Greentea hosts: mysterious tree-lover...ACACIA!! !

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Good evening, Acacia and thank you for being with us tonight.

I've been intrigued by some of your posts on these forums and I've found myself looking forward to getting to know you better. And since you volunteered to be my first guest for the show season, well here we are!

First of all, I'd like to ask you a few personal details (and remind you once again, before we start, the rules of the show: YOU choose which questions you wish to answer, and no excuses or reasons need be given for not picking the rest. Also: YOU and only YOU choose the extent and depth and detail to which you want to answer any of my or other posters' questions. Your only committment is to remain respectful of the audience and share in a constructive way for the benefit of all present. WP's T&C apply fully to all participants in this thread, like in any other thread. The interviews are public, to give them maximum exposure. Please do not share any identifying details about you or info that you do not wish the worldwide web to know about you).

And now, yes...
What continent did you grow up in?
Are you male or female?
What age bracket do you belong to?

Now a short message from our sponsor, WrongPlanet, and we'll be back in a few minutes with Acacia!! !

Thank you, Greentea. It's my pleasure.



- I grew up on the North American continent, United States. Been in Florida since the age of three.

- I am male.

- Age brackets depend upon the population being sampled. So I'll make one up. I'll count by Fives. Since I am 27, I'll put myself in the 25-30 age bracket.


Next question?

Thanks! Then it's probably about midnight for you now, and I'm getting ready to go to work.

I'm curious to know...
How long have you been on WP?
What was the path that led you to WP?
And what keeps you here?

Good questions

I've been a member on WP since December 13, 2008, and a lurker for about a week prior to that.



On December 1, 2008, an acquaintance of mine forwarded me a link to Baron-Cohen's AQ Test. It was frivolity to them. Out of curiosity I took it, and proceeded to score in the positive/definite range for Asperger's Syndrome. I was shocked. When I emailed this acquaintance the results of the test, they were equally shocked, and uncomfortably embarrassed. I felt a twinge deep within me, like the faintest rumblings of an undersea earthquake about to trigger a massive tidal wave.

Over the next few days, I began to read everything I could about AS. I really had no working knowledge of it, and had only heard it mentioned a few times. Everything I read was a deeper confirmation and an increasingly more specific explanation of how Asperger's Syndrome had shaped the course of my entire life without my knowing it.

Within a week, I slowly began to feel as if the ground was falling from under me. I became a deck of cards, randomly shuffled. Distant memories flooded back to me, demanding re-evaluation in the light of this new revelation. I felt ecstatic and profoundly relieved, while at the same time feeling utterly morose. "Me" had begun to disintegrate under the weight of this tidal wave, now in full swell.

Seeking support, understanding, anything... I wound up finding WP. I began to read through some threads. I instantly saw bits of light in some of these posts. People who KNEW. As soon as I got situated, I dove in head-first.




There is a level of discourse here, which I think is only truly possible amongst people on the spectrum. It is a kind of finely-tuned, sublime brilliance, which can slip by unnoticed to people who do not "get" AS and autism. Millie's recent "SELF" thread is a good example. In reading and responding to that thread, I realized things about myself that I had not independently realized in 27 years of being alive. That's powerful.

Beyond that, I find WP to be a welcoming, comfortable place where I can air any thoughts/concerns/insights/etc. with a good chance of being understood, validated, and perhaps even appreciated... which is something I have not experienced a great deal of with the rest of humanity.

: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :
All of this felt tremendously good to write.

What else would you like to know?

Mmm...so we have a newcomer here, welcome to WP then! And you say your awareness of having AS is new too. But you didn't mention...did you think you were different before taking that test too? If so, in what ways? What was your life like before taking that test?

I have nearly always thought that I was "different". As a child, I remember identifying with Gonzo, because he was the "weird" muppet. From an early age (5-6 years old) I began to notice that I thought about things that other kids did not. I felt much older mentally than my peers at school. I was always taller than the other kids, which made me stand out physically. I got straight A's in school, which caused me to stand out intellectually. I had a tendency to be awkward, painfully shy, a conversation-killer, anxious, and paranoid. I was terrified of criticism and failure. I was prone to emotional outbursts at inappropriate times. I misheard people constantly. I had a couple of friends, but often felt like I was on the perimeter, even within that group.... There are a lot of symptoms here, but it never added up to anything cohesive. At least, not to me or the people around me.

