Can you turn on and off emotions?

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I have a question for the more emotional aspies. When you feel a strong emotion like anger or sadness, can you turn it off like a switch? or does that emotion stay with you for a while? (like it does for us NT folks) Here is an example of something that my son does. We had a dog that died a few years ago. He was 4, and I told him that he was sick and I couldn't take care of him and he had to go to a place where he could be properly taken care of. This past weekend it dawned on him that he should be back by now. He was sobbing when I told him that he couldn't come back from where he was. He was profoundly sad. When he was done crying, he left the room and looked and acted as though nothing happened. He did that another time when he was yelled at on a playground by a stupid parent (he's never been yelled at like that before) and it scared him. After much discussion he was sitting on his bed with this look of total sadness, like he's been crying for hours and he's just exhausted and spaced out. I said to his father in front of him, "look how sad he is", he then looked at me and instantly, like he flipped a switch, and started talking and playing and laughing as though nothing happened and was fine the rest of the day. (with the exception of not wanting to go to the playground). I know that he doesn't want to upset me, and I know he wasn't faking for sympathy, but I don't know that he could control his emotions and behavior that easily, he's only 7. Does this happen to any of you?

I was somewhat similar when I was young and still can kind of do it now. I'm not sure why though. I'm heavily introverted though, not sure if thats related or not. Looking forwards to any other input, this thread has got me curious now.

I've never heard that it should be an aspie thing. I can't do that myself either (though it could be nice sometimes ), maybe in fact the opposite, I tend to stick to a feeling like anger or sadness for a long time, I guess longer than NTs, but I'm not sure.

But I've heard that it's common among children (in general) to be able to "walk in and out" of a sorrow, so they the one moment appear sad, the other happy.

But maybe others have another opinion about this.

No I can't easily. I'm not sure the question is directed at me, becuase at the moment my emotion are very blunted. This can be frustrating.

Since I usually experience emotions completely disconnected from the events that presumably trigger them, and am often not aware just what emotions I am experiencing - sometimes requiring minutes, hours or even longer to figure it out - the idea of a "switch" is rather curious to me.

Having said that, I can suppress emotions overall, on a long-term basis, and did so for decades, up until about four years ago. Emotional suppression is all or nothing, and comes at a tremendous price - life with suppressed emotions was merely existence, and terribly unsatisfying at that. I am still trying to get out of the suppression habit. Some days are harder than others...

I have a hard time showing the right emotion. My siblings and my mother can tell what I am feeling, but it baffles NT people who don't know me. I cannot turn it on and off. I become emotional at odd times.

When I was growing up, I was prone to strong emotion, which was the cause of a lot of teasing. I learned to suppress my emotions (thank you, Mr. Spock), so they were either all off - if I was successful - or all on - if I was unsuccessful. But once they were "on," there was no stopping them (until I was exhausted.)

Your son is lucky if he can regain control once his emotions have taken over.

I wouldnt say that I could turn emotions on and off like a switch but things like anger do tend to last a lot less time in me than they do in most people.

It can go both ways for me. I can either be extremely, extremely mad for hours on end, or I can just calm down instantly. Like the other night, I was so upset, I was hyperventilating. But then out of nowhere, I stopped instantly and I was fine. I'm just weird like that. lol

I wanted to answer with a no to your question. But reading your text, that's what others described me (to me) and what I discussed with the ASD professionals. Heh, interesting!

Of course, I cannot know what your son thinks and feels in those situations and whether it's similar to my experience or not.

My friends whom I went to school with the last few years said it surprised them how I could be back to peaceful and sincere happiness when just half an hour ago or so, I'd be beyond seething anger at an teacher.

This caught me of guard the first few times others said so, because I perceived them as being irrationally emotional instead.

For me, emotional experiences, are pretty much always the same. Once when I left the problematic situation I can come to senses. And in order to get over the feeling, I also need to make sense of it. Understand it or solve it and, of course, make sure I didn't hold any back. Solved is solved!

Others think this change of mood occurs too fast. (The professionals I talk to though did not after I explained this to them throughout-ly.) Basically, I'll feel something until I made up my mind about it. That's all. But I need to make up my mind - I can't have 2 or more things on my mind that distract me.

