Being Happy with No Recognition

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I wonder if the secret to happiness is being happy with no recognition while living in our own creative, gifted worlds.

My little dog is getting better, after I did a few intelligent things. I think that I can be happy doing my little acts of genius in my own little world, without getting any recognition.

Is that a key to Asperger happiness, doing things in our own little worlds, that are not recognized by others as achievements? While the far-less-talented NTs out there get lots of degrees, awards and recognition for being merely present and jumping through hoops?

I yearn for the kind of emotional stability that allows me to live in my own little world without needing so much feedback from others (more in the sense that my observation-based guesses are on track rather than recognition for whatever talent or simple facility I may have).

Yes, there is the disorientation, too, that comes from not getting accurate feedback for our social or other behavior. The disorientation feels emotionally destabilizing.

Tough call on this one. The short answer is; it varies.

Sometimes lots of praise for what I do.

Other times, it's the black hole. Like now, for instance, lol.

I'll average it out and say that it's occasional.

I know this answer is no help at all, sorry.

No, it is helpful, that's pretty close to mine... that's why I picked "black hole".

I definitely think part of being happy, NT or otherwise, is being able to get on with your life without needing to be constantly praised or given attention. It should be enough to know you did something well rather than having to be validated by other people.

Perhaps I should clarify that the context of this thread carries no suggestion about getting constant praise. It is not about life in general, so that kind of NT "buck it up and stop being a loser" talk doesn't really apply here.

This thread is about autism-specific focus issue of lack of recognition for achievements and accomplishments. I am thinking that the level of recognition that autistic people get for their accomplishments, talents and achievements, can often be less than what society leads us to expect. Flawed feedback loops may arise around people who lack social skills, that result in their professional skills or gifted talents being underrated or unrecognized. Indeed, poor self esteem despite being talented seems to be a lingering issue for some Asperger people.

My suggestion that instead of internalizing the lack of recognition as a poor self image, it is perhaps a happiness skill of autistic people to make a special effort to be independent from what may be a flawed feedback loop caused by social skills issues.

I think it's crucial to find happiness for yourself, in the things you do, whether you get recognition or not. Perhaps it's mid-life or the AS dx, or both combined, but I find that I am happier and happier just being myself and doing the things I enjoy. Right now, much of it is a sense of relief; for most of my life, I've done so many things to make others happy, to be accepted, to feel part of a group. Since my dx, I've realized that I'll always be the odd one out of any social group (except with other Aspies, of course), and so I'm winding down on doing things so that I'll be seen and accepted properly. I've been struggling with this one for a long time, and the dx kind of put me over the top. I am much happier now, and it's only been a month and a half since the dx.

One of the things I do that makes me very happy is volunteer service in my community. I know I am helping in the community, and that gives me a feeling of satisfaction. Lately, one of the newsleters for an organization I volunteer for wrote a profile of me, and it was incredibly praiseworthy. I found that I wasn't so much happy for the praise (though I don't mind it, obviously), as for the relief of seeing the way in which others view me at that job. It's reduced my anxiety considerably, because up to now, I've been guessing. Having it written down in black and white was very helpful.

Thanks so much for your comment. Again, here is the theme of having happiness in the things you do apart from any competitive feeling of how you rate at it compared to other people, and (in your second paragraph) avoiding the feeling of anxiety and disorientation that comes from being AS and not having enough feedback in some job or area of your achievement.

I actually view these two separate issues (1) being oriented and validated by job and performance feedback versus (2) simply being happy in what you are doing, without any recognition or scoring against the competition, as being of two different stages in life. When I was younger, and winning scholarships and receiving awards and doing notable things, it was great to get the feedback and I was disoriented when I didn't get any. The benefits of feedback in helping get AS people over feeling disoriented and anxious, can be so essential in any situation when you are just starting out in a new thing, like your new volunteer career, or a new field of study. So (1) is critical for getting oriented and feeling secure in your new thing (esp. involving other people).

I think (2), simply being happy in what you are doing without any recognition or scoring against how others perform in the same thing, comes later, when you are good enough in the things that you do, that you don't need the orientation and validation. So the difference between feedback (early stage of learning a thing) and recognition (someone noting your accomplishment) is that the feedback is for people early in the learning process and recognition is for people who are becoming more accomplished and, perhaps, doing new things that others have not done before.

Without recognition, I feel that having accomplishments is kind of like being out there on your own, in new ground, but without anyone to know what you are doing and discovering. I kind of wonder, how many great poets, artists, thinkers and inventors went "undiscovered", who were working in isolation because they had Asperger syndrome and weren't surrounded by a formal infrastructure of critics and fans as they worked on their "special interest". Even if you are working in some professional circle, if you are original enough, you can quickly get to the point where others are not really qualified to comment on or understand your particular line of inquiry. In any case, I think that most people eventually get to the point where you are fulfilled in your own universe of "special interests" without external recognition for what you are doing.

I suppose I was lucky because for so long my special interests overlapped with professional opportunity. But now, they don't, and I have to learn to be an isolated AS special-interest person again, in order to do the things I want to do in the way I want to do them. And I have to refamiliarize myself with not having critics and rewarders and recognition.

Growing older and wiser topic

At my age, people are surprised that i know as much as I do. I suppose it is a shock to many that I do not suffer from age related dementia!!

Good to have a sense of humour!

Another poll heavily biased toward the negative.

I am constantly getting praise and admiration for my alleged talents and creatvity.
But I personally don't see it, therefore I humbly thank the person for their kind assessment and immediately dismiss it.
I don't think I have any special "gifts" (what a stupid word anyway), talents or excessive creativity. I am simply an average person.

I try to not make negative or leading-the-witness polls. Must have missed on this one, sorry.

But there was a place for your answer if you voted, so it wasn't all negative.

You're correct, so it is obvious which selection I made.

My problem is not in so much needing recognition or validation. What I constantly crave is this desire to share my fascinations with others. I get so lonely mainly because it seems like there are so few people in this world that can appreciate the things I appreciate, the things that move me deeply. Sometimes it’s like this alienation falsifies my joy. I don’t know if anyone knows what I’m talking about here.

Yes, this is true too. Nobody wants to hear my elaborate theories in my special interests... at least not the ones that are uncommon. That is a special kind of loneliness.

I had a talent that was really well recognised - Im really really good at breaking into houses. It didnt get me good recognition though.

Im pretty much happy with everything I do though, becuase I know how much work I put into it, and how much harder it is for me than most others. I figure if no one recognises it, thats a bonus, as it means I pass for normal.