As a teenager, I went further into my introspective universe, and did not form any friendships/social networks, which are supposed to be the kind of thing you do as a teenager. I stayed home and concentrated on my interests. By age 15-16, I began to realize that things were not OK. I saw other kids my age doing things that I could not do, and it upset me. I began to get increasingly frustrated at my social ineptitude, my constant anxiety, my seeming inability to stay organized or complete some essential tasks. Although I had begun to understand that I was indeed "different", I believed what my parents and others told me, which was that personality flaws were the reason for my difficulties. I was just shy, or lazy, or inexperienced, according to them. I had no idea that my life fit into a distinct, classifiable pattern. I just felt "wrong". I remember using the phrase, "I want to take a screwdriver and tune up everything inside my head." I began to experience depression and severe anxiety. My grades dropped. I appeared apathetic and listless to the people around me.

Eventually, I was referred to a therapist. Three therapists later, and I had still done nothing productive. I had a bit of success with one, who then referred me to a psychiatrist. He chatted with me for what seemed about 15 minutes, then diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Social Phobia and said I should take Paxil.

This was a partial explanation for me. These diagnoses addressed the symptoms but not the cause of my problems. I still didn't know what that cause was. Now, having discovered what that cause is... everything makes sense.

In general, before taking the AQ test and finding that I almost certainly have Asperger's Syndrome, my life was frustrating. People ignored me, took advantage of me, or made fun of me. I couldn't seem to understand why I had such a hard time with people, with a career, with certain sensory experiences. Now that I see why I've had all these problems, it gives me something to work with to now improve and move forward however I am able.

Thanks for the welcome, by the way.
Next question?

Why?



Do you understand it now? If so, what are the reasons?

People ignored me because:
-I often said strange, inconsistent, or inappropriate things.
-My body language and lack of eye contact gave people the impression that I was uncomfortable, anxious, lying, hiding something, not listening/distracted, etc.
-I wasn't able to reciprocate others' attempts at friendships or relationships.
-I didn't share their interests.
-I never seemed to be able to "take a joke".
-I was usually quiet and avoided other people if I could help it.

People took advantage of me because:
-I was socially naive and overly trusting of people I thought were my friends.
-I believed other people's lies and deceptions to be the truth, and had problems knowing when people were playing games with my mind.
-I would do what people asked of me, even if they were rudely imposing on me, because of a difficulty in sticking up for myself and speaking my mind, as well as a desperate desire to please others and make friends.

People made fun of me because:
-I am very tall.
-I have been overweight in the past.
-I am often physically clumsy or uncoordinated.
-as well as many of the reasons listed above.



I am starting to understand. Every day I realize a little bit more.
All of those above traits are reasons why I've had problems with people and with a career. There are many more reasons, but I cannot possibly list every example.
I suppose the bottom line is that I used to think of all my problems as being personal shortcomings, or other random flaws that lacked an explanation. I never knew that most of these things fit snugly into the framework of Asperger's Syndrome, and that there was a neurological reason why I was the way I was. Knowing that now may not change the past or present. But I can at least attempt to stay mindful of this knowledge as I go into the future.

Acacia, you're very young and I've noticed you have a lot of wisdom already. Where does it come from?

And what are your hobbies/special interests and/or obsessions?

Also, at this point I'd like to invite the audience, those who wish to, to raise your own questions to our guest...

I only have two questions for Acacia: are you going to seek an official diagnosis, and what have been your special interests? <-- oops, I see Greentea has already asked that.

Aside from those questions I wanted to add that, with the exception of being extremely tall, your story is very much like mine and it puts me at ease. And I am currently seeking an official diagnosis so I have an appointment with an Asperger's expert in 2 weeks. I feel like you and I are basically at the same point, as I just discovered Asperger's back in October or November. I had HEARD of it, but had never researched it and was floored when I did to discover that it sounded a lot like me. Like you, I HAD to research more so I could know. Now I personally feel 100% sure about it, but in the end it will depend on the expert's assessment.

EDIT: I guess it was earlier than October or November that I learned about AS, since I apparently joined here in September.

Last edited by sbcmetroguy on 21 Jan 2009, 10:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well, thank you. It makes me feel good that others think I have wisdom.
I've always felt aged well beyond my years. Yet I find myself so immature in other ways. It's a bit of a paradox. Anyways...
Where does it come from?
Any wisdom that I have comes from my deep, almost inexplicable disposition towards spiritual experiences. I have always been profoundly moved after "god", whatever you visualize that concept to be.

When I was young, people told me I should be a priest, or a monk or something like that. I was always confused by this. I saw no reason why they should suggest such a thing. Yet I have found myself in that relative role many times. In high school, I was the "seeker" who sometimes inspired the people I hung out with to look beyond "reality". I became very interested in Buddhist and Hindu religious texts. They seemed to express the closest thing I felt to be "THE TRUTH". If I had to classify my beliefs, it would be: Nondualism.
Here's a link, if you want to read about it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nondualism

While engaged in my special interests, I often feel a transcendental state of mind that becomes like a meditation. While out in Nature, or immersed in my music, I sometimes seem to find spiritual communion and peace. If I have any wisdom at all, this is where it comes from.

