How Did You Explain Your Social Difficulties to Yourself?

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Before discovering Asperger's syndrome and the autistic spectrum, how did you explain your social difficulties to yourself? Did you attribute them to another psychiatric condition (e.g., attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, a social phobia), general shyness, or something else? Were you just plain oblivious to your difficulties until someone pointed them out to you?

I considered myself to be just somewhat shy, intelligent, and geeky before I found out about and accepted having Asperger's syndrome. Since other people were shy or geeky or whatever and still managed to make friends and avoid being bullied, I thought, moreover, that I was cursed. I thought my whole family was somehow automatically marked as inferior (although this didn't seem to apply to my sister). My brother was kind of geeky for a time too. My dad also had some behavioral oddities, and my grandpa and dad both sometimes thought there was some inherited oddity, a propensity to a certain silliness, (although they didn't necessarily think it was a bad thing) that led them to act somewhat strangely sometimes in social situations, apparently out of not knowing a better way to get on socially.

I didn't consider my mom's side of the family, though. In retrospect, her side of the family probably has more autistic traits than my dad's. One of my maternal uncles, Ronald, lives alone; has several extensive collections of things (e.g., rocks and minerals, including radioactive ore); has a somewhat unusual sense of humor; can mimic the sounds of crickets, frogs, and the like; and has (or had) an interest in science fiction and other typically geeky things.

My only paternal uncle, Steven, is very straight laced. He's trying to compensate for that by letting his children get video games like Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (while telling them that it's, of course, wrong to really do the things they do in those games) and other things. Career-wise, his job is pretty sweet, literally. He's a vice-president in some department of a candy company that some of you might have heard of (a distant relative through marriage owns it and two other candy companies). He doesn't seem to have any signs of a shadow Asperger's syndrome, though.

That's how I explained it to myself. No matter where I was - school, church, family gatherings - I always managed to get singled out for teasing. It never failed. And I never could manage to change whatever it was that caused my problems. I used to get teased for being fat. So I lost weight. Then it was "oh, she looks like a man" so I did my best to change the way I dressed and everything. It never ended. I was a junior in high school when I was picked on for being "crazy" so I got on meds to see if it would shut them up. I got a whole host of side effects and a misdiagnosis, but the teasing didn't end. It didn't help that there were people who were heavier, uglier, shyer, more poorly dressed, etc. that still managed to fit in somewhere. Why didn't *THEY* receive the endless criticism that I did? I was 17 when I started experiencing this awful bone-crushing anxiety when I was around my peers. It mainly happened at church, where the most insidious bullying was taking place at that time.

I tried to imitate other people who didn't get teased in various ways, and we can all guess how well that worked.

In college, outright bullying went away (for the most part); criticism about my beliefs and my perceptions of the world took over. No matter what I did or said, someone always tried to shoot holes in it. I changed my views on religion, abortion, politics, etc. This time, it was of my own accord and not to please anyone - but I still got the same crap as I did when I held my previous beliefs. How could I think totally different about a subject and still be as wrong as before? I attempted suicide to get away from the feeling of constantly being wrong.

I always thought that my shyness was directly related to the number of hours a day I spend alone in front of the TV or computer. I never could figure out why I had problems in gym class where I couldn't play sports that involved lots of people running around in different directions tossing/hitting a ball of some sort to one another. All I knew was that I had this irrational fear of getting hurt

My junior and senior year in high school I pretty much withdrew into my own little world, I don't think I said three words in those two years. Anyway, I always assumed that I had missed something that everyone else had learned.

I just considered myself very poor at social communication and very shy.

I also considered myself as having no common sense. I didn't like this, but it was how OTHER people interpreted me. My friends used to describe me like this "You are really intelligent but you have no common sense whatsoever". The great thing about my best friend was that he acted as my common sense. We were perfect as friends, he didn't crave popularity and actually was the one who became my friend rather than vice versa. We had one big fall out as kids, but other than that we were great friends. Unfortunately we have fallen apart naturally, he is now married with kids and has his own business and I went to university and followed my own path.

