Do you have gravitas?

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By this I mean can you act like a "grownup"? I'm not talking about emotional maturity here. There are plenty of 45 year olds who

can manage an air of dignity while still being an emotional 4 year old. Also emotional maturity I think is a splintered skill. It's not

easy to define someone definitively that way. I'm talking about that air of " I know what the hell is going on and I am in total

control of my life". I can't quite manage it. I think everyone is at least partially insecure and confused but most would never

let that show. It seems to come so naturally to some people. How do they do it?

Know what you mean. For some it is totally natural - for others it is "ceaseless and effortful vigilance" - quote read long ago - that keeps the facade in place. Others cannot fake it even with maxi effort.

Here is the thing for me - often when I think I am visibly falling apart, nobody can tell. And often when I think my disguise impenetrable, everybody knows.

Last week I was in Times Square, which is an extremely disorienting place, with very crowded sidewalks and enormous flashing billboards. I wasn't exactly sure where the subway was, which is what I was trying to reach, but I made a point of striding purposefully as if I knew exactly where I was going. Is that the sort of thing you're talking about? It's something you just fake. I have lived in big cities all my life, and if you look like a lost lamb you make yourself a target, so I always walk briskly and with an air of purposefulness, whether I feel it or not. (And yes, although I am 46 I am emotionally 12.)

No, I don't. My usual standby approach is to put myself into a "I don't care what you think, I'm glad to be here and happy to be alive" frame of mind; I work around children *shudders* and they pick up on uncertainty, but slightly manic confidence usually confuses them.

i have the opposite of gravitas, whatever that is called. all my life i've been called a lightweight. a non-entity. mostly invisible 'cept when i want to be invisible. the yahoos can see me alright, and they never let me forget it.

As long as it's a clear task I know I'm good at, I can appear perfectly confident and in control. Much of the time I think I project a persona that knows what it's doing.

same here... I remember in school my teachers would mark me absent a lot because they just simply didn't notice me. When my parents forced me to christmas parties people would say to my parents, "Hey how come blah didn't come?" while I'm standing 2 feet away

Of course if I did something embarrassing all of a sudden everyone notices and they'd remind me of it every single friggen day

I guess in a way I'm talking about "poise".

poise 1 (poiz)
v. poised, pois·ing, pois·es
v.tr.
To carry or hold in equilibrium; balance.
v.intr.
To be balanced or held in suspension; hover.
n.
1. A state of balance or equilibrium; stability.
2. Freedom from affectation or embarrassment; composure.
3. The bearing or deportment of the head or body; mien.
4. A state or condition of hovering or being suspended.

from http://www.thefreedictionary.com/poise

"Levitas."

I'm a little unclear on this - it seems like there are two things being discussed. I am at a loss in that people, even teenagers seem to know something I don't know. I was just wondering yesterday what happened to me. I walked by a woman my age in the wine section of the store and she was so grownup. She looked like she was getting wine because that's something that grownups who wear pearls and heels would do after work. I like wine because I like to know all about the vineyards and the qualities of each vintage, even if I don't drink it. I looked like a kid standing there and she looked like she should tell me what to do. I felt like I'd fallen down a rabbit hole at some point in my life.

The other point, poise, is something I'm very comfortable with. I've spent most of my life in dance and schools where posture was check everyday with a ruler. I can carry myself very comfortably though I do bump into stuff a lot.

I meant emotional poise but perhaps neither gravitas or poise is the right word. I'm 53 but I act far younger. Even though I like to think I'm considerate of others I don't know how to act like a grownup. Maybe it's because I've never been able to acquire the expectations of adulthood (real job, house, marriage) that I can't pull it off.

I honestly don't know how I come across to those who don't know me at all (strangers, coworkers, etc), though the word "weirdo" has been following me around a lot lately. Those who know me somewhat (family and friends), however, often make references to how I possess these traits. Apparently I come across to them as in-control, composed, calm, and almost ever-patient (if only "patient" started with a C). They even occasionally seek me out for these traits when they're needing some stability, which is flattering if baffling, and have been doing so for years. I do effort to possess these characteristics, but it only goes so deep. The control, composure, calm, and patience are constantly threatening to break. In other words, I allegedly look poised but do not feel it.

I think all people are onions. We each have our own different layers. In regards to this topic, I suppose I'm trying to say that my layers are:
1. ??? (something which seems simultaneously vulnerable and intimidating, from what I've been able to surmise)
2. Patience, control, calm
3. Utter chaos--anxiety, fear, hilarity, and something I've yet to find the name for
4. Patience, calm (how rarely this one surfaces)

Sativarg.

You sound 'unbearably' light, auntie. Why don't you float up into a higher realm

I think I am quiite poised. Not always. I don't have a lot of heaviness.

When I read this I looked it up in my dictionaries, google'd it, desperate to find the definition and was baffled when I just couldn't find it. Then I realized it was gravitas backwards. Made my day!

Oh dear, someone read what I said. How strange. At least your day was made and not ruined.

I've actually had people tell me I come across as wise and self possessed but I certainly don't feel that way. Maybe I'm just self conscious about my inability to talk about the trappings of adulthood since I don't have any. I'm just feeling out of sorts I guess.