)had their picture taken with the MACY's Santa.
He is obsessed with collecting and playing board games.

Body movements: he sometimes does this weird motion of rubbing/patting his stomach or constntly running his hand through his hair(too many times)

He has heightened fears. He does not like driving to new places, driving in the rain or snow(will walk 4 miles back and forth to work to avoid a light rain)or bright sun. I hate to see him in pain so I have put at least 1000 miles on my car this year to drive him to appointments and job interviews etc.

Sexual odditities: My daughter who is extremely patient and kind tells me they have never consumated their relationship and when questioned he says he is not ready..huh?? Please explain because sometimes he has been inappropriate with me(my daughter does not know)..he has grabbed me several times briefly and I just pretend I didn't know anything happened as does he..is this some kind of tic??

I had hoped his parents would share with me since we disclosed about my daughter's illness but no they say he is just "happy as a clam". I am very concerned for his future as he only has a extremely mediocre job. I would be more than happy to take care of him but I am ticking his mother off every time I give him things like money or clothes which frustrates me too. His parents and he live in a trailer and we are well off.

Poor manners and childlike and extremely fussy about what he eats. One time I made I was extremely proud of and he said "THAT WAS AWFUL"(this would be okay if he were 8 yrs old, not 43) He has learned from that incident though and just keeps his mouth shut

One more thing he is extremely trusting of peope to the point that he is being taken advantage of. Example: he has been "working" for a company for the last 4-5 months and he has yet to be paid(remember he is dirt poor plus he had to pay gas to go back and forth to this "job".

Do autistic people ever marry? Financially he will be fine if he stays with my daughter..but after all these years it is always the same childish gift every year..a stuffed animal and a snow globe.
Why can't he give her a piece of jewelry or something a little more mature?

I recently discovered his doodles...an entire page filled with stars..all kinds and shapes

My family thinks he is a hopeless cause but I am still holding out hope that he will eventually be part of our family.

Any thoughts?

Oh good God he's a poster child for Aspergers.

'Do autistic people ever marry?'

Yes. It might take him longer but if he loves her then he'll marry her.

It's also possible he's autistic. Other issues could be there as well. A lot of things can LOOK like autism but aren't. Maybe a delay plus anxiety? Maybe a personality disorder? Maybe he's just young at heart? You can't be sure. It sounds like it, tohugh.

'Why can't he give her a piece of jewelry or something a little more mature? '

Maybe She likes the snowglobe?

I'd watch out with these over-generalizing questions. The bulk of people on this sight are autistic themselves, may of them happily weird and married. Just letting you know that some of them may take offense.

Sorry if I am doing this reply in the wrong place. I didn't see a button to reply to a particular poster. But to answer I do accept and love him unconditionally. I ONLY want him to open up and tell us that he recognizes he has a problem(and give it a name) so that I know exactly how to deal with him on a long term basis. I want him in our family. It isn't about what he gives or the value of his gifts that is important to me or anyone. I am jsut trying to understand him. I don't think it is helpful to pretend that nothing is wrong and expecting everyone else who is part of your life to go on with this pretense of being normal.

He is what he is and apart from medication that may help with anxiety issues with the driving, he's not going to change. So if he is on the autistic spectrum, and I'd highly suspect that he is, or not, he is who he is. If the relationship is worth it, your daughter and yourself will learn to dismiss his odd behaviors and lack of manners as a part of who he is.

And yes, people with Asperger's marry. Yes, most live independent, relatively normal lives and most people would not know the were Autistic. I myself am on the spectrum with a husband who is on the spectrum, we've been together for 12 years now and have 4 children. Our oldest is our only biological child and has high-functioning autism. We're a quirky family of homebodies, but we mostly fly under the radar and appear a normal family(other than the fact that our 3 adopted children are black and multi-ethnic).

Yes some autistics do marry.

its not uncommon
I don't care if whomever I end up with is aspie or not personally

Can you not know how to accept and how to treat him unless he has a diagnosis? Must he have a neurological condition for you to accept his behavior; cannot it not merely be who he is at heart?

I also think many people will take offense to the line "I want him to recognize he has a problem." Many of us on the spectrum do not view it as a problem, particularly not one we need to "accept" in that way. It almost sounds like equating autism and alcoholism or drug addiction, a comparison which makes no sense to me.

Maybe he is autistic, maybe he's just different, either way your badgering him or his family about it will solve nothing.

he does sound autistic, if you think he may be autistic would he take like an autistic quiz? or maybe will ur daughter take one for him? that might be the best start especially if hes in denial. I dont have the link on me right now because im using the other computer, but ask around there are many helpful ppl on this site, good luck.

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Being Normal Is Vastly Overrated

Why do you wish there to be a name to this "problem" ? It could very well be possible he doesn't know it's a problem. When I was 18, I practically proposed to my girlfriend. She wasn't interested in marriage, but I was, and more.

If you hint there is a problem it could be possible the hint you give is being missed unless you are direct. If you have something to say, say it. I personally hate it when people get to the point so slowly, I ask them "Why didn't you say that in the first place instead of telling me like that?"

When I was growing up, I wasn't aware the "problem" could be with me. For all I know, it is not me with the problem but with other people instead...

There are probably thousands of people who are diagnosed as something else that doesn't fit. He could be one of them

I believe he shows the classic signs of AS. As for being "grabbie" you should speak to him . He could be playing around, yet he should not do that.