Found something interesting and want some thoughts on this.

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I was reading a few boards about autistic parents having autistic kids and I was surprised that most people were telling the question askers to adopt rather than risk having a child with autism. Is there something wrong here or what? It seems that everyone thinks autism/etc are so horrible that it's abuse to have a child with it. Thoughts on this?

I THOUGHT there was a similar topic on the go.

Why would some people be ashmed to have an Aut spectrum baby:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/posts85855-start0.html



Those are just my thoughts

(not trying to scare you away, thanks for contributing )

I think it's better to adopt than have kids anyway. Animal charities are always like 'adopt a dog, don't buy a puppy' so why not the same attitudes regarding the many children without homes?

I think some of that view portrayed is down ignorance or attitude- ie the drama portrayed by the media that all autism is doom and gloom, fear that they won't be able to cope or lack of resources for the more extreme cases(I think that's the most understandable- there is clearly a real lack of support for autistics and their families) or for some individuals a selfish ideal of a child that an autistic is unlikely to live up to.

I think the fact that so many autistic people and their families are left without support is ridiculous. I think it's often down to the subconcious attitude of 'if nothing 'appears' wrong, than nothing is wrong' (there is the same problem with mental illness). A deaf child left unsupported, without a hearing aid or the ability to sign- the media would be down upon that 'like a ton of bricks' (I remember when I first heard that saying- I literally thought my ICT teacher was going to collapse on me).

For me, It's not about me, It's about them. If I had the choice I would rather have not been born. I don't want any child of mine to go through what I have been through and then to one day say to me what I once said to my mum, that they wished I'd never had them. I think it would just be selfish to have a child to satisfy my needs and not think about what life would be like for them.

However I would consider adopting a child with AS/Autism because they are already in the world, and whats worse, they are alone. And maybe I can give them a little better life that they would have had otherwise.

adoption isnt a way out though, heck i was adopted and my parents werent prepared to care for a autistic, but ended up having to.

I think its great though to adopt, there are many kids out there who need homes, who are in orphanedges just suffering, its sad.

I'm asexual; so if I have kids, I'll be adopting. I'm not going for a baby, though; babies are rather in high demand and I do think a child does better with two parents, all else being equal. Older kids, though, disabled kids, or fostering; those I can see. Not until I'm older and more mature, though, and only if I'm financially stable, and have steady work.

One trouble with having an autistic child is the possibility that they will not be able to live independently as adults. I think that this is possible a lot more than people think it is; but needing 24 hour care is always something that could happen. (Granted, it could happen with a typical kid, too--say, maybe he gets a brain injury--but it's more likely with an autistic one.) That makes them very vulnerable to abuse, because there's no way around letting people do things for them; and you can't always tell when those people will be trustworthy. The only way to ensure safety is to care for them yourself; and you can't do that forever because your child is necessarily younger than you, and autism doesn't shorten the lifespan like, for example, down syndrome does (lots of DS kids and their parents die around the same time-- the parent lives to be 70, the child lives to be 50, that kind of thing). So that means trying to make arrangements for somebody else to care for your child, and that's a scary prospect because there is still a lot of prejudice and a lot of undertrained caretakers and a lot of unreported and even sanctioned abuse.

However, if you have an autistic child now, it'll be years before you have to consider that; anybody in childbearing age still has enough time, almost certainly, to wait for those things to change. Thirty years ago, we had a lot of trouble with prejudice against non-white races in America; thirty years from now, we might have made similar improvements with disabilities. So I say: If you want to have a child and you know you have a higher risk of having an autistic one, then go ahead.

But remember that it's not just your responsibility to raise the child, but to do your little part in your community to raise awareness and acceptance of autistic people. That means insisting that your child be a part of your community, and being open about your own autism, and insisting on the things your child needs, and helping other parents who also have autistic children. Advocacy is a part of having a disabled child, and you need to be prepared to take that on, not just parenting. When you're gone, your child needs to have a place in the community, and because it's your job to prepare him to live on his own, it's your job to make sure he can have that place.

That may be more than some people can do; but if you know you can't, and can't learn, then should you really be having or adopting a child? The possibility of disability always exists, even with an absolutely NT, non-disabled child; and while there's no way to know what you'll be capable of when your child needs it--many parents think they couldn't handle disability, and find themselves quite capable when they're needed--it's important to understand that there are no guarantees; that when you have a child, you have the responsibility to care for them; and that being a parent means ALL of being a parent--good, bad, and in-between, whatever happens.

No offense to Age1600, she sounds like a nice person.

If you get/have a puppy, you have a say in what its behaviour, preferences, etc... may be like, and may know something about possible problems and family history.

The SAME is true of having a child rather than adopting. Has anyone here seen "problem child"?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100419/

That kind of stuff REALLY happens! And he was the provebial p**** CAT(Ironically a term used to describe someone/something that acts nice and is even tempered), compared to some!

It sounds to me like Age1600s parents could have done *****FAR***** worse!

Personally, I want my genetics to live on, and for that reason alone, I would be more than willing to have a child of my own flesh and blood. I don't mind the thought of having a child under the spectrum, it doesn't bother me in any way. I don't see what was wrong with Einstein, and he was believed to be autistic, and on the other end, I would be willing to care for a rainman.

Yea but the sad part is my mother adopted from an orphanedge and all the orphanedge knew about mybirth mother was that she had social problems, behavior problems and was a runaway from her home. Doesn't give much information. When they adopted my half brother before me thats when my mother found out about my birth mother, and one day they got a phone call about the same birth mother had another baby without the orphanedge knowing, which means i wasn't planned. Basically my half brother they knew about while she was pregnant with him, so they kept in touch with the orphanedge the whole pregnancy, but they had no idea about me. So no information to give at all, the only way they knew i assume would be genetic testing if i was related to anybody, obviously my brother haha. So on the birth papers it said the same father as my brothers father because they didn't know what else to put, so my history is a total mystery lol that rhymed lol. Before my mother actually met me though, they did warn her on my horrrrible temper, she didnt believe them because i was so tiny and cute lol, now lets say she believes them lolol.