Oblivious completely

I chalked it up to my deafness. . . . .and I figured that I was just used to being alone all the time.

Now I don't know what to chalk it up to. . .probably not AS.

Its not something I spend a lot of time thinking on.

I thought that I had a social anxiety disorder, exteme shyness. I didn't fully understand how far from the norm I was because I didn't know how other people saw the world. (Later as I came to know some normal people, my differences became more apparant to me.)

I developed an attitude of "hating the human race." I felt I had been singled out to be outcast for some reason unknown to me.

I was (and still am) extremely clumsy, so I would avoid anything that would highlight this problem.

About my senior year of highschool I realized that I had to improve myself or I'd be a loser forever. I started weight-lifting and made a huge effort to be friendlier to classmates. I went to community college and had a few friends because I joined a band. After community college I moved out of home and by doing so catalysed my next evolution, becoming more of who I am today.

i really didnt. and i dont really believe in changing the way i am. and im not too intrested in hanging out with people who want to "rescue" me. i dont need rescuing. maybe im just stubborn who knows. everyone who knows me knows how i am and act so i dont really know if it bothers them. im sure it doesnt.

I had no idea; I just thought I was shy and defensive. I tried emulating others but it always felt fake. I was just known as someone who had their own ideas. I did however have a best friend who is still a friend today and "temporary" friends. I always wanted a new start somewhere, anywhere. I know I seemed ill tempered and hard to get along with to others. I just felt (and sometimes still do) like I always had to defend myself around others.

My son however has told me from the time he was 3 years old that he was different from other kids. At the age of 12, he is very much aware of his difference and like myself is very defensive. He likes who he is most of the time but I can see him struggle with social situations. I’ve been home schooling him since the middle of 3rd grade and it has made a huge difference.

My family is a little over the top, therefore he seems to prefer his father's family. He doesn't understand how to deal with my family. At gatherings I get overwhelmed and need space or leave early. This is also extended to my son.

My son is a musician and ever Saturday he plays music with different people. He is learning slowing to deal with all of these personalities. Music is his obsession and because this is the only opportunity available for him, he is willing to hang in there. This I think and hope will help him get a better understanding of himself. For the very first time since he was 3 years old, he is truly happy. His friendships only last every Saturday but I see him opening himself up slowly to possibilities. He’s willing to check out this site.

I had concluded that whatever part of the brain is responsible for learning the social stuff and understanding certain aspects of language must have got swapped over in my brain, and that in its place, in my brain, the same part deals with automatic language processing (esp. learning programming language and reading/writing).

I had a similar situation to you with the Mum/Dad's side of the family. My Mum has always been "difficult" and people on that side are very chaotic and some very eccentric, but I have realised I am much more like my Dad, and his side of the family has loads of autistic traits going on.

I used to think I was just better than everyone else, and that normal people were just focused on stupid and useless things.

EDIT: Actually, I still think the above!

People tell me I'm handsome or cute, but the reason they don't hang around with me is because that's all I really have going for me.
My beauty is skin-deep. I'm almost completely shallow, so no one wants to talk to me for more than an hour or two.

I blamed it on perpetually being the new kids, and since I seem to have enough friends now, continue to think that was actually an enourmous factor in it all.

For a long time: weird, eccentric, smart, creative.

And then in high school, once I discovered Psychology, I went on the "Disorders Search" trying on different disorders. Some of them fit. But only partially.

And then I found Aspergers in late Spring of 2004.

The complete cultural obliviousness I wrote off to having never owned a TV. That explanation used to satisfy anyone who asked and would always make for about five minutes of successful conversation before they got bored with the novelty of a kid who didn't know the difference between Marilyn Monroe and Marilyn Manson.

The rest of it got written off to intelligence. I assumed I was too "gifted" to fit in with the normals, but not quite gifted enough to get discovered and sent off to a special school.