Possibly thrown out of friendship. How to ask?

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Some old friends of me and my neighbour was very upset, because,I had had to pull the plug for a long time - and I didn´t say anything, because all the time, I thought, that I would cope and be social next week. Instead it took almost a year - and they thought, that I didn´t want them as friends.
We have talked it over, I did apologize and promised to let them know, if I needed to pull the plug again, so they wouldn´t feel abandoned (both of them have abandonement in their life stories)- and we have had some nice talks like in "the old days", but I haven´t been able to invite them this month.
About fourteen days ago, the male part phoned me and said hastily: I´m giving a birthday party the 31st. Then he hung up, because he was busy. I have been to his birthdays the last 15 years or so, so I took it for an invitation.
Tonight the neighbour rang and told me, that our friends said, that I wasn´t invited. I was a bit disappointed, because, I had looked foreward to seeing them all.
I am going to ask why - meaning "am I out for good, or are you just still frustrated?
Can I do it without raising more anger? How would I do that?
I´ll be happy for any advice.

Friendship is a constant thing, and should be a constant thing.

Why do you have to "pull the plug?"

Maybe these people want reassurance that you won't abandon them again. Most people don't like to be abandoned by their friends for no reason at all.

However, the way they went about telling you "you're not invited" was pretty tacky--these people didn't do it the right way.

Maybe you could ask these people for a meeting somewhere, like in a coffee shop. So you could talk about this.

I was very depressed, stressed out and didn´t manage to see anyone. I thought, it would pass any time, so I didn´t say anything.
My error.
I apologized.

I´m thinking of calling tomorrow and wish him a happy birthday and say, that I´m a little confused, because he told me, that he would throw a party.
When he´s pissed off, he´s pissed off - and he may be so behind a friendly behavior. Very hard to discover. Once on a fishing trip, I minded my own fishing and didn´t disturb his, but then I asked for a couple of minutes to take a few photos. He never wanted go fishing with me after that! One I had an anxiety attack on a very difficult stone pier,- called the "legbreaker". It took him years to forgive me. Things like that makes it very hard to know, what to think, because on the other hand, he also acts like a very loving person - and he is.
Very confusing.

Don't think of it as an error. You were in a depressed situation. You didn't do the right thing (according to these people). You apologized.

I believe friendship is something which is solid.

You should reassure these people that you will keep in contact, no matter how depressed you are. Keep in contact in some way (even if you email them).

I know, but when depressed, I am afraid to be too boring. And when I´m stressed, I´m very stressed and cannot hold a conversation.
This time things sort of crept up on me, so all the time, I thought, I could shrug it off any day.
Yes, I should have told them, and I have promised to do so.

The thing is: Would it be stupid or courageous to call them tomorrow?

If you've been friends since childhood, say, I would call them.

I would admit that I've been neglectful in the past--but that I intend on making improvements in the future.

Tell them you value their friendship (especially if you DO value their friendship). Express regret at what you've done in the past. Promise that you'll try not to "pull the plug" in the future.

If you're depressed, I am of the opinion that one should "take a vacation" from the depression by being amongst friends.

No. we´ve been friends for 19 years now. He´s 43.
Sorry, but this one, I couldn´t just take a vacation from, and I wasn´t great company.
I don´t think, I have "DONE" anything in the past, apart from not telling them, that I would have to withdraw for a time.
I did promise, that I would tell, IF, I had to do so again for some time. I didn´t "pull the plug" on them especially. I just had to disconnect from everybody.

Well, it´ll be difficult, but I´ll have to call and just ask plain and simple. Maybe a brunch some day would be a good idea. Thanks.

I hope all goes well with you.

If it doesn't, you live in a big city. I'm sure you could find friends when you go to lectures, to classical concerts, to museums, etc. Maybe you could create, for yourself, a new circle of friends.

I just talked to my friend. It seems, that I misunderstood and thought his message about throwing a party was an invitation. I said, "I´m looking foreward to it" and thought it ok. He had expected me to react more. I told him, that I´d like him to tell me, what he expects of me, because, I can´t allways imagine.
I suggested, that we meet at my place and set things right over a meal. Then I wished him a merry birthday and told him to greet the others from me. All the way he answered with his characteristic light fast, voice. Totally pokerfaced. I don´t know what to expect, but now I´ll invite them both for dinner next week. So, let´s see.
Thankyou for your support here

It actually looks really good for the maintenance of your friendship.

LOL...Scandinavians, to me, seem to be frequently "pokerfaced"--not showing their feelings via their faces.

Some people call it "Lutheran reserve."

"Lutheran reserve"... I never heard that one before. Well, my friend is a scandinavian with korean roots =even more lutheran reserve
I called him once more, was more firm about it and set 3 possible dates next week.....said, that this is too stupid. The aim for that evening is to clear the air. There are MANY misunderstandings over the years and I´ll make sure, that they are not scared to ask and speak their minds.
He allready sounded like his old self. We´ll be allright.

LOL...I can see you all discussing things like they do in Ingmar Bergmann films!

I'm glad you will be able to clear the air, and to continue your friendship.

Oh no, please - no more Bergman- discussions! I´ve had my share of those in my younger years. NOPE!

We´ll probably end up dicussing fish or garden stuff

Are you especially fond of herring?

They have lots of that in northern Europe.

Herring is a fine little fish. When at sea, I go for herring and cod. On the coast, I fish after trout and flounders.

Do you have your own boat--or do you rent one on the docks?

My wife has a brother who lives in Trinidad. He owns a boat. He sometimes catches his own fish for dinner. He also gathers crabs on the shore of the ocean, as well as in caves.