Ultimatum.

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I've been getting increasingly stressful and feel like I have had enough.
I had a long hard think last night and came to the conclusion that no matter what tablets or help I get; I will never be 'normal' and I see no way out, I mean, how am I meant to ever find somebody to love me for who I am? People would judge and think I am mentally ill or they should just stay away and I'm not good at rejection.
Afer everything in my childhood, being bullied and not speaking to half of my family it's time to make a desicion.
My mum says that I am too intelliegent yet arrogant which is true and I despise it,
I'm not really making an effort to be articulate right now.
Me and my Mum had a talk last night and I told her that I feel suicidal which I feel guilty about because it isn't fair to tell a loved one that but it's either I commit suicide or I'll end up being mentally ill or a psychopath because I cannot go on.
I'm so tired of deep-thinking and feeling like I deserve more than what I have, if I had a switch
I would make the unconfidnet people attractive (because lets face it you've got to fancy yourself to be classed as that), I would make all the governments and celebrites in the world solve the pverty and homeless problem and I would make these silly slaggy, stereotypical people feel as bad as I do because I don't see why I should be discriminated for bing intellgent, and I thought it would actually make me get further in life, more fool me.
I have no willpower and I get bored easily plus everytime I start on something positive something will always happen to bring me back down and these feelings give me dark thoughts, I know I havn't come across as articulate or anyhing but I feel hopeless right now, somebody relate to me?... Please?!

Thankyou

I know how you feel.

I wish I had an answer for you, but If I did, I'd probably would understand completely how you feel.

I understand how it feels to know that in your head you know so much but have no outlet for it. To feels constantly the pointlessness of your existence.

To feel as if your sleepwalking through life and and to feel like it's a nightmare you can't escape from.

Hope you find the answer...and if you do can you tell me!

Thanks alot for your support and I agree totally, there's no outlet yet I have so much to give but people aren't accepting enough, I don't know, it's confusing.

I will tell you this, on my good days what occurs to me is that all that I'm going through, there's a point to it, That the pain I feel is causing my brain to work in ways that others don't. And that one day it will all fall into place. That I had to go through this to become the person I'm meant to be. To do the things I'm meant to do and think the things I'm meant to think. That while I may not understand everything that's going on one day I will and it will have all been worth it.

If not I'm so building a time machine to tell my past self that it's just give up, the hell with the paradox factor!

Yes, I can relate. Everything you are saying sounds like what I said and felt when I was 16 and in some of the darkest days of my life.

The difficulty with being a teenager is that you haven't lived long enough to know that things change, and that you won't feel as you do right now forever. I hope that doesn't sound patronizing or anything. It's just an observation that I've worked out for myself to explain why I can navigate impossible things now much better than when I was younger. I have the experience of good times and bad times, and when I'm in a bad time, I can say "This, too, shall pass."

Plus, high school is the most unforgiving time of life for anyone who is the least bit different from the norm. It's wretched. Please, believe me when I say that the rest of life is not like high school. You will not be bullied or considered abnormal for the rest of your life. I experienced all that in high school, and when I left and got out on my own, I found lots and lots of people i would not describe as conventional in any way. They accepted me. It hasn't all been a bed of roses or anything, but I've found love and friendship, marriage and kids, work I liked---all the things that seemed completely impossible.

I want to tell you that I had a friend in high school who committed suicide when we were 17. He was one of the sweetest and most brilliant people I've ever known, and very likely an Aspie as well. Of course, he was awkward and different and eccentric, so he wasn't exactly at the center of the party in high school. He killed himself, I think, because he couldn't see beyond high school. It still makes me sad to think that he never made it past adolescence, because he would have gone on in life and met women worthy of him, and found work that mattered, and had a family and colleagues who respected him. It makes me angry, too, that he took himself out so early. I would love to be able to share with him all that's happened over the past 30+ years. He was one of the most genuine and honest people I've ever met. I wish I could bring him back. It's such a waste that he's gone.