Greentea wrote:

Those really are two separate things in my mind, so I'll go with your distinction. Special interests are what I spend my time physically doing, whereas obsessions are more like what I spend my time thinking about while I'm doing something else.

Hobbies/special interests:
-Plants. Horticulture. Botany. Landscape Design. I keep a garden, erratically planned but rich in diverse plant life. I am particularly interested in edible/produce plants, trees, herbs and medicinal plants, and plants of the Southern Hemisphere. I have specific botanical families that I really like. Especially the Myrtaceae (Myrtle), Solanaceae (Nightshade), Fabaceae (Legume), Lamiaceae (Mint), and Euphorbiaceae (Spurge). Plants speak to me, and I cannot help but be around them whenever possible. I'd go on all night about plants, but I'll force myself to stop now.

-Music. Acoustics. Sound Technology. I play guitar, bass, piano/keyboards, low brass, and assorted percussion. With the exception of a year of piano lessons, I taught myself how to play these instruments. My favorite thing to do is to record and mix multiple layers of instrumental tracks together to produce my own music. Kind of a "one man band" approach. Playing music is tremendously calming and cathartic to me.

Obsessions:
-the Weather. I am always checking the weather. Even when no significant changes are anticipated for days, I am always checking it. Stale mathematical and scientific details and meteorological measurements fascinate me. I have a real-time, perpetually-updated weather radar in one tab of Firefox anytime I am on my computer. I enjoy obsessing over the weather.

-History and Geography. Or more broadly: Social Studies. My head is crammed full of random worldly facts and dates, places, maps, people, events, and so on. I can easily bury myself in textbooks of this stuff. I should have been a boring History Professor or something


There are lesser interests and obsessions, but those are the main/constant ones. They seem to occupy most of my time.

Greentea, thank you for these insightful questions. I have enjoyed the interview thoroughly, and I look forward to posts from whomever else on WP may have anything to ask me.

Yes, I am going to seek an official diagnosis. For myself, of course, but also for my skeptical family. I need the doctor's stamp for them to accept it. I hope to do this soon. No immediate plans.

And I am very glad that me telling my story has put you at ease. I think that is what WP is all about. If we can understand others who are like us, it can make us feel good and hopeful and maybe even happy. I know I've experienced similar things with other members here... people whose lives I strongly identify with, and this helps me figure out and resolve my own.

hello Acacia, thank you for ref to m y"self thread." i am chuffed as i always read your posts and find them insightful.

I woud like to ask you if you are familiar wtih the australian acacias, and do you know much about australian flora? (it is mindblowing actually.)

Hello. You're welcome. and Thank you.

In response to your question, I do know a little something about Australian Acacias. Or I suppose you call them wattles? However, I'm a bit more familiar with the American and African species.
I've always loved plants that thrive in dry climates. And all plants are mind-blowing to me, I guess.


In my own garden I grow Acacia farnesiana, which is native to Florida and Central America, and is found in much of the tropical and subtropical parts of the world, including Australia.

I also have a Eucalyptus melliodora tree, which is very Australian.

But you know, I guess I don't have that much Australian flora, hence I don't know a ton about it. (If I want to know about a plant, I grow it. It's an obsessive collecting habit of mine). But, as I said, I love plants of the Southern Hemisphere in general. I do grow a number of South African plants including Plumbago auriculata, Leonotis leonurus, Strelitzia reginae, and some Pelargonium species. Then of course, I grow a host of South American plants, too. Brunfelsia, Solanum, Brugmansia, Tibouchina, Cestrum, Eugenia, Psidium....

I don't know why I like plants of the Southern Hemisphere so much. I've never been down there. I just love the landscapes and climates and apparent other-side-of-the-looking-glass-ness.

wow, this is starting to turn into a disjointed rant about my interest, isn't it?
Ha, that's what happens. I get started and I will never stop unless I suddenly get self-conscious like I did just now.

I suppose I'll end it here
Good questions though.

(erm...pssst, will someone from the audience aid this Aspie show hostess and tell me if the above means the interview is over?)

from my objective vantage point, it can mean the interview is still open .......

i think the grammatical tense structure acacia uses is not a complete past tense so continue on with questions grenntea....

Last edited by millie on 25 Jan 2009, 10:41 pm, edited 2 times in total.