I'm a coward

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I'm a coward .The question over autism spectrum disorder constantly hangs over me ,but I'm too scared to press for an assessment. Although I have autistic traits I question whether I would meet the full criteria. In fact I fit a similar thing non-verbal learning disorder better. The trouble being NVLD is scarcely recognised in this country . The local autism service doesn't cover NVLD so the fear is the rejection of an autism diagnosis will not result in other avenues being explored. This in turn would cement/strengthen the ignorant and misguided belief that everything relates back to the mental health diagnosis. Then there is the issue that as an adult there's not much support whether you're on the spectrum or NVLD. It would be nice though to be able to say to all the ignorant f*****s it was always much more than a case of being "awkward,demanding and troublesome"

What would be the harm in trying to get an assessment?

Nothing ventured , nothing gained FM

The harm is getting blown off ,other possibilities like NVLD not being considered, and the "everything is down to mental health problems" mentality ,which is totally ignorant and wrong, being strengthened.
Given what the local autism service has said it does seem like it's an autism diagnosis or bust. That very much sways my hand.

You’re not a coward at all. You’re the victim of a crappy situation with little support and limited options. Many of us have been in the same boat. Please don’t be too hard on yourself. I do wish you the best of luck with this.

I don't think that makes you a coward. It's such a complex feeling trying to work out whether to go for diagnosis.

When I was part way through the process I made the mistake of posting on here, and some people made some incredibly unhelpful comments. Having spent the last 2.5 months unsure of why I felt/feel so conflicted, I've concluded the following:

1) if you spend you're whole life being misunderstood (including by your own self), it's natural to want clarity and understanding.

2) if you've been incorrectly labeled in the past, including by being not adequately listened to by health professionals, it's natural to feel apprehensive about either receiving a diagnosis if it's incorrect, or being prematurely shut down. Both are valid fears when they've been your experience.

3) if you can find a psych professional who does take the time to accurately represent you, whatever the answer, you'll be closer to clarity.

Ultimately #3 helped me get through. I felt like my psychologist really listened (including taking in information from my mum and my husband), and by the end I felt that even a "no, that's not it" would have taken me closer to the truth. Since receiving my diagnosis, I wish I'd been better prepared for the horrible roller coaster ride. In the past two months I've had two periods (about a week each) of being suicidal and have felt so much mental agony that I didn't expect, but it's definitely getting better in terms of acceptance and feeling like I'm going to be able to learn to live with this. It's a really hard thing, but it's worth knowing, I think.