Worst experience you've had due to your aspieness?
For me its more like a compilation of hundreds of bad situations all relating to the opposite sex. A perfect example would be the breakup with my first girlfriend. On a trip to see her while I was at university I decided that being with her wasn't the best thing for me. I offered her no explanation except that on the drive to her house I came to the conclusion that we weren't meant to be. I walked into her house, sat her down on her bed and said "I don't love you, I'm going to go." After which I immediately drove back to my university. She sat there for an entire day crying and trying to reason through it. To this day I can't figure through my thought process. She often accused me of being emotionally detached and never telling her my feelings, which I later find is an aspie trait. I've done this to two more girls since. I love them, but some emotion which I can't quite put my finger on comes along and I have to be done with it. There is no going back after I feel it and I've tried to work though it but once it hits, I have to go through with it. It leaves me feeling depressed and quite off because I can never justify myself and I make other people feel awful for no good purpose.
Anyone else have any weird/awkward/unexplainable moments they'd like to share?
One of the bad experiences I have gotten is saying the wrong things and pissing people off.
Another one was teasing my mother and not stopping because she kept telling me to "stop that teasing" so I kept doing another tease. I got her so mad, she finally kicked me out of the car and drove off and stopped up ahead and told me to get in. I then found out she meant she didn't want me teasing her at all.
I am not sure if this was AS or not but my school counselor said it was but he was so full of it my mom said so I stopped seeing him due to her request.
I was in 5th grade and I had this best friend but she was mean to me off and on. I would see these boys picking on her so I would stand up to her and she get mad at me. Turns out they were just playing. So the next day she pick on me "to teach me a lesson" and then when I see the boys pick on her again, I didn't stand up to her and she would still be mean to me because she was teaching me a lesson again. It was so confusing because I didn't know when she was in trouble or when they were just playing so I got sick of her bullying and dumped her. I was even glad she moved to another town. I didn't miss her. I don't know what I did to set her off but I would guess it was in the 4th grade because that was when she started to be mean to me and she was still when school started again after the summer. Then she was nice to me when my other friends were mad at her. But yet they would send me to do something to her and she would send me to do something to them. I got so sick of it I brought them back together and then she was back to being mean to me again and my other friends didn't do a thing about it. My mother said they were just using me.
Yeah some friends I had in school. My guess is the reason why they wouldn't stick up to me is they didn't want to piss their friend off or she might have been mean to them.
This had to do with lack of TOM:
I remember this boy was over at my house playing with my brothers and he asked me to bring his bike home for him so I did but instead when I get around the block, I decided to hide his bike in the bush to play a trick on him and expected him to look in the bush. I go back and tell him I left his bike on the sidewalk and I thought he would look in the bush when he sees his bike isn't on the sidewalk. But when the boy's mother called, my mother shouted "Elizabeth, where is Nathan's bike?" I knew I was in trouble because my mother yelled at me and I couldn't understand why he didn't look in the bush. My mother made me get his bike and bring it back to his house and boy was I busted for playing a trick on him. I never hid someone's bike ever again.
Took me a while to figure out why he didn't look in the bush. He didn't know the bike was in it because I didn't tell him I put it there or I hid it so how was he supposed to know to look in the bush? He can't read my mind. Of course if other kids hid it, they would get a kick out of him not finding it because they know he wouldn't know it's in the bush.
I'm not sure about my worst singular moment, but I hate when I'm especially tired (which tends to be more often than not with my aspie sleep habits). It makes me feel like I'm even more behind. I get way more forgetful, which leads to mistakes and fighting myself to not give into every inclination to insecurity and second-guessing that comes along (being tired also makes me feel like I'm on less solid ground). I also tend to stumble over my words a lot, with labored articulation, which really sucks when you feel restricted mainly to verbal means of communication (the isolation always seems a little more intense when I can't find my words). I'm getting better (a little bit, anyways) at minimizing it as I go along, but it's always going to be a problem.
melissa17b
Velociraptor
Joined: 19 Oct 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Female
Posts: 420
Location: A long way from home, wherever home is
Over the years it becomes hard to point to any single moment or incident, as the collection just seems to grow as I stumble through the days. As RipCity says, its worse when tired (or anxious), which for me is most of the time.
I would have to say, however, that there are two general categories of situational responses that are most disabling:
1. I am not usually aware of what I am feeling until much later. Talking about it can help me recognise what I am feeling. I am not vulnerable to suggestion - my feelings are real and they are my own - but sometimes I need to be pointed in the right direction to find them. One can only imagine how that goes over in close relationships.
2. In unexpected argument or negotiation situations, or when threatened, or when there is a general rushed sense to a situation, I experience selective mutism - a complete "brain freeze" and momentary physical inability to speak. All you get is a blank stare. It royally ticks people off, and I have yet to understand why.
