Coming out as an Aspie?

Post Reply New Topic

Hi everyone--

I am struggling about whether to disclose my AS diagnosis to people. I've already told my extended family and a few close friends, but I would like to feel more comfortable about sharing it with others. I have a tendency toward hiding, so I like the idea of disclosing. On the other hand, I have tended in my life to over-disclose, so I'm wary of how to proceed.

I feel like this is about my being able to be honest and comfortable with my Aspieness in the same way that I am a very visible and proud Jewish woman and wouldn't consider being otherwise. I'm walking around scared all the time to really be myself. I'm quite sick of it. 50 years is enough already.

How have people handled this, and what were the results? I'd also like to hear from people who have come out as GLBT and understand what that was like, since I have the feeling there may be some similar issues at work.

I actually just told a really good friend recently, and although I thought I already told her, she said it explained a lot of the oddities about me, and was fine and we moved forward. I would tell anyone who asks about a specific behaviour if they asked about it, b ut most normal people won't ask. I would also tell anyone that would become more than just an aquaintence of mine, simply because, if you can't accept who I am, I am better off without you.

I don't know if this is the connection since she hasn't contacted me since, despite my repeatedly trying to contact her. But I told my only friend I susoected I had AS, and when she said she hoped I got better responded with "well it's not really something that get's better".

I haven't heard from her since and it's been about a year and a half.

If that is what your area is like, I must be in some form of heaven, as a lot of the people I've met are very accepting of a lot of people, regardless of who they are. The ones that aren't are gangster type people who make it hell on everyone else in the area, and there are very few gangster type people in this area who are actually considerate of other people. And then there are the emo type people, who are depressing to be around. But for the most part it is split 50/50 between people who would accept you, and people that as an aspie, you probably wouldn't be around anyways.

Well I wouldn't say it's what my "Area" is like. As she's been an email friend since i was 14, having moved to Switzerland, and now lives in China.

I couldn't tell you what my areas like because I have social phobia and agorophobia and so don't know anyone not even as aquaintances.

I have come out as suspecting I have AS on my livejournal, but since I have had no responses (I only just made a livejournal) I couldn't tell you the reaction.

This is a touchy subject. Some of your best friends will gladly accept you if you're a little eccentric or strange and unusual but if they think you have a 'mental' problem they will tend to drift away since they don't know exactly what they're supposed to do or how they're supposed to relate to you.
Unfortunately about 90% or regular people thin autism and AS is a mental abnormality.
Think about this for a long time and size up the people you might want to disclose this to as it can have a tremendous impact on your life.

An interesting side note: I came out as an aspie to the girl I like, even though we don't know each other that well, and she is accepting of it, although, she has claimed that a few traits of being an aspie are "normal"and based on some of that, I suspect she may be one on the very light end of it and not even know it. However, she does still accept me even with that, so I am probably off to a decent start.

As of now I'd have no one to tell.

I hadn't thought about the effects of telling people about AS. I've just told everyone I know, pretty much. It's obvious when someone isn't comfortable with it so I just change the subject, or they do. Is it wise to be so open about it? That hate group on Facebook gave me a little fright.

I tell everyone I has Aspergers it's cool.

A way that might make it easier to decide whether or not to come out as being an aspie: Get on the topic of autism, and see how they react to the topic and stories about "people" you know who are, and for me, those "people" are myself, and if they seem to be accepting, then maybe they are ok with you being one, plus if you tell the right things, they may not look at it as badly as they otherwise would.

Check out the book by Michael John Carley, "Asperger's from the Inside Out." Maybe reading about the experiences others have had might help you with such decisions.

So far, the people (outside my family) I've known the longest have been really fine with it. One has known me since we were both 14, and the other I've known for over 15 years. Both have known about my being an abuse survivor, and have been nothing but supportive, so I think after that, the AS is just kind of interesting to them. They both are really happy for me that I've gotten so many answers to my questions. One is an OT who even offered to travel to where I live to do some work with me in the spring on my sensory integration issues.

I only have a couple of friends who are fairly local (i.e. an hour away rather than several states), and I haven't told them yet. I have a feeling they'd be supportive as well, as they've seen me through a lot of other trials and tribulations and seem to really like me and even love me. So I might come out to them.

The biggest question is simply coming out in the community and in the places I do my service work. I live in a pretty progressive town, with lots of artists, activists, and off-beat types of people. I'm definitely not the weirdest chick on the block. One place I work, I think the people there would find my having AS kind of cool, (as in, we're all weird here, nice to have you on board) but I don't really know them well enough to disclose something like that unless it came up in conversation in another context.

I live in a small town, and news travels, so that worries me some. But I really can't convince myself that it would make my life worse. I think what I fear is just being known, period. Like I have something to be ashamed of or hide, and if people see it, I'm exposed. But that's all the stuff in my head. I'm not sure other people would treat me any differently. They have their own lives.

Do you mean having Asperger's is cool (which I agree with) or telling people about having Asperger's has worked out just fine for you (which I hope is what you mean)?

Based on modern slang, its the second one, but your reaction made me laugh.

I told a boy I like that I had AS. He was fine with it. We are at that get-to-know-you stage of our relationship, so I think it was good timing.
He was actually mistaken for an autistic once.