Great Experience in a Dance Class, I Thought I'd Share

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I've been going to dance classes for quite some time by now, and I can honestly say that they helped me in a lot of areas where I used to have problems. Just for the records the dances will be described from the point of view of someone who's leading on the dance floor. Traditionally, the man leads, but if two women dance, they'd have to decide or take turns, I guess. (In one Seinfeld episode, George actually asks his ex-girlfriend, who turned lesbian, about that.)

For example, the classes taught me the concept of boundaries with a dance partner. When I danced with girls in clubs, during the very rare occasions when they didn't reject me, I'd always dance too close, and of course, creep them out and scare them off. The dance classes helped me understand the simple notion (at least simple to NTs) of "how close is too close". Since each dance requires you hold your partner a certain way at a certain distance, it gave me a base of knowledge to work off of. As was explained in the classes, dance etiquette requires you not to pull your partner closer or dance in a more intimate position than she feels comfortable with. When I applied that concept in clubs to even to interactions with girls in general, I found that they responded to me much better. (In one sentence, don't get too close at the beginning.)

Another thing it helped me with is making me feel comfortable with dancing in general. When I asked my NT friends how to dance in clubs and at parties, they told me the usual "just follow the beat". While I'm sure it made sense to them, it was worse than useless to me. Just how exactly do I follow the beat? They couldn't give me an answer, so I was back at square one. When I tried "just following the beat", I ended up looking like an idiot. Learned specific dances gave me ideas for the moves I could use (swing dance moves work surprisingly well). Most pop music is set to 4/4 Time (4 beats per measure, a music theory concept); fortunately, so are most dances I learned. In the end, I could "follow the beat" similar to how I followed the music in the classes. (Once you fully master a basic set of moves, you'll know what to do.)

One more thing it taught me is how to interact with a girl while dancing with her. In the class, the instructor taught about different ways of leading, such as by pushing with your hand, by stepping to the side, or by moving forward with your body. The instructor also taught about what cues to look for that indicate that the girl feels uncomfortable with what you're doing. That would be things like feeling resistance when you're trying to lead, or her stepping in the direction different than you intended. (This does apply to situations where a girl doesn't know a specific dance.) That information helped me incredibly. I could now instantly find out when a girl didn't like something I did, and immediately stop that action. (To put it simply, if you feel resistance, don't proceed.)

With all that said, it took me years before I felt the benefits, although I was able to correct simple mistakes in just a few months. Either way, it was all well worth it. I had a really fun time learning, and the people in the classes were very welcoming, and tolerant toward inexperienced dancers. In the end, if you're having the problems I described, taking a dance class just might be a way to get them handled. It might take time, but perhaps the following lyrics might be of some inspiration.