Adults with guardians

Post Reply New Topic

This is just plain scary, sad and most of all, angering and outrageous. I know a WP member who is 36 or 37 and told me his parents have full guardianship over him. I asked him why. He said he wanted me to ask his mother why. He said part of it is "him being vulnerable and getting ripped off often". Is that sufficient excuse to put a person under someone else's thumb and make them vulnerable THAt way?


So, do any of you have guardians or know someone that does? What's it like? How much control do they have over you? Can they tell you what to eat and wear and when to go to bed? Do they have a letter giving them permission to access your bank account?


I'm not liking what I hear about this, about people at the Judge aRotenberg Center, adults, who are still under their parents' guardianship and have to do as they say or get shocked into submission literally, or sent back to that horrible place.


Also, have any of you ever feared losing custody of yourselves?

Personaly, I may be my own "gaurdian" but I still rely heavily on my parents for a lot of things, even though they would prefer me to be moving forward faster. They also are realizing that I may never move forward to the point that they are hoping me to move forward to.

I would hope that there's a long, legal process.
Maybe there's more to it and your friend doesn't want to give more personal details?
Or maybe he is economically dependent and is forced to allow it?

It all depends on how impaired someone is.

Being taken advantage of, and never being able to learn from such, sounds like a sufficient reason to me; it's for their own protection, so they don't get hurt. Many individuals with an ASD, even if they have a somewhat normal mental age via an IQ test, are nowhere near the level of an adult in social and emotional development (in other words, they're still children).

I don't have a guardian (I'm not that naive and gullible), but my mother has access to my bank accounts and such; I let her freely, as it's oftentimes too much for me to sort it all out.

No one is ever getting me a guardian. If anyone tried, I'd fight it. But my mother is still my payee for SSI.

My autie friend's mom is his guardian. He doesn't understand a lot of things related to his (complicated) medical situation, and she does. Legally for a person over 18 years old, the health care providers can't tell other people anything (due to privacy laws) but the guardianship provides the ability for another caring person to be able to talk to the dr's, make important decisions, etc. Also, he has no concept how to manage his money. So, long story short, if he were still alive without guardianship, he would be out on the streets and destitute.

i live in grouphome so they have some control over me like they have rigth to restraint me if its needet and basic stuff but no they dont have power to tell what i eat and wear well of course they can say i cant wear something like jeans if they want to keep me calming more then hour how ever if they want to keep me more then one hour they need to call my doctor and if he gives permission for actions they want to do then they can do em ...they dont have control over my money or bank account also i get full custody over myself after i get out (finish my school)

But you're a minor, FTR90, that's different.


If someone got me a guardian I'd ask the guardian to leave me alone, and if they didn't I'd kill the guardian and then kill myself.

That was my post. My mother was logged in and forgot to log out, and I tried to delete the post I made as her but couldn't.

There is no long, legal process. Your parents get a lawyer to draw up an agreement, and then you sign it.

If you give power of attorney to anybody (usually for financial, medical, or educational purposes), you can cancel it at any time IF the power of attorney isn't written in a way that keeps you from changing it. You need to read it, when you sign it, and figure out if there is a clause that keeps you from canceling it if you are "mentally incompetent". If there is, don't sign it. If you can't figure it out, say, "I can't sign this because I don't understand what it says." Get them to explain every sentence to you.

You can sign a disclosure agreement that lets your parents see your medical, educational, or financial records without giving them complete control. This, in my opinion, is infinitely preferable, even for people who are "immature" or "gullible". Letting your parents into your affairs makes a lot of sense if you're not good at handling them yourself. Letting them have carte blanche to do as they want in those areas where the power of attorney lets them--not so good. If you can understand a power of attorney form, you should be capable of understanding legal matters well enough not to need to sign it. Sign disclosure agreements instead. These let your parents see your records, but not control your transactions.

Many parents want power of attorney because they think their children cannot fend for themselves, and others will try to take advantage of them. However, these same parents are not teaching their children to advocate for themselves until long after they should have started. Self-advocacy should be taught as soon as the child can understand words. That means that even a two year old should know you don't have to let people touch you without permission; a ten year old should know your money is yours and not anyone else's; and an eighteen year old should be making his own financial, legal, and educational decisions.

If he doesn't know it, then it should be because he's not capable of learning at that age--not because the parents have said, "he's immature", and used that as an excuse not to teach.

No, he doesn't. Once in a while a fool gets lucky. Most of the time they don't. (Call me compulsive. I just had to comment.)

I'm in charge of my financial affairs as well as any medical things, as I'm capable of managing those myself. My parents taught me how to advocate for myself, and respected the fact that I became a legal adult when I was 18.

My mom is the same way. She is always making desisions for me before I have even tried them. She says she dosen't think I will be able to drive because it will be too hard and distracting. She dosen't think AS people should be allowed to drive period. I constantally have to remind her that I am not two years old anymore.

The council/LD department have full control for self,but not too sure if it was done through the courts.

the staff/whoever cannot tell am what to do,but can only advise,they can only stop am from doing things that are written into the guidelines have got,or if something is harmful to self/others/things,they are allowed to use physical force that has been approved by the behavioral specialist and written into guidelines,but nothing that can leave even a slight bruise.
they legally cannot tell am what to eat/drink,the same goes for anything to do with health or life-they have to get written permission off the gp,dietician or specialist-and they do not just give it when asked, they look at it from a doctors view,only problem is the staff are not all caring/understanding and will say not true things to get the ok from the doctor.

they [the council]have the control over account,but staff can get money out at the bank.
in some ways,it's actually good they have control because the council have a list of everything essential am need-and everything disability related am need-and they're not allowed to touch that money thats on both of those lists even if owe them a lot in care bills,they even include laptops and broadband on the disability list [due to needing a laptop for communicating with,and broadband for being only access to outside world].

agrees with Danielismyname about depending on level of impairment,it shouldnt be done just because someone is classed as 'vulnerable',the whole idea of complete guardianship [as in done through the courts] is to take over things from someone who has no ability to understand the things needed [such as with people with severe mental retardation] or people with severe mental illness who would spend everything they get,am know a few people who definitely have the full court decided guardianship but they are profound auties or have profound downs.

if needed,it is better to have less controlling guardianship-and instead back it up with support,or having someone else do it.

I have got myself into a LOT of trouble over this on the predominantly parent lists over the years...

Every so often a parent will post that their Aspie is almost 18, and asking for advice on how to obtain power of attorney...and I try to point out that there is a world of difference between Asperger Syndrome and eternal childhood, and that their need to strive to prevent their Aspie from becoming an adult is a form of co-dependency they really need to seek counselling for...

...and then there is a flame war, during which half of me wants to round 'em up and nuke 'em, the other half cannot even take them seriously...

...it get's REALLY bad if I venture to suggest that their Aspie may also, one day, have relationships that involve you-know-what, just like any other adult ...you would think I had suggested something, really, REALLY revolting...

...fact is, this is a fairly common phenomenon in the parents of a child with any suggestion of a disability, a kind of compensatory addiction to the sense of "being needed" by a vulnerable child, and that addiction doesn't want to let go.

Unfortunately, the more AS is recognised and acknowledged, the greater this problem will become. It is one of the things we HAVE to figure out how to unite and fight, if we, as a minority, are going to have a chance at fulfilling lives...

...and if you can figure out how these co-dependent parents manage to rationalise how come an elder Aspie, like me, managed to not only survive, without even even normal family support, but to do so through some situations that would be too tough for most people...while having uninterrupted ownership of a car since 1986...

Please let me know?

M.

Yuck! Sex is totally revolting [to some of us].