Is asperger's making me unhappy or is it just me?

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Hello,

I'm new here but I'm not sure if this is the right forum for me. I couldn't find any other life help forums so I'll give it a go here. Here's a little information about myself.

I'm currently 20 years old still living at home with my parents. Ever since I graduated high school I've never really been happy at anything. I was dianosged with Asperger's Syndrome in my junior year of high school and I've never really done anything. All I do now is sit in my room on the computer. And even then I do nothing but stare at the screen for hours on end. I do have skills in web design and development, some Java programming, computer technical skills, built the last 5 computers I have now. I'm also a video editor for a company. I work at home as an Independent Contractor.

You would think I'd be happy working out of the house, but I'm not. In fact, I loved my job when I got it now I hate it. I've tried doing new things with all my technology skills but nothing makes me happy anymore. I've tried to talk to my parents about things, but I just can't. For some reason I feel like a failure when I want to talk to them about problems with not being happy.

I've never been to dances, parties, nothing. I didn't even go to any of my high school sports games, dances, nothing. I've got no friends or anything. Half the time I just stare at the computer talking to online friends, which really aren't friends, just people I've met online and talk about nothing. Other days I don't even get up or go out of my room to eat or do anything.

I was going to college at one point but I was forced to drop out because I lost my financial aid and couldn't afford to go anymore. I admit, I didn't really see a point to going and learning something I already knew. Now, I'm always thinking of what I'm going to be doing the rest of my life, what I can do right now to be happy. Nothing comes to mind.

I really do wish I could talk to someone in person, but I don't have no one to talk to. Anyone got any advice for me?

Thanks.

I'm absolutely sure, you've come to the right place.
I'm not the best person giving hint's, but I'm sure alot of people would be glad to help.
Anyway, I will try to relate to you, in case that makes you feel better.

By the way: Welcome!...

Neither have I ever been to a party or dance. Why would I?
There are way to many noises, and to many people. It just get's too much.
It's actually pretty common AS (Asperger's) difficulties.

I know the problem, that it can be hard getting a friend. That's why I don't have too many either.


The best advice I can give you, is if you try to see if it's possible got get a job in which you are interested.
It's something that can help alot. I quitted my education, to go for something not as hard, with not too much homework (if any).
I can tell that it helped a lot. So right now I'm taking an IT-Supporter (Is it called that in english?) education.


Do what makes you feel right... But watch out, it's a jungle out there!

Remember that you are always welcome here.

[EDIT]:
Oh, just a thought... You don't know if you meet your perfect matching friend, at the new education.
I did, and I'm very happy for that!...
So don't give up, I know it can be hard, but I'm sure you'll find a nice person. Maybe not at your age, but who cares...
Well, maybe you won't find a friend at the time, but you will always at some point in life meet a special person, who you become good friends with.

Remember "Friend" is a large term, it's how you define it that makes the difference.

It's hard to say. I know that I get cabin fever when I'm not able to get out of the apartment very often. That doesn't necessarily mean that I'm being tremendously social when I'm getting out, I may just be seeing a movie or going to dinner with my girlfriend.

You may want to move this thread to "the Haven", I'm not sure. That forum is set up for people to talk about and get support for when they're really upset... at least that's my interpretation.

Maybe you need to figure out what changes you could make in your life that you are in control of and that would have the side benefit of making you happy. Have you tried hooking up with an agency that would maybe hook you up with an employment specialist that work with you on finding a job that would be better for you? Maybe you need a little social intervention.

You make your own happiness, so what can you do to make things better or more to your liking?

I sorry to hear you are unhappy right now, and there won't be an easy fixes.

To start with, you might consider talking to a counselor who understands AS just so you really do have someone to talk to. A live face, beyond the computer. But finding the right professional can be tricky; fit and personality are important.

AS by itself doesn't make someone unhappy, but it can contribute to difficult situations and difficult situations can make you unhappy. Finding the connections there will help you make adjustments to mitigate the effect, so that you can be happier.

Do keep posting here. I think this place is a great resource.

I think, you need some off-line friends. May be, it will be useful to work at office, not at home. Another way is try to find some interesting activity that involves socializing. There is rather easy way to attend parties and dancing: lessons of social dances (e.g. hustle, salsa) in dancing studios. Dance is just a skill, there is nothing supernatural in it. From my own experience I know, that this may be not easy for person with AS traits, but such activity as social dancing gives a good chance to meet new people off-line

My work doesn't have an office, the whole corporation is ran online. About the dancing, it's not that I don't know or want to learn to dance, it's just there's to many people and it gets noisy at em that makes me stay away.

I think they were recommending that you find a job with another company.

In my opinion the best thing you could do right now is to get in a car and drive across the country and meet people and see what people do to make a living in a wide variety of regional environments. School is just a step stool. There is a need to do a certain amount of real living before deciding on what you really want to do. Maybe even going back to school, but you'll never know what is 'out there' unless you go looking.
Just my 2-cents

I'm a lot like you 20 years old depressed about life and not sure what to do in my future and always thinking about that. On the computer almost 24/7. I have 1 friend that lives decently close, from high school but always seem to wreck any other relationships.

cant go to parents they just say everybody goes through this or that i got to be more positive

so i can't give you advice but there is another person out there like you

oh one more thing about college try looking for a state program to help disabled people get jobs and schooling in NY where i live its VESID they can sometimes help with financial aid.

I thought about going back to school. A design school though. There's an Art Institutes in my area but the thing I'm worried about is it costing a fortune and me not able to get financial aid to go there. I hate to leave my current job, my boss loves my work and stuff and it's okish pay ($10/hr, but that's average for a first job right?) Right now I'm working 20 to 60 hours a week so it's not really a steady workflow.

I think my real interest is web dev, but I haven't done anything in that area for years since I got addicted to this stupid online game, which I've quit a couple years back, THANK GOD, lols.

That's what I've been doing for the past decade, with a focus on applications. I'm working on starting a software company with the specific intention of hiring programmers with AS, to create a good work environment for those of us who've had the kind of problems I had keeping jobs. A place where pacing, stimming, etc. is okay and where the work is really more important than how well you "fit in". Details are still sketchy, but they'll be coming together hopefully soon, once Tiff and I have made this move back to Texas.

How's the freelance market for web dev then? I'm looking at going to Art Institutes and then forming my own design/dev company.

It's hard for me to say... I'm terrible at doing freelance. I can't handle the stress of maintaining lots of client relationships. So I've bounced around at different "full-time permanent" jobs across the country.

Here's something you might consider: volunteer work! It would give you a sense of esteem and pride that you are helping others in an altruistic way. You could look in the yellow pages under "social services" and find something you are interested in, call them up and ask if they need any volunteers.

Depressive? Are you depressive?

Even if you're unhappy, you should be able to be happy about something. That would be normal unhappiness. You'd normally still feel interest and curiosity. You'd feel great, feel pleasure doing things. If you don't feel that anymore it might have to do with a depression.

I mean, the way you wrote that post sounded really negative and as if you can't find it in you to go about your day/work.

If you're already having issues doing something and are sitting in front of your computer's screen paralysed it's time to talk to a professional about this.