When you run into people unexpectedly

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does your brain feel 'scattered' and you feel like it takes you time to gather your 'composure'. Are you easily 'startled'? Do you like to run into acquaintances unexpectedly...knowing that they will expect you to 'chat'?

I sometimes do not even recognize people I encounter unexpectedly, especially if I am accustomed to only encountering them in particular places). On the other hand if and when I recognize others in unexpected places before they approach me, I feel really pleased with myself, and feel quite 'clever' for having seen and recognized them before they brought themselves to my attention.

But usually they approach me, and even if I recognize them, unless I know them really well it's always very uncomfortable and I have no idea quite what to do, how long to chat for, or what to say (as you describe I feel quite brain-scattered with the unexpectedness of it all, and the need to transition from what I was thinking about to the person I am confronted with). This has sometimes even been the case with close family members I've come across unexpectedly.

It really depends on who.

With people I haven't seen in years, then yes, it is rather disquieting when I unexpectedly run into them. A couple of months ago I ran into somebody who recognized me from the fifth grade. Holy crap, it was twenty years ago, we were ten! How is that possible? Perhaps if it's somebody I haven seen in a few months, say a professional acquantance, it usually recognize them, but can't place them anywhere. I don't usually forget the faces, I just can't connect them in my head to places or names. I'm horrible with names - you can tell me your name, I will repeat it back to you, say it in my head fifteen times while picturing your face and the hat you were wearing, and still forget it by the next day. I have neighbours I've lived next to for two years here and can't remember thier names. I need to look them up in the phone book sometimes just to get thier names. It's rather embarrasing. But I digress. Yes, I do find it startling, and find myself unprepared when I encounter somebody I haven't seen in a few years; but I don't necessarily find it unpleasant assuming I liked them in the first place.

If it's somebody I see on a regular basis anyway, then no, it's quite natural (well, assuming I don't run into them in a "video store" or something), even as if the surprise itself is pleasant. I guess it takes my mind off of whatever it's currently rambling on about, gives my brain a rest.

If it's a whole group of people, then the answer is a resounding NO. I'd rather eat broken glass than run into a crowd of people, even friends, I'm not expecting to meet. It's always incredibly awkward when I wasn't invited wherever they were going.

YES. This happens to me in most social encounters, unless I have thoroughly prepared for exactly who will be there and what will happen. When I meet people unexpectedly, it is a minor shock to my system. It does take a noticeable pause for me to process what is going on. I know that I probably react inappropriately, and come off as rude or strange. I seem to have odd body postures and facial expressions sometimes, and when others "catch" me in one of these states, it is highly embarrassing. So I usually have several things going against me even before the first word is said. I will sometimes stutter or talk too fast, or too quietly, or say something that I had been thinking about which is unrelated to the topic of conversation.


NO. I don't like to run into anyone unexpectedly. I will generally avoid acquaintances, even though I know they are friendly and could potentially engage in some kind of meaningful exchange of words. So if I see someone I know in a crowd, and they don't see me, I will turn away and pretend that I never noticed them. One less chance for misunderstanding, as far as I'm concerned. That sounds terrible though. I don't want things to be that way, but I don't know quite how to change it.

Lord, hearing myself say these things is starting to get depressing. I never realized that I did all this stuff to this extent. Thinking about everything through the AS lens is miraculous, but also something of a downer...........

Yeah, happens to me too. Awful when you can't remember names or faces or put them together, especially as people age and look different. I am usually thrown completely, especially if I can't think of things to say, leaves me feeling pretty awkward and upset with myself for my lack of social ability.

Gets to the point where if you see someone you might know you try to avoid them to avoid awkward moments.


john

Pandd, your post describes me exactly.

I have now taken to walking 45 minutes to my workplace rather than take the bus. It's guaranteed I will bump into someone I know on the bus, certainly on the way into town in the morning. That means having to chat with them - anywhere else would be fine, but not the bus, a confined space with mostly strangers. Everyone knowing my business. Having to answer personal questions on the bus, sometimes. No privacy whatsoever. Walking has become preferable.

I have a definite problem when I see people that I know from my local trails (both runners and mountain bikers) in their every day clothes at the supermarket or hardware store. If they spoke first, I used to blurt out "I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!", but luckily have gotten over that. I have private names for them like "Old Hippie Mountain Biker" or "Red Hat Lady", and try very hard not to ever call them that out loud. I have no problem talking to them in the woods, but I never can think of what to say back in civilization. "So... I see you're buying beets..."?

I hate acquaintances, just because we met in high school and had good times, am I supposed to chat with them every time we meet in the street? With the risk of being invited to some social event? Those are a lot of times! I can't afford that much, it is already a problem with chatting sessions I can foresee... Specially in a small city like this... I try not to make eye contact with people when walking. For real, my lone walks are supposed to be relaxing, don't disrupt it...

I am in complete agreement on the names and faces thing. I will draw a blank all the time for names. I pretty much have given up on using peoples names when I talk to them so I won't have to worry about forgetting it.

I don't mind too much running into people but I never notice them until they approach me. I always lose the name in those situations though, unless they are family or someone I have known for a long time.

I hate that! I have no idea what to do or say and it's just really awkward. Usually if I see someone I know, I put my head down, and pretend I never saw them, before they see me.

This happened to me two days ago. I saw a girl I knew from my old high school at a restaurant. I live in a small town so this happens often. It was really uncomfortable. I said high, and she hugged me *gag*

When we left was the worst. I didn't know how to say goodbye, if I should just wave or go up to her. I waved. My mom got mad at me and told me to go in there and give her an appropriate goodbye. I think waving is appropriate, so I didn't go back inside.

Unexpected meeting = can't remember names (can usually remember faces).

Can't remember names = being embarrassed.

Being embarrassed = wanting to avoid seeing people.

Wanting to avoid seeing people = greater likelihood of meeting being unexpected.

It's a vicious cycle.

Z

Yes.

I don't like running into people unexpectedly, unless it's someone that I know really, really well, like a family member, or close friend. Other than that, I try to pretend that I don't see them, and if possible hide. I know that sounds terrible. I'm not sure why that I even do it. It's just an automatic instinct. If I'm trapped to where I have to acknowledge the other person I don't know what to say, and I come off as incredibly rude, even if I like the person that I'm talking to.

I don't have too much trouble with this. I do tend to get startled if I hear a loud noise and can't see the source of it.

What usually happens (not that I bump into many people unexpectedly) is that I recognise them (as in I realise I am familiar with their face but do not know who they are or where I normally see them), match their intensity of greeting, carry on walking past and then fully recognise the person.