not being able to peruse special interest cause suicidal ide

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Does not being able to peruse special interest cause suicidal idealization?

If you somehow knew you could never access or peruse your special interests, would you continue to see a point in living? Special interests are my main autistic trait and if I couldn't peruse them or have access to them I would probably kill myself.

When my parents made me earn my computer time. Half an hour of computer time for every hour of school without a meltdown, I got very depressed. I was making my own video games and computer programs but never had the time I needed to complete anything properly. I was homeschooled but had a math disability and my mother's solution for it was to make me do extra math. Plus I was just overworked in general. But if I had a meltdown from exhaustion I had no way to decompress.

I'm an adult now and the only thing taking away my computer time is a power outage or something like that. But I no longer have to earn it by the half hour. I lost interest in making games after my parents started restricting my computer time, after I realized I didn't need to make virtual experiences of the things I wanted to do. I could actually do them. But if I am concerned that if I never could do those things (see my other post) that I actually would commit suicide.

I'm just wondering if anyone else feels the same way.

I don't think it does for me. I can't peruse actual video making right now, but I don't feel suicidal over it myself. Btw, I hope you're doing well.

I understand the sense of desperation when one is trapped in a situation with absolutely no choices or control of the situation. ( or at least believing that one has no choices or ability to control the situation). My parents set unreasonable goals and rules out of ignorance, thinking they were doing right by punishing me to make me do better. I was suicidal until I got counseling and therapy at age 30. I understand how it could happen that people believing they have no alternatives could be desperate enough to escape that they would consider suicide. Hope things are better for you now. I feel as if I have come so far since the days of every day suicidality. Counseling saved my life and sanity. I would encourage suicidal folks to consider getting a life coach/therapist if they can see no alternatives for themselves. I needed somebody to show me better ways than those I had learned long before I ever found out I was/am autistic. There is no shame in reaching out if you are "stuck" and can't find your way.

That happened to me a couple of times when I was in high school. I didn't feel I had the right to make myself happy, because my mum didn't approve of my special interests.

I think we need a certain amount of time devoted to interests for our mental health.
It was when life responsibilities prevented me from attending to my interests that I started getting mental health issues - though not suicidal ideation thank goodness.

If my mum was to take Germany away from me, I don't know what I'd do. Probably get myself high on coffee and energy drinks day after day. Pot could also be a possibility.

For me, the answer would be yes. I kept myself alive in some very troubling points because I was able to distract myself with special interests. Without them, I would likely not be typing this message now. I do get very depressed if I cannot work on them.