Padium wrote:
Worst part is my grandparents know what autism is, and know I have AS, and don't reallize how pervasive AS is, so they attribute my behaviours to my parents shortcommings, even though my parents have done a better job than they would ever be capable of. HOLY F***................... Some people just wouldn't understand what AS could do to someone even if they had lived with it or a person with it their entire lives.............................................................. Worst part is having them here always stresses me, even though I am their favourite grandchild and get treated much better than the others, and because of the stress, which is mostly the result of my brother being an ass, I am the one who has the d*** meltdowns, not him, and I am the one my parents get upset with, because I am stressing out my grandfather with my meltdowns, and he has a bad heart (heart failure) and they are afraid the extra stress might someday give him a heart attack, and in the end I get hell for something that isn't even vaguely my fault and can be mostly atttributed to my brother, and my AS......................... There.......... I think I've got that out now.........................
Sounds like you are dealing with the stress that neurotypicals have during the holidays, plus the stress that AS adds to living life with neurotypicals. I am an NT with an Aspie son (19 yrs old). Though his grandparents are all deceased now, holidays were terribly stressful on all of us when he was younger, especially when at his father's parents. His paternal grandparents (mainly his grandfather) had the idea that his meltdowns and differences were caused by his father and my "poor parenting skills." He was embarrassed when his grandchild didn't act like the perfect little man in front of the extended family. Poor kid--no kid deserves all that spotlight! Anyway, I think he sensed the extra tension when with that side of the family and, guess what? His meltdowns occurred all the more there! My parents were older and more relaxed about people being different and they just let him be the way he was. They didn't let him do things that were dangerous, of course, but they didn't get offended by his bluntness and just explained how he could adjust his words so they didn't hurt people's feelings, etc.
When you are dealing with grandparents or older people, sometimes you can take some of the pressure off yourself by asking them to tell you about themselves. I know you probably get overloaded from too much talk, but when you are together with them, try to direct the attention to them. Most NT's enjoy talking about themselves far more than they should and so that should give you a little break. If you tune in, you may find some of the things they say interesting and can perhaps gain some insight into who they are and why they think like they do.
My son's grandfather eventually came around (unfortunately, his grandmother died from an asthma attack when he was 5) I found out that he was raised with the idea he had to be perfect and live up to his brother's stellar reputation. Many of his opinions and ideas had more to do with the expectations he had for himself to live up to his brother and his family than it did with our parenting.
If you can get outside the house safely to get some fresh air like taking a walk or going to a gym, that actually might help, too. Exercise is a wonderful release of stress. In fact, my son and I just got back from the gym a little while ago and he was mentioning how much better he felt even though he only worked on the treadmill for 10 minutes. That can sometimes help with the meltdowns.
I hope things go well for you! Best wishes.
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How glorious it is ? and also how painful ? to be an exception. --Alfred De Musset
20 Dec 2008, 11:03 pm
