Would you believe it if someone told you that...

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a specific person you appreciate very much and consider wonderful because they're really nice to you, is actually bullying another person they consider below them?

I ask because the colleague I share an office with is best friends with my supervisor. She acts totally different to me than to her. With me she's a bully, with her she acts like a real kind and considerate person. She'll be bullying me and stop when my supervisor comes in and resume when my supervisor leaves our office. This got me wondering whether a human is capable of believing at all that their friend has another personality and how they'd react if one day they discovered it. (I wouldn't tell her, of course)

Sorry, Greentea; that's what happens when supervisors put more value on social skills than on getting the job done - those who know how to polish someone's brass will always have an advantage over the people that do the work, especially when it comes to bullying.

no, no. My supervisor is not her supervisor. They were best friends at the company they used to work for too, for years. Actually, my room mate colleague brought my supervisor to this company because they're friends.

i do believe you have highlit the minefield that is human social relating....which alters depending on dialectics and contexts.. Jus twhen we think we have got someone "sussed" and readable....along comes yet another facet that stymies us.
Most people can attend to this kind of thing a lot more fluidly and easily than we can. My suggestion is to lay low and just do your work, Greentea.

the world is a funny old place.

By the way, i enjoy the specificity of your threads -- a concrete example that so manyof us can relate to.

Poisonality topic

You would think instinctively that humans know that person A perceives Person B differently than Person C, and so on. I think they know, but will not admit this, because relationships are political, and various persons will align themselves with others whom they feel have power, authority, influence and who, of course, will help them get ahead. Various persons will ignore the elephant in the living room in order to get what they want.

Social relations in the NT world are political/power motivated and pure poison.

I wonder if anyone would actually be affected if they discovered that their friend who treats them so nicely is actually a monster to someone else. From my own experience, I never saw anyone affected. And then, when (invariably) their turn comes to be at the receiving end of this friend's cruelty, they lament.

I'd find them to be distasteful and think of them as untrustworthy. The trust, and therefore relationship, would be over.

I had a similar situation back in my old job- the manager was such a bastard to me and the other guy who worked there, he literally made our lives hell, he was rude, obnoxious, never looked at us or used our names (he called us "you" :p), when he got drunk he swore at us...

and at the same time he was a really great father and friend to all the customers, I never ever heard this much praise said about anyone, not even Mother Theresa or whatnot. he was like a local hero, everyone loved him.

later I asked some of the customers (they all liked me, well most of them) why he was so massively two faced and they told me that he was racist and hated us, white scum from Eastern Europe (he was an Irishman himself)

it was pretty weird, and when I told him I wanted to be treated with respect he fired me. that was the best thing that could've happened to me at the time, I was at the end of my nerves with him and I only managed to work there 1 month...

I can't relate to enjoying the company of a bully, much less becoming a friend. People who bully are usually insipidly shallow people. They must be very empty headed if they have nothing better to do than try to keep other people down.

If I was in your place I'd be worried that the supervisor knows what's going on but just isn't willing to act on it or say anything. Then the only option is to pretend not to know that the bullying is taking place. Who knows. I'd probably just think the supervisor is guilty by association. People suck.

I don't know if anyone would drop a friend because they catch them bullying others. Most people, when they like their friends, like to believe / lie to themselves that "the other" probably deserves the bad treatment, otherwise their wonderful friend wouldn't be dishing it out.

Nothing worse than to be bullied by rank and "superiorority".

This seems to be so common when I'm working with females.

All I can say is, I've seen two sides to this. If she doesn't know already about, she'll eventually will regarding how serious the bullying is. I had one lady that lie about what I was doing to her supervisor. I was so upset but tried to keep it cool by stating the facts without letting the emotions or opinions get in the way and stuck to my story whenever asked.

I can remember that girl cussing me out everytime I worked with her through mumbles and she was "such a great person" with everyone including the supervisor. I think what she was doing was competing with me in the social and corporate ladder...why me I don't know.

But I started journaling the time, the place, and the activities she was doing whenever it involved me. I'd see her steal things while I was working that shift on second floor...where she wasn't suppose to be. Well I felt like my job was being threatened b/c of what she did. She told my supervisor about the cups that were chipped and amount of stuff that was not in its approximate number. Mind you, her shift was after mine so I becamea the scapegoat. My supervisor believed her.

Well...that was until I had witnesses and the information I took down everytime she showed up in my shift just to help out or see how good I was doing on the job....yeah right. This helped tremendously but it did take a while and I'm a very sensative person when it comes to bullying especially mind games and manipulation.

I wouldn't bring it up right away with your supervisor but if this colleague is acting inappropriately in such a way that jepordizes you job...Write It Down!! But don't let your emotions interfere with it since sometimes we react in such a way that doesn't make us look so good.

It might not solve you supervisor playing favorites..but it will let her know what's going on. I think that's one mistake a lot of us make is playing favorites as if we knew our friend not to be the other person they truly are. This is why I try never to take sides when cases such as this happen.