aspies in the real world

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it seems like everybody here gets along very well 4 the most part, but im curious, how do aspies interact in real social settings? do we understand each other better or worse than the average person? do aspie relationships flourish or wilt and die? im sure somebody has brought it up b4 but im new and young and have sooooo many questions 2 try and understand this whole new world better

I interact subtly and invisibly, almost imperceptibly at times. I force myself to listen much more than I talk. In a large group of people, I am usually by myself. In group discussions, I'm mostly silent, until I speak, when the silence becomes suddenly more generalized, almost deafening. This will usually cue the group to disperse, and then quickly re-form at a slight remove. Conversation may resume, but usually somewhat hushed, and a little nervous. In a large gathering, I will retreat to a corner, and read.

I generally don't 'interact' in social settings. I've found it be a large waste of time trying to 'interact' but I do enjoy social situations and talking with other people even though I'm extremely shy and withdrawn. Interacting and social skills are two completely different things.

What is the difference between interacting and social skills?

Also, does anyone know of a resource for developing social skills for Aspies? I did a Google search, but all I found was a link directed toward very young people, which doesn't seem like it's quite the right fit.

Practice makes perfect.
I've learned to keep eye contact and lean in when I'm listening to people. Actually I do this so I don't lose concentration.
I can talk about music and some things in the news to people. When the conversation turns into sexual innuendo I feel a bit uncomfortable. Strange, because I think I have a dirty mind.
I'm still the quiet one in the group. Other people just can talk more and probably have none of my stuttering and other speech problems too.
I still make an effort to interact with people and think I'm making some progress.

If I understand you correctly, you are asking about the quality of in-person relationships strictly among people with AS...
That is a good question. We talk all the time about relationships to the "rest of the world", but I haven't seen anything this specific before.
I'll throw in my opinion.........

To be sure, I don't associate with many people in real life. Those that I do are mostly NT or something close to it. I certainly don't know anyone with ASD's. There is one exception. My oldest brother (whom I strongly suspect of having AS himself, but undiagnosed) and I get along so well. Automatically. We seem to share a common social understanding that is utterly lacking in my other dealings with people. This is more than just the fact that he's my brother. My other older brother is nothing like us. He is straight up NT, and has always kind of looked down on us. I never talk to him.
So my oldest brother and I do have a pretty good (albeit irregular) relationship.

That does seem to give credibility to the idea that aspies understand each other better in real social situations. I look forward to additional thoughts on this topic.

both side of interpretation would be helpful, relationships with "NTs" and aspies alike. i cant help but wonder if theres more issues at work in my life than just AS, reasons y some things in my life just dont work like i wish they would and other ppls experiences and opinions may provide such an answer. i just dont wanna use this as an excuse 4 all the problems i have in life without some kinda supporting factual evidence

I have some Aspie friends in real life, we get on well.

Very generally speaking, it's either of these in relation to social interaction for someone with an ASD:

lecturing (one-sided, verbose, talking at people rather than with them; the little or mad professor)
ignoring (may greet you if you greet them, but that's it; they may answer questions if they feel like it)
constantly apologizing and formal (apologizes after every little social mistake he or she believes he or she makes; sounds like a scholar when they're talking about the drop in the dollar, for example)

There's also the people who don't recognize boundaries and behave in a childlike manner [as adults].

In other words, people with an ASD are quite different compared to normal people (two separate species in regards to social interaction).

It's quite weird with me... I can't interact with NTs, at all... I'm so shy and quiet and anxious among them and I don't know what to say. But when I'm among aspies - I feel way different. I have no problems with interacting and my communication is ok.

I'm constantly speaking very formally to my classmates, and I really can't help it.
Some of them hate me because they don't have any tolerance, and because I'm lecturing (like Danielismyname said). (NB : I have very good results at school, I could do it without being blamed, but it is the case).
My actual medication really helps me to interact socially and to stop lecturing. Thus, I've made my first friends.
I think Aspies get on well with each other, because we share the same problems and the same tolerance. My dad has AS and I'm really in good terms with him, compared to the rest of the family.

i used to be completely isolated. i prefer my own company still today, and i like to do things on my own mostly as i cannot stand having to compromise. i need the security that comes with being in control and with everything mapped out.

I have imporved incredibly over the past ten years. i CAN socialise now and i have learned the ints and outs of give and take conversation. i can ask people how they are and i can listen or "appear to listen" (as often i am thinking- when will they shutup as i cannot understand all the words.....)

i ran into 12 step programs ten years ago and have learned a lot from how to socialise there. i am still known as a recluse and as a hermit. BUT i have friends. it makes it easier that they are all a bunch of oddball ex-ratbags and eccentrics of one description or another. They do know however, that i can;t cope with a lot of social contact and so they leave me be and that is good.

the other good way to learn stuff is through CBT. Also, xanderbeanz - a WP memebr - has a youtube vid up and he talks a bit about learning new strategies in the vid.

I reall benefited in rehab from all these sheets and work stuff we had . things like "how to have a two way conversation."
"how to make a phonecall." "How to self-disclose." i wa sin the rehab for my self-medicating drug problem and ended up receiving so much invaluable info about how to devlp social skills. i am still clumsy with them and too full on....but hey - that is ok.

the issue for me is the exhaustion that comes post -social interactions. two days of lying down with migraines and increased sensory sensitivity. that is the real killer for me. SO i can do it, but the cost is great- because i am trying to think in a way that is in fact foreign to my brain. a half day of social contact can mean days of being wiped out after. not to mention the worry before i go.


and i still have the tendency to talk and lecture. people say i am either verbose and lecturing , and a few other things. I am not actually shy at all. not at all. I will walk up and start conversations.....but i do not know when to stop or how to regualte very well.

but boy - it is better than childhood and adolescence.

I'm generally the quiet one in social situations. But I seem to get on well with other autistic people, my parents aren't surprised.

To me social skills are postures and mannersims that people take on. Some call it body language which for me is far harder than talking. If you move your mouth and talk but look like a head on a stick you will still stand out from the crowd. Body language for normal people is really ab important thing.

I only know one aspie for sure & I went out with him. It was very intense and we were about the only people who understood each other, becuz everyone else thought we were obnoxious, self absorbed & "over-sexed" (funny since no sex was involved) as*holes who specialize in TMI. Also he was so much "MORE" (louder, "confidant" seeming, but really just completely unaware that he was annoying everyone) of everything than me and for a while I thought it meant that he was braver or cared less about what society thinks, but eventually I figured that he just couldnt connect at all. He (a friend of mine used to say "he's hot... until he opens his mouth and then it's all vomit) also ONLY talks about his special interests which are anime/manga, battle games (where you dress up and fight with foam weapons) & arts & crafts. He has a job only becuz he works for his father. He's the only guy I've never felt intimidated by, the only one I looked in the eye as soon as I met, the only one I'd happily touch and be touched by anytime.

But we fight all the time, we never understand each other or maybe we come off as not caring to each other, I dont know. We are either fighting or making out.

It took to much energy tho, so I dont think I would ever be with a guy like him again, I might have felt safer than ever but I've also never been hurt more.