I cannot just suppress an emotion - I always thought all other people must be able to do this!

Most people can work even though they're in deep sorrow. And they can still talk with others even when they want to explode in anger. How is that possible? I cannot control my emotions like that.

I have no idea how others manage such chaos. In a way, I could say I just have to keep my brain tidied up to function. It's natural for me to do this, one thing at a time.

So of course, while others just are sad for the remaining day after something happened to them and though they are able to go about their day despite their underlying deep sadness, I have an outburst of sadness and afterwards I'm perfectly fine again.

Have been like this since earliest childhood, too. Both my parents told me how when they'd leave me undisturbed in/after a tantrum or a crying fit as a toddler, an hour later, I was perfectly normal again. Cheerful, sweet and whatever caused my tantrum would not cause my mood to waver even when the topic was brought up again.

When I was a child, it was alot easier for me to control my emotions. (For one, I had less of them.) Now, they don't always obey when I command them to go away but for example if something is very emotionally distressing to me, I simply cannot handle it and there is no way to properly express it satisfactorily I will 'shut off' as a coping mechanisim.

But in a less intense situation, it will stick with me. Probably longer than it would with a normal person. For days even.

I seem to have to modes: one is unemotional, apathetic, zen-like state that I'm usually in. the other one is extreme emotion that is hard to identify, up and down or just a turmoil of negative and/or positive emotions that cause a stir. I don't like the latter at all so I try to avoid emotional situations as much as i can.

THey can be compartmentalized so they don't effect you.

Nope. No way can I turn on and off my emotions.

My emotions is seem to build far slower than most people's. I don't know if it's an AS thing or a me thing or even an NT thing. If someone treats me in a way I don't like, or says something spiteful to me, I just don't feel emotion at the time. I'll stay calm, deadpan, play a 'verbal straight bat'. Anything to prevent confrontation. A little while later I'll start to think that maybe I should've said something. A few days later, I'll keep thinking about it and start to feel anger that I just didn't feel at the time. A month later and I'm now having sleepless nights, ruminating over everything I could have and should have said. I'm now angry and that person and also angry with myself for letting them get to me...and so on. After a few months it subsides, thankfully.

I wish I wasn't like this. I'm always emotionally responding to something that happened days or weeks ago. It really interferes with coping with what is happening right now, because my emotions are being driven by some past event that I now can't change. I guess I snap at someone near me for nothing (from their point of view, how can they realise I'm in despair from something that happened a month ago?). Or just appear miserable for no reason because today is going quite well but I'm refighting a battle that was lost weeks ago.

I'd give anything, within reason, to not be like this. I have found no way of truly switching emotions off.

Weird.

I was told that being overtly emotional and expressing emotions was "silly" and "not polite" by my parents. I was also told that it distracted from the task and that it was rude to "poke my nose into other people's businesses". That was called "being on my best behaviour".

What a shock when I got to school when I saw everyone (especially the girls) all chatty, hugging, combing each other's hair and all over each other!

We simply didn't do that at home. We're more sensible, reserved and discrete than that. I was quite overwhelmed by my classmates behaviour at first. When I was asked by the teachers:
"How do you think so and so is feeling and why? What are they doing at the weekend? How do you feel about their friends?"

I used to say politely that it was "none of my business" and that what they did was up to them and I "didn't mind" what they did.

My family thought that I was supposed to go to school to learn, not be a busybody and poke my nose into other people's lives. My family did complain to that school about why I was being interrogated about trivial matters concerning my classmates, which weren't directly related to the academic syllabus.

Sure, my family hugged each other on special occasions and I hugged people when they were feeling upset. I do care about people. We kind of reserved these expressions of emotions and feelings for special occasions. Reserving feelings like that makes these occasions special and we share experiences. We don't have to be all chatty and intrusive about these experiences we just enjoy them and have fun.

I do feel emotions, sometimes really intensely, but I've been conditioned by my family not to overtly express or discuss these emotions because the emotions speak for themselves.