11 Jan 2009, 11:44 pm
Hows everyone doing?
I'm still bombarding this condition we call "life" with a unlimited supply of exaggeration and increasingly prominent aspie tendencies. But does anyone remember me? I stopped in a while ago to say hi.
Anyways, just considering something. I'm considered if I'm a aspie, or well... I seem to be - I act as one and get along/cope better with the feelings of other aspies. Yet I walk a fine line between aspiehood and NT'ishness. That is to say I can almost act as a NT would but basically I never feel right and loath each day at work thinking about it. I'm depersonalized on top of being a aspie, so I'm depersonalized because I fret over being aspieish perhaps - but I can't seem to find a common balance anywhere. Or more precisely, I've searched for a long time with girls, places, people ... But never found happiness. So lately I've been almost complete recluse, work to home - happiness in being myself and not worrying about being afraid or having stress.
But I'm in need of a change, not emotionally but life wise. I have to go back to school, I have to do something with my life so I don't have to deal with people so much... its tiring. So I went to my psy and got records from them. Waiting for them in the mail... going to go to the community college and instead of trying to be normal I'm just gonna say the truth...
Because everytime I'm sitting there talking to someone I'm trying so hard to focus and keep myself out of my mind but I never can seem to just be - there. I'll get shakey, tired... zoned out, lost.... I can't look in peoples eyes for that long. And all throughout life it seems like a constant battle to impress/defend your own personality and sense of normalness. But really - I'm unsure if i really care about that at all anymore. But why am I writing tonight? Perhaps because I'm crazy, or perhaps because I felt like "whining" if thats what you'd call this. Mainly I'm writing tonight to get a support thing going or atleast have people tell me I'm a idiot so I can feel better and sleep well.
Anyways, talk to everyone soon. 
Hopefully I'll be sticking around the forums for a while this time.
11 Jan 2009, 11:51 pm
12 Jan 2009, 6:54 am
Nice to see you again, Nim. 