So please, hang in there and don't let your pessimism send you over the edge. You will find your way, of that I have no doubt, if you just believe that life will get better. I know it's hard, but I'm sending you a message from the future--your future. I was once much like you, and now I am 50 and glad I held on and demanded something better of life.

Hope this helps.

Me too. I see everyone else have more than me, and they don't deserve these things. So here I am thinking, if they have this, then there is no reason why I should have less than them. More friends, more money, more freedom, more material things (cars, their own nice place), more chances at meeting women. Most people I know don't deserve these things, in my humble opinion.



Holy f**k! Can I ever relate to that. That's why I smoke dope everyday. I can't focus on anything that is not drug-related for more than 5 minutes.

Absolutely! The less sensitive, the less concerned, the less overwhelmed with thoughts, the sweeter life would be.

Imagine how sweet life would be if we were just like the person standing next to us in the grocery store line, at any given time!

SAME HERE!



SAME HERE!



SAME HERE!



It would be NICE if the DECENT people were the only attractive/fortunate ones. c'est la vie



Actually, poverty and homelessness will be around for at least another century or so. The problem is due more to the "victims" than others. In fact, most people in movies, etc... make VERY little! I had a chance to be in the latest film here with Kevin James. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kevin_James_(actor) If I would have been paid a decent amount, I would probably have JUMPED at it.

STARS have a part that can't easily be replaced, and they have agents that basically use that as leverage to make a lot of money. If they get a good enough part, or work things up enough, companies believe they can make a mediocre and poorly advertised movie POPULAR. That means they are offered more money. They may also, being such a big part of the movie, get a share in the profits.

As for governments, they have NO money! The money is based on stealing value from the citizens.

People taking more risk, providing more value/labor, MUST be paid more! If they aren't, they will STOP! It is called INCENTIVE! So, poverty WILL exist!

As for homelessness, some don't care about their places AT ALL! Such people will cause those providing the places to have more risk. So finding a place will be harder. It ALSO goes hand in hand with poverty. So, homelessness will exist.

I am SICK of the "holier than thou" jerks that believe otherwise. And HOW do you think homes get built?



JOIN THE CLUB!

I feel for ya bro, I was like that as well when I was your age a few years ago. Overly stimulated by annoying things yet not able to find the right stimuli for me, not getting the hang of competition, trying to find my "niche" (the goth kids thought I was too weird lol). It will all change bro - just focus on the now, not the then. Your high school years are only the beginning... you'll still have your youth after its over. Hope all works out for ya. Best of luck.

I know this may not come as much solace to you, but as Aspies we will all continually suffer. One lesson in life i learned from my canadian friend Irene. She's 21 and a cancer survivor. She taught me the following phrase:

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain".

That phrase has gfiven me strength to tolerate life day-to-day. Even as we speak I suspect my girlfriend of cheating on me, but I know it's just me being paranoid. I trust in the goodnesses and saving graces of life and maintain my integrity. Even if she does leave me I know that I am the best I can be and I await the next lucky lady who may be worthy of my love.

I do get bored with life being so could be better for so many people and so on, and what could I do to make a difference, and I've gone through one hopelessness to the next, and I have found my answer: I plan to become wealthy enough to create the change I would like to see in impovrished countries...... Unfortunatly, I still have some feelings of hopelessness, although about different things.

Padium, that is I admit, a very good idea. It's gonna take a lot of hard work, but I'm sure you can do it. Once you dedicate yourself, then nothing is beyond your reach. I wish you the best.

I know how you feel to some extent, though I've never been suicidal. Sometimes I've felt that I'll go mad, though, or even that I am mad.

You mention tablets - what kind? I've been on paroxetene (Paxil/Seroxat) since I was 13 and I've come to feel it keeps me in a sort of chemically-induced limbo where I'm miserable but not quite miserable enough to be motivated to change anything.

As you get older you may find you come in contact with more different kinds of people, and maybe you will find people who are more accepting than the ones you've met so far. I have, which makes things at least somewhat better, though I am still a very lonely and depressed person much of the time.