Anger and Autism, I'm a bit confused.

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Ok, my main question concerning anger and autism is this- "Do you believe that slightly autistic people can get as angry and furious as neurotypicals do". By anger, I don't mean a slight annoyance or a mild irritation, I mean anger to the point of laying someone flat out on the floor with a punch or kick or whatever. You see, I think anger in the form of annoyance or irritation is a useless anger, anger is only powerful is it conveys a message that you might cause physical harm if unesscarily provoked.

I understand the nature of anger, I've read up on it and talked with a psychiatrist about it. According to what I read, people get angry for primarily two reasons- 1.) People get angry when they feel they have been mistreated or tricked and therefore get angry or 2.) People get angry because they fear they might lose something important to them, basically going on the defensive. It didn't mention a third option, but I also know that people get angry over feeling intruded upon or otherwise violated, which goes hand and hand with being mistreated.

I also understand that there is a direct correlation between the severity of anger and the maliciousness percieved. Basically, the more outrageous and unjust something is, or if the action was percieved as being extremely hateful or cruel, the more powerful and larger the feeling of anger will be.

For instance, if a friend borrowed something that was valuable to you without asking you, you'd be moderately angry at them. The offense is small, and the friend will bring back the valuable item, but the sense of violation is there.

Now if a bunch of teenagers decided to start teepeeing and egging your house, you would feel absolutely furious, because you are being mistreated without a good reason and you are insulted that someone you don't even know would do such a thing.

When I look at myself, I see that I only get angry when I'm annoyed by what someone does or when people are rude to me, especially when I'm trying to order them food (I work at a fast food restaraunt). That's the only time I get angry. Guys can be jerks to me and I won't emotionally understand it until much later, and I feel f****d because I couldn't respond the way I wanted to back earlier. When people are aggressive with me, I cower in fear, when I really should be angry at their mistreatment of me. I think that we slightly autistic are screwed emotionally, and that because we can't be as confident or as angry as neurotypicals, we end up being extremely passive and quiet. I believe our only "anger" is useless anger because it can't put fear or caution into people who mistreat us. But I'd like to hear what you guys think first.

I try to hold it in as long as possible, because I get a lot of 'analysis' from the family. The upshot is that my anger is never justified, while theirs always is (or that's how it seems...

Most of that is because of my predecessor, who did get physically angry. I've told them over and over that 'I'm not that guy'...but it can be a trial at times.

I have a very dificult time processing anger in a timely manner..I am not able to feel anger when I am supposed to and I will have angry outbursts at times when it is inappropriate.

I get angry about the smallest things sometimes, like a change in routine, or something being uneat or tidy.

I agree with you. If (1) is mistreated or tricked (injustice) and (2) is losing something important (loss), there would have to be a (3) having boundaries violated, especially if you are autistic.

Defending your person against an attack or violation is the first, most fundamental function of speech -- a scream. Defending yourself against abuse should probably be #1. If you're autistic, I don't see how enforcing your boundaries isn't up there, up in "meltdown" territory.

I very rarely let my anger out, we're talking once a year if that.

When I do let my anger out it is only when someone I care about or someone who doesn't deserve it is being attacked verbally. (so far I've never been witness to a crime.)

When that happens I get very quite, very still and it's light there's white noise and light. And people have always done what I've said. I've been told I'm terrifying.

For example. When I was at primary school, someone said my mum was ugly. I said to her "you don't ever say that about my mother". That's all I said, again very quietly. yet she went to get a dinnerlady, who when she came over to me to get me to apoligise changed her mind when I said that no one says that about my mother. I didn't get in to trouble.

Another time a girl in my secondary school was getting bullied on the bus. I told the bully to go sit down. and she did.

I also used to get angry when I was a toddler and my mum paid attention to any other kid (I remember this as being more like rage, I literally saw red.) One time my mum says I grabbed her face and turned it around to me and spat out "your my mummy!"

that is how it is for me. ANd so my angry responses can appear out of kilter with the context in which they are expressed. People on the spectrum often have great difficulty processing and regulating "appropriate" emotional reactions in the given moment, and this is why we have meltdowns. things build up and build up, and then...lo and behold, someone moves a painting of mine two inches because it is in a precarious position and I HIT THE ROOF and it turns into a full scale meltdown.

oh well.