When I was in the mental hospital due to being suicidal one of the staff members asked me how angry I was on a scale from 1-10 like an idiot I answered truthfully a 10. The next thing I know 10-15 rush into my room and restrain me while a nurse pulled my pants down and injected me with god knows what. Well I bit one of them out of fear and anger so they tied me down to the bed face down for an hour and left me there. I was so pissed they were lucky no blunt objects were in that hospital I would have murdered each and every single one of them that is how pissed I was. I got more suicidal during my stay in that place lord not a nice place to even visit.
Note: I was suicidal due to constant harassment at school and the refusal of the school to stop the harassment.
The most consistent, painful and confusing experience of AS for me has been:
Inability to correctly communicate with others. Whether due to perceptual problems, misinterpretation, false assumptions, or any of the other host of possible complications that aspies encounter in trying to understand people and be understood in return.
This factor has caused me to botch relationships, lose jobs, feel alienated from most of the world, and miss a variety of personal and professional opportunities that have come before me. This is obviously not one instance of "worst experience", but a pervasive theme that has colored nearly all my experiences in life.
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Plantae/Magnoliophyta/Magnoliopsida/Fabales/Fabaceae/Mimosoideae/Acacia
Last edited by Acacia on 09 Jan 2009, 8:16 am, edited 1 time in total.
Liverbird
Supporting Member
Joined: 13 Jun 2007
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,119
Location: My heart belongs to Anfield
My worst aspie moment is still happening to me.
About 20 months ago I went to court with my ex for a support hearing and the judge was just being stupid and he didn't understand that my son is Asperger's as well, so I finally, in exasperation told him that he wasn't being fair or impartial and we needed a new judge. He gave custody to my ex and I haven't been allowed to visit with him since. They justified taking custody from me saying that I was unfit because of my autism and that I had made my son mentally ill by making him believe that he was autistic, too. (He was diagnosed before me, but I must still be crazy, right?).
Sorry, didn't mean to upstage anyone. I have to go to court again today. Haven't seen my son in a year, haven't talked to him since Mother's Day even though we have court ordered daily 15 minute phone visits. Don't expect anything to change. Judge is an ass. Ex is an ass. His lawyer is an ass. My son's lawyer is an ass.
There are no good resources for higher functioning people out there and people don't understand. They think because I am competent at my job that there is nothing wrong with me and I am normal. Do I look like a washing machine setting? Stress is very unkind to my system.
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"All those things that you taught me to fear
I've got them in my garden now
And you're not welcome here" ---Poe
My worst aspie moments to tend to be relationships in general. All my NT partners think I am very cold and unfeeling towards them, I cannot really explain my emotions to them, as 1. I find it hard to understand my emotions and 2. I find it even harder to try and explain them, if and when I actually understand them myself. When I do get to the point where I can explain myself it tends to be at a level a child may express themselves, therefore the emotions get dismissed by the NT. I also tend to clam up when talking about feelings in a relationship, I then start stimming and want to run as far away from that person as possible. I also find it very hard to understand NT's, and to empathise with them. Hence why I am again single.
I would love to be in a relationship but I doubt whether I know any NT's who would be so patient and understanding of me without getting annoyed or paranoid that I didnt want them. I need someone to just be there for me and not expect too much in return. I guess thats the hard part
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Is it better to let people assume you are stupid than to open your mouth and remove all doubt??
All of school, most of work...
But one incident that may or may not be a result of my Asperger's was when a boy at my highschool was killed, after being hit by a car. I found out from friends of his the very next day, but they always teased me, made fun of me and quite often it was based on what they could get me to believe or what lies they could tell me that I wouldn't pick up on. So I had basically decided to never believe anything they told me.
I thought that the kid who died, Jamie, his name was, must just be away that day and they had decided to make me think he was dead. So I started making jokes about Jamie, about the accident and about how I wouldn't care if he was dead.
When we were finally told at school assembly that Jamie had indeed been killed, I was in shock. I actually laughed out loud, as if the teachers were somehow in on the joke or something. I was in a daze and it slowly dawned on me that it was true.
I made a few enemies that day, both students and teachers.
But worse than all of that, I felt so guilty about having made jokes about Jamie. I was grief stricken and prayed that he understood why I had made fun of him. It was many, many years till I could look back on that day and not be sick with guilt over what I said.
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IN GIRVM IMVS NOCTE ET CONSVMIMVR IGNI
Don't we all, dear
Its nice to know its not just me who thinks like that.
Im guessing even NT's may think the same from time to time
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Is it better to let people assume you are stupid than to open your mouth and remove all doubt??
This kind of thing used to happen to me all the time! I think it is totally due to AS & the inability to judge people's intentions when they are teasing. I just assumed that since people teased me to get me to break down (so they could laugh at me), that all teasing was like that. It never occurred to me that NTs actually LIKE to be teased (some sort of bonding ritual, I guess.)
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"I am likely to miss the main event, if I stop to cry & complain again.
So I will keep a deliberate pace - Let the damn breeze dry my face."
- Fiona Apple - "Better Version of Me"
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