I walk into a room......

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....a roomful of my wifes friends and tho I haven't seen them for two years since the last Xmas get-together not one of them takes any notice, utters a word to me, never mind the fact I have the worlds cutest dog with me. In thirty years these frosty s**ts have refused to acknowledge my existance. I had a hunch it would go that way. So, full of life I make one or two quick remarks to fill the void, s**thead Mary continues her sentence sideways to someone else and I go to look for wife. She sort of believed me this time, in years gone by all talk would stop when she left the room. Even thirtyyears ago at our wedding no-one would speak to me at the reception. A curse of boils upon their arses. I have stated very plain, they never come to my funeral and if I bury her first the minute she's underground they are off outa here, pronto.

Sure is weird and makes me angry, still even after all these years. Its funny how these odd signals pass among people. ho ho Life is very much a them and us thing. ie servile / master stratified hierachy. With these women its a 'you are not one of our crowd / group'. Yet these actually were the 'loser' (horrible term) group at their teacher training college. Could be that because they are all four years older than me, as is my wife and they re-inforce this endlessly. I am manual trained self taught and am known and respected by a lot of people I've never met for what I do. Yet they never would ask re this or strike up any interest. As you say - as*holes. Admittedly they are bright, can do 'joined up talking'; tho that is because they never ever get anywhere near to anything that interests me and probably make sure never they do.Thanks for your wise words.

Where was this "party"? If it were in my home, they would be immediately escorted to the door. Now if you are wanting to keep peace with the wife. Get through that night, and NEVER have them over again. If it is a "party" somewhere else, have an excuse the night of the party and suddenly get ,"food poisoning, fall ill, etc. (just the thought of haveing to go somewhere when there are a whole room of biased, small minded a-holes, would make me sick.) You should not have to be subjected to this abuse.

This annual pre-Christmas thing is located thirty miles away at their house, wife skipped it last year. Yet they are the only people she has any connection with. I make a point now of 'swiftly moving on'. And making remarks if any that imply 'no answer needed or wanted'.

Nasty, what they did. It is definetely a form of bullying, it is very low and mean. That's all I can say about it. I was treated this way in primary school often, and it hurted vey bad.

Your nickname, ablomov, do you get it from Gontsjarov's ''Oblomov''? I LOVE it, such a brilliantly written book!! !

Oblomov is a character name coined / used by Spike Milligan, the British comedian and writer of 'Goon Show' scripts on BBC radio in the 1950's - the States had writers such as Sid Caeser, Woody Allen, Mel Brooks, we had Spike Milligan. He is a famous depressive. His biographies are fascinating reading.

No, re the thread ie wifes sh***y friends. It still bugs me that this goes on, as you say its like being a little boy again. Yes I too had an abysmal time at school. I detest their company. They organised a so-called bbq abt four years ago for a belated 25th anniv in an area I often went walking with the old dog. We knew it very well, off season visitors. For two or three years I couldn't go back, a mixture of depression and anger. The depression was a blanket over my spirits for a couple of years, anytime, anywhere. Its as if they will not allow me to develop a personality, their company is a void.

You're a saint, in my opinion. I'd get furious at my husband if he allowed inside our house people who treated me badly. I'd just be so rageful at him that I wouldn't possibly be able to "keep the peace" with him. Aaaaargh!

Maybe this is why I'm not married. I'm very interested in my partner's emotional validation / protection of me, because I never had it from my family, on the contrary, I got indifference to my emotional sufferings.

I'm getting some worthwhile feedback here.

greentea - indifference etc - this is what particularly annoys me. I tend to be a livewire yet these people are so bloody dead. Opposite ends of any spectrum. It could be they have festered and still are annoyed, I'm four years younger than wifelet here and at fifty am not bad looking, boyishly handsome and so modest...... Also greentea I know something of the emotional indifference thing, my parents were a couple of dummies.

ephemerella, to compliment my writing is thrilling for me.

I don't know why I'm treat in such way. Remember, I'm self diagnosed aspi and social situations can be tricky. A couple of parties they had twenty five or more years ago and i got drunk and so attracted to other women. So no parties for me.

Have you ever discussed this with your wife? It makes you wonder if there's something they know...or that they never accepted the marriage in the first place. We used to call the behavior 'catty', but it's not very nice.

Mentioned yes. It always guaranteed 'fireworks'. She knows what I think abt them, not allowing them at my funeral etc. Whether she'll carry that out I don't know as there will not be anyone there rooting for me. All my mothers side are banned - they have proven not to 'be on my side'.

Funnily enough my mentioning this crap behaviour of her friends this last time a few days ago did seem to generate a tiny spark of belief from wifie. Thats as far as it goes, its yet another area we avoid as it yet another trigger for a slanging match. I am now prone to destroying the insides of the house. Happy days of wonder and joy......thank goodness my work interests me.

When I'm in situations like that, I start talking anyway with the conversation. If everyone is quiet, then I ask questions that I don't really care about the answer but can't stand the silence. I usually ask how kids are doing, where they bought that, etc. If they still don't respond, then I feel sorry for them. That's when I pick the person I can't stand the most, usually who I see as a leader of the rudeness, and I ask, "Are you okay?" As sincere as I can. Usually I get an answer, like why? Then I say, "you just look like you have some gas. I got this awesome pill that will help ease the pain and reduce that bloating." Of course, they won't talk to me after that, and I continue to play stupid as if I didn't intend to insult. Then, I go on and on about how my life is perfect, and I usually include my IQ, things I bought, accent the expensive and frivolous, and keep my nose in the air the entire time looking down on them. But the moment I see a human being in them, I try to switch back to my human being mode. I don't always use the gas one, as I have many things I do to retaliate, but that seemed to be the best one for your situation if you ever wanna use it. Of course, you are dealing with morality here, and I applaud you for not stooping to my level.

There have been times where I just felt too intimidated to play the witch. So, I usually just stand in my corner and find ways to amuse myself until I'm so angry, I just leave without saying goodbye. My husband's old band used to do that to me, especially their wives. I did leave without saying anything, but my husband said things to them. I always told my husband if they were real friends, they would have been nice to me out of respect for you. After he got that point, he was very nice in standing up for me with them. They also hated it when I stopped being nice about letting him go to band practice all the time. Sad thing, I was even the one that named the band. And, I was the only wife that would let my husband practice (until they were rude to me of course). There was just no rhyme or reason to it.

I just hope my children never go through this. It breaks my heart to think about it.

I'm used to it - I've never been included, certainly never in conversation. I make sure I have no time to sit down or waste. I must scream 'aspi'? I've got better things to do'. it would seem odd if I srtarted talking now. Anyway, tho I'm fine on paper or meeting someone with knowledge and enthusiasm, with these pieces of vacuous crud i somehow lose the ablility with words - just like forty years ago at school. When I've my business hat on with customers / clients I'm fine. Or with someone I meet say by chance in the countryside, its only these outmoded pieces of garbage that continue that early seventies atmosphere. Thats why its so actually depressing and anger inducing. Its a flashback.