Aspies: Would you/do you have children?

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Knowing your own difficulties, do you feel that you could have/raise a child successfully? Does the fact that a child might be born with similar (hereditary) difficulties make you any less likely to want children? Do you think Aspies can be/are good parents?

I'm 24 and have started to think about the eventual possibility of having a child at some point in the future. The idea both makes me happy and scares me. I am afraid that I wouldn't be able to cope, especially if my child was autistic too. But I know there are autistic parents who have had and succesfully raised kids, even when the children had disabilities too.

So I'm asking what any of you with an ASD feel about having children, and/or how you are coping if you do have kids.

I don't really like kids. At all. I think being an aunt will be enough for me. Really it has little to do with AS though. I just hate kids.

I want a son just like me as my revenge on the world

I wouldn't put this on any children of mine, my childhood was too much. But I have more then just autism. I won't have kids. I'm perfectly happy with my fur-kids.

I do not want kids but not because of AS. I loathe the idea of being pregnant and can't stand babies.

I don't know. My dad constantly is guilt tripping himself over my having Asperger's Syndrome, or my sister and I being fat because he's fat himself. I feel like if I had a kid I'd probably be feeling the same kind of guilt too, even if my kids said it was okay. I think a part of being Aspie is wanting control, and you can't control everything in your child's life so it's perfect for them, and that can be hard to get past.

Then I also think sometimes theoretically, had my parents not gotten together I wouldn't exsist and how horrible that would be. I mean, in a sort of sense of not really knowing what it feels like to be non-exsistant, but I imagine it's not as good as being alive. So what if I didn't have kids, and they would've had an enjoyable experience, but they never had that chance because I didn't give it to them.

It really is difficult to decide, cause there's the tendency to want to over-think it into the ground, with all the "What ifs" that are possible.

ok since i am not yet diagnosed with AS ect i dont know how valid my answer is..?

anyways, i think i would like to have a child, if i met the right woman for me, and i think i would actually prefer an AS partner aswel and i would not mind having an AS child, as if i had a NT child it would be more difficult to relate to this child..

but since there dosnt seem to be a huge supply of AS women in my town i guess for now its just an idea:)

my society is somewhat "cold" and so i think raising a AS child here could very well work without much difficulties.

I have a 6yo daughter and I agree with violet_yoshi that the wanting control is one of the hardest things. There are lots of things about it that are hard & it takes a lot of learning but it is really rewarding.

I like the idea of some day have a kid, I would love to raise them with some of the good things in my childhood and not do some of the things that were bad to me. My dad would give me a bit of a hard time with some things, like learning to read and other things, and seeing the way my mum can start to yell at my possibly aspie younger brother, when I can kind of see how he could easily be helped. I gues that is a feeling of helping a kid would be like helping my child self, but I think it would be an interesting thing to do, but only if I think I could be a reliable person, which I often fear might never hapen.

I love those sorts of questions! For me, there's two possibilities - Either my mind existed b4 I was conceived, and created the causes ('karma') to be reborn autistic etc., or (more likely) there's nothing of us that can exist b4 birth or after death (including the 'feeling of being non-existent'), so that it's all random chance - a lottery - as to what kind of creature we were born as. I can't see enough evidence that there's some essence or plan (outside of space and time and apart from 'karma') that means we were destined to be who we are.

So either way, if your parents hadn't hit it off, you'd still be something, since we all have to be some1. Your personality, and the mind that deals with your personality, function as two separate properties, something I intend to prove

I'd never have kids though (partly y I've never had sex!), since I wouldn't wish my pain on anything - 'The greatest happiness for the greatest number' is enough morality to live by as far as I can see.

Last edited by undefineable on 08 Dec 2008, 3:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

With having issues sleeping without my meds, I am scared I might never be able to sleep because I will have a newborn I would have to take care of and they need to be fed around the clock and changed. It takes me hours to go to sleep and babies need to be fed every four hours. My boyfriend works nights.


I am also afraid I will accidentally drop my child, my child will die in his or her playpen, not give it enough food, my child will be severely handicapped and of course the stress. I know they make messes, need lot of attention and supervision, they will lie and test the rules you give them and I am gullible.

I didn't even know I had Asperger's until a couple of years ago. My husband and I raised two children, and looking back, I think the only difference knowing would have made is that I might have been a better mother. Luckily, my husband probably made up for most of my deficiencies, but it would have been easier on everyone if we had known. I see some aspie quaities in my children, but nothing that would make me wish I hadn't had them.

I want to have kids sometime in the future. Maybe when I'm 27 or something. I think I'd be a pretty good mother.

no, I don't like to do things that don't have the option Ctrl+Z if I change my mind about them one day and want to "undo" them.

I would encourage anyone who won't have a child because of their AS to throw that idea away. The child won't be you, won't have your life - they're a different individual in a different environment. Growing up is difficult - AS or NT.

We chose not to have children because the idea wasn't on our top 10 list. My feeling is that you should only have a child if it's #1 on your list of things you want to do. Otherwise it's not fair to the child.

I know I would be a good father, and would have liked that. I can understand mitharatowen's position though.

Lightning88,

I bet you're right. And 27 is probably a good age. If you got married at 22 or 23(about the age most do), you would get to know your husband well, could have a nice business, and have less stress and more ability to raise a child. Too many have a child early in the marriage illprepared, and one of the spouses decides to quit and has the other raise the child.