Do you ever wish you knew whats going on inside your head?

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BeWaRe LoNg PoSt


So there was a light show going on at our aquarium, i loooove light shows, so we decided to go, and get in price was half price so very cheap. Now at aquariums i get very overstimulated as the night goes on and i get a huge headache and it turns into a huge meltdown, i never knew why but oh well. Anyways thought it was different with the light show. I walk in and boom i'm done, literally all it took was seconds, was nonverbal, knocking ppl over, swaying back and forth, smacking my forehead, making weird noises out of my mouth, walked the whole aquarium knocking all the noise makers, even one lady just smiled and said "autism isn't it?" my bf just smiled and said yes. Luckily i was wearing one of my autism shirts, autism isnt a tragedy, ignorance is the tragedy and my little ribbon button. The lady continued saying, "my sons not as severe as her, he speaks, and his stims aren't noticable, I always feel for people who are so lost in their own autism world." My bf just smiled, shes moderate functioning, but defintely has her times where she doesn't shut up and laughed. The lady just smiled and said "really? she can talk?" Hes like "yep, just not always as well as everybody else, sign language works the best for her, but even during these situations and moments, she won't even use her pecs or sign, I have to just guess and not take my eye off of her for one second." She smiled and said "god bless you, we need more people like you in this world!" We then left, my bf had a big ego after that .

I was left nonverbal the rest of the night, we went to stores to run errands, i ran around to feel everything, swayed back and forth biting and rubbing my phone, completely unaware of whats going on, i think i walked through a couple ppl as well. We got the usual stares, the comments like one little girl goes to her mother/older sister idk, "whats wrong with her?" the lady was like "i think autism" because of my shirt, the girl replied with "i feel bad for her, that must stink!" I was standing there with my headphones on, wondering same thing about that little girl lol. It was a crazy night, but we got auntie annes another new kick, my cinamon sticks, and lemonade, while my bf looked through video games i sit on the floor in the store on his feet so he knows where I am at all times, flapping, rocking, eating my food enjoying life lol. Literally minutes later, I start using my words, its like the connection between my brain and vocal cords connect after food hits my belly. It doesnt phase my bf hes so use to it, but to me its like wow, i think the light bulb just came back on in my head lol. I even told him what game I wanted and helped him look for it. I was still as stimmy, but more verbal. I just don't understand myself, I wish I knew whats going on or why all of a sudden things change like that. I don't understand why my brain does things like that. I sat on the way home bouncing, but thinking about whats going on inside my head lol, wish I was a VIP in the party inside my head, not some guest that’s allowed in sometimes and not other times lolol if that makes any sense what so ever . Does anybody ever wish you knew whats really going on inside your own head?

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Being Normal Is Vastly Overrated

Yeah, my brain and I are constantly arguing over what to do. Most of the time I wind up losing though. Stupid brain, it has reality on its side!

I would *love* to know what is going on in my head especially during tics, rages, and especially phantom tics.

Maybe the answer you want is not a good idea. That is why I never seek it. It will probably depress me. I got so far and stopped

I'd love to know what goes on inside my head. It's totally weird. Luckily I know what makes it weird so I try to avoid them. Yet I can't understand why it makes my hands shake and flap, why it freezes in social situations etc.

Thinking about what I'm think is one of my great joys in life.

I know whats going on inside my head, I just wish it were easier to share it with the world. I have a hard time even finding the right words to ask something of my immediate family that most people wouldbe able to easily ask someone they have never met. I am generally either embarrassed or awkwarded out by the idea of talking about my thoughts on a deeper level, unless I know the person as well as I know myself.

Age1600. Happy New Year. Very interesting to read about your experiences.

You’re lucky to have an understanding boyfriend who cares and looks out for you. That lady sounded really nice too. I don’t know, maybe the light show did seem a bit like a disco to your brain: perhaps it was a bit too much stimulation all at once. It sounds like you had a good time though.

Maybe things calmed down in the video games store (maybe not so many flashing lights or it was quieter). Maybe that’s why your brain suddenly made the connection and you could talk and concentrate better. Just an idea.

I often find it very hard to concentrate if there’s too much noise or too many things going on at once. I find very busy environments distracting. I wonder if this could be a similar experience?

My reaction to sensory overload is probably not as intense as yours but I certainly feel very strange and distracted if I’m surrounded by lots of glittering sparkly things or lots of flashing lights. Christmas shopping for decorations is probably the worst. I can hardly do that any more I become very disorientated.

Some lights and noises just make me feel ill, but I’ve just had to try and block them out as best I can until I can get out of the environment. Crowds are pretty unsettling for me too.

As soon as I walk into an aquarium, I feel like a little kid. I start identifying the species by sight without reading the tank labels and bore my family to death with fishy facts. I could happily watch fishes swimming around all day. It takes someone to tap me on the shoulder or call me wake me from my “trance”.

Also, don’t expect me to say anything sensible after I’ve been to the cinema. I tend to get “drunk” on all the sounds and the visual images. It’s very disorientating after I’ve come out of the theatre. I go silent, “spaced out” and feel incredibly embarrassed/shy. If anyone tries to talk to me afterwards they’re lucky if they can get a grunt a “yeah” or an “uh huh” out of me. The effect wears off after a few hours though.

During those few hours, I’ve found that I’m unable to hold a sensible conversation, go shopping or find my way around (because my head’s still spinning with all the visual imagery and themes in the movie). Once, I was so distracted that I couldn’t knock over any pins when I went bowling, usually I can knock over at least one or two pins. I was staggering around unable to walk in a straight line because of the film I’d seen: I hadn’t had anything alcoholic to drink!

I’ve often wondered what’s going on inside my own head and I’m “taking the plunge” by trying to find out. Maybe if I find out, it will help me find an environment where I can work efficiently/ease my dealings with other people.


I think that my brain has the foreground/background reversed compared to most people:

I see the physical environment with objects/animals in the foreground and people in the background.

My eyes zoom in and focus on details in the physical environment.
This is good for making detailed observations, but not so good for socialising.


Sometimes I feel like I’m viewing the world through a magnifying glass. Often, I project my own emotions onto the scenery: sometimes physical objects seem to have personalities and attitudes.

As for the neurocircuitry in my own head that’s responsible for this, I don’t have a clue. The brain sometimes sometimes seems like a black-box kind of system to me.

I guess that so called “normal” folks would see people in their foreground and the physical environment in the background. I think they’d miss lots of the details because they’d be chatting a lot with their friends. They probably wouldn’t mull over things as much. Perhaps other people see a broader panorama of the situation than I do?