The "problem child" thing could happen with a biological child too though. It does, all the time. Most juvenile criminals were not adopted, after all!

Sometimes it's better to be adopted because some similar personalities don't do well together anyhow. Impulsive parent plus impulsive child, for example, is a recipe for a really bad disciplinary feedback loop that can even end in abuse. Give the impulsive child a parent with a steady temper, on the other hand, and he'll do better.

Who ever thinks that Autism is all doom and gloom are just Nazi filth in my opinion how dare anyone favour a neurotypicals over autistic it is simply barbaric's there is only one recourse that this sort of attitude that is portrayed in the media. It is also the signs of a very backward thinking autiphobic society that favours neurotypical people. This is the sort of crap that makes autistic children afraid to go to school hatred feeds hatred. I think that a neurotypical society should if dish out hatred then it should be prepared to take the backlash. It does not take an astrophysicist to work that out. Imagine if Albert Einstein's parents never had him but adopted a neurotypical instead then there would be no general theory of relativity and people would still thik that an ether fills empty space. There would be no solar cells.

Without an Isaac Newton as he was autistic people would still be burning each other at the stake as witches as was done till the 17th century. I think that neurotypical people would have been happy enough to carry on with such behaviour into the 21st century.

My mom's doctor actually told her that I was going to have problems before I was born, and asked her if she wanted to have an abortion. She decided to keep me.

i am on the spectrum......i suspect my childs' father is on the spectrum and he is booked in to get a foraml dx and checkout in march 2009 here in australia. he did think he ws and now he doesn;t think he is.

my son is about to go into a gifted and talented program at his school. he is a little super brain. he socialises, but often, when kids come over to play, rather than play with them he likes to watch his pokemon dvd's. He socialises ok one on one and he also seems sometimes to be quite odd and a little professor. He also gravitates towards children older and most of his friends are two years older than him or more. he could have many traits. He never learned to talk really - he had a couple of weeks of funny phrases and practically launched straight into adult speech patterns. he is very advanced in his speech and vocabulary. get him talking about pokemon and he will start pacing in excitement as he talks. he freaks out if one type of food touches another type of food on his plate. but it is hard to tell as our family is kind of atypical. time will tell. maybe it should have told already. who knows?

I love my son. I couldnt give two hoots whether he is on the spectrum or not. the only reason i would want to know is so that it made his life easier. It makes no diff to me. he is simply my son and he is loved for who he is. it would be the same for me with any child i had whether they were on or off the spectrum. He is supported in a home where AS is a reality. We are aware of his issues and he seems to be doing well in the world.
MY nephew has autism and is the coolest kid and his take on the world is brilliant and fascinating and amazing. he lives with the stars, that kid. and he too is loved for who he is.

No theorising on this post for me. it's all about love.

I think that autistic/ aspie parents are more capable of raising autistic/ aspie kids than they would be with raising an NT child, If you have the ability to relate to what your child is going through and how they think, you will be much more likely to accept your child's traits as gifts rather than something that needs to be fixed, in my experience the autistic children with the most problems (not including extreme disabilities here) are the ones that are NOT allowed to be who they are and to find the strengths hidden in their differences, I never forced my children to be social and they did not have a conventional upbringing, but they have done exceptionally well in their lives, they are adults now, but when they were teenagers people were very impressed with them, not that they aren't great now, but typically teenagers are not well respected, I actually had other mothers tell me that they always wanted a daughter like mine (if only they knew what they were saying).

I am sorry to see so many bitter people on this board, especially the ones that blame being on the autism spectrum for their problems, I think that it is very sad that someone has convinced you that you should be anything other than what you are, the problem isn't your differences, it is that so many people aren't comfortable with people that are different, we need all types to make this world work and if all we had were NTs we would probably all still be living in caves because everyone would be too busy socializing to make any progress, most if not all of the great discoveries in history whether it was in art, science, engineering, etc. was made by people that were NOT typical and most likely somewhere on the autism spectrum.. So we're not good at stroking egos in this age of the rule by the ego, but that is changing now and our day is coming, pay attention to the news, who is crashing these days but the people and or businesses that have made their way by manipulation and ego games and the ones that are still okay are those that are most like the autistic, honest, straightforward etc.

I have a lot more to say about this, but I will have to finish tomorrow.. Just please realize that you are not the problem just because you are different and if our difference are respected and appreciated we can be just as functional as any NT, maybe not with the socializing or ego games or doing things the NT way, but we excel when in the company of people like us and in an environment that is conducive to our needs, we just need to get to the place where society realizes that they need us and I believe that day is coming.

I completely agree with that statement, as look at einstein for example, it is strongly believed that he was autistic, and there are plenty of other examples. When it comes to innovation, the people who are not normal are more likely to be the Mcgyver's of their time than those who are perfectly normal and have a hard time seeing past what something is to figure out what it could become.

It's only the best of cases with autism that manage to live independently (and this is in the minority); it's also the minority for those who require 24 hour care, i.e., the severe cases (most fall in the middle where working and living by oneself is quite hard without external help; probably impossible to do both at once, really).

It depends on whether you'd like your child to live with you for the rest of your life or not, and this is going by the most likely level of impairment the individual with autism has (in the middle).

My mother doesn't care if I'm with her forever; we get along well.