My anger is always useless. I tend to fly into a rage over things I have little control over. In other words my anger is most intense when it’s impotent. Actually the very fact that it’s impotent makes it more intense. When I feel like I’m in control my anger goes away.

I never get angry in a way makes me want to get violent. But, I don't think it's so much about what kind of anger I have (or how much), but rather, I just don't tend to be inclined to violence.

I do want to throw about a interesting idea about what anger is. "They say that anger is just love disappointed". That's from the Eagles song "Hole in the World". Which makes me wonder who "they" is, where that idea comes from. But I think it's true. Maybe not always, because I don't believe in absolutes. But often.

I get very angry with myself when I can't communicate or express something properly. I also, more shamefully, sometimes get very angry with other people when they don't immediately understand what I am trying to say.

I do get angry for other reasons, but communication is definitely the primary one. That may just be a consequence of living a somewhat sheltered life, I suppose.

When I get just angry enough, I will lay someone out and not have any say in the decision. Fortunatly it takes a long f***** time to get to that point.

This question is a little confusing to me b/c I get angry and furious (I am infuriated over this trauma that I have) but that doesn't mean "laying someone flat on the floor with a punch or kick".

I can be totally consumed with fury, but not hit or do any violence. That seems pointless and destructive.

I'm totally verbal when I'm infuriated. My meltdowns are verbal. Even if you become incoherent, presumably there are pieces of facts and feelings getting through and your anger, and the reason for it, will have some effect on the perp (offender).

I don't see violence as having any point because it can't be constructive (i.e. help the offender at least be aware of your criticism). I see violent anger as being like a war -- you want to destroy the enemy. But there are too many jerks who will bully/mistreat AS to destroy them... you'd have to blow up the world or something to make headway.

Also, after a verbal tirade, you can feel better. How can you feel better after you hurt someone? You would feel worse, no?

So I say, Yes, I can get furious and infuriated but that doesn't involve hitting or kicking someone... just berating them, at most.

I might as well have a warning label on me that says "WARNING - CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE!". I have a very explosive anger, and I can get violent over the slightest things.

My family drove me to it, with their insanity. Come to think of it, most of my family has explosive anger. Could it be genetic?

Yeah I get angry with people. If someone does something wrong like talk down to me, I may not respond at first. If they do it again, I may or may not do or say anything. Third times a charm, I can no longer contain it and let that person know I'm tired of it and not going to take their crap.

How can you feel better after hurting someone? Easy, the stress that caused you to hit that point is all channeled through the fist into the other person, and it is the strongest most effective form of stress relief known to man. This doesn't mean that I condone violence, I am just saying that it relieves stress very well.

It is really hard to make me angry (my NT sister has been trying to figure out how to upset me my whole life, without success ). However I do get frustrated and overwhelmed, but that is rarely visible to other people because I am so internal (my kids can tell but they are the only ones).
What I do get is confused when someone is being irrational , it is a huge weakness for me, all I can do (if it is really awful) is cry and before I get to that point my brain gets stuck in a loop trying to make logical sense of the ridiculousness of it and therefor I can''t even speak, I just sit there silent like an idiot, but if I or someone else is attacked or threatened in an outright way or in way that I have processed enough times to have figured out what they are doing, I have no problem standing up for myself or others and just as someone else stated previously, I am really scary when I stand up to someone (so I am told), not only am I very assertive when I understand what is happening, I also have the ability to use logic and reason in a very adamant and disarmingly direct way and because I am otherwise quite and passive it also shocks people to see me like that, I can put an end to any situation when I know what is going on, now if I could just figure out how to make sense of all the irrational things that people do, I would never be afraid.
Mean people don't scare me, overstimulated people (such as an autie or aspie having a meltdown) that doesn't scare me, irrational and/ or crazy people are terrifying.