Apathy towards social interaction

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Looking back over my many attempts at interacting with people or making friends, several things have become clear to me.

One, people don't even seem interested in even continuing a conversation, if I approach them. They're apathetic, and seemingly want to get rid of me as soon as possible. Should I have something in common with them, like an interest, they might humour me for a few minutes before not so subtly hinting that I should go away.

I also have the feeling that it's just not an attractive proposition talking to someone like me. I don't know the ratio of people with AS to 'normal' people, but there are likely far more people who can socialise properly than there are people who can't. There's no reason for them to talk to someone like me, because there'll always be someone else around who is more interesting and skilled at talking.

Women with AS have it easier than men, because they can always look pretty, and that's enough for some people. I guess you could say I'm bitter or angry. You might be right. I swing from times where I'm okay with it, because I know I'm not really a people person and I almost like my solitude in a way, to feeling envious when I see people going out with friends and stuff.

I hope this doesn't come across as cruising for sympathy and stuff. I'm just venting a little, I suppose, because it does make me angry at times.

HAL 9000, sometimes it is important to vent, and that is perfectly acceptable here. I suspect that quite a few of us here can relate to what you are saying - you have articulated quite well how I feel, torn between needing and occasionally craving solitude but never being fulfilled by it.

Have you tried to meet other Aspies in person?

I think many aspies here recognize what you describe, HAL_9000. Let's speak for myself: I recognize it. When I was younger, that was a real rpoblem for me, whatever I did, people just didn't seem to like me, even when I acted happy and ''social''. Of course it has to do with AS, but I can't put my finger on what it is exactly in aspies that makes NT's not willing to socially interact with them, but I do know there must be something. I get often told I look pretty, so that may explain I have some social interaction. You're right, it does help you. I don't think it's fair. Why prefer NT's beautiful people over less beautiful people? It's not like beautiful people are more kind or anything.

Indeed, melissa17b, venting is good when you have something on your mind.

HAL_9000, maybe it can help to try to think of what it may be that causes your social issues. Iguess you've already done that, but maybe you can ask a friend, if there's something in your behavior that people don't like.

HAL, I'm totally on the same level with you. Whenever I'm riding the shuttle to campus or when I'm on campus, I notice people engaging in small chit-chat that doesn't seem to make sense at all to me. I too feel somewhat glad that I'm not involved in that stuff, but at the same time envious. Riding the shuttle from my complex to my campus everyday sometimes involves me in conversations. Hell, even on campus I can get into conversations - both of which end up with the other person(s) after a minute or two obviously hinting that they aren't interested anymore.

The way I see the social game is as this: they want to seem social and cool by talking about a few things they don't really know much about, but when it comes to talking to someone who has AS, they basically screw themselves: they talk with someone who actually knows a great deal on those/that certain thing(s) - probably more so than them. They might get disinterested simply because, perhaps subconsciously, they aren't the Alpha anymore - for someone has dominated them in what they brought up; it's more of a whole "If I can't be the dominant, then no one can"... like a safety measure or something. Maybe a hidden ego or something. I also see it as this as well: It's okay for them to approach you, but not for you to approach them. Or, the only time they may seem interested would be if it's in a classroom setting where they need to listen in order to "survive" (passing grade) the assignment which requires you to partner up with someone.
This is all just my own speculation of course.

One thing I'm also noticing as well is, for example, say I'm smoking a cigarette outside. Someone walks up to me and asks for either (a.) a light; (b.) a cigarette; or (c.) both. They begin smoking with me for 30 seconds to a minute. They ask me something like "so what's up?" or "what's going on over there?". I reply back of course. Then after that, they just say "Well, thanks for the cig/light", then just walk away. They feel as if they have to have some type of interaction so as to not seem rude. Well in truth, a simply "thanks" instead of a convo' would be sufficient. I feel as if they wasted my time. In that situation, they only time I can tell if they'd be interested in a conversation would be if they started saying something in relation to what I said when I replied to them; and in the end we'd finish the conversation by putting out our cigarettes (them smoking with me), followed by a "My name's ____, and you are?"

I can relate. I prefer my solitude to socialising any day.
I don't know if this comment is on the right lines of what you're talking about, but after a meltdown, I become increasingly distressed with 'people' and wishing I could lock myself away and do all the things I want to and not have to see another human ever again.... to me, this is actually somewhat desirable.

It's true... neurotypicals will always find someone far more interesting to socialise with... let them get on with it.

Charlie