This does not make sense - What just happened?

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So for starts I am never really in any sort of situation to be making friends. I don't have a job right now or a way to get to one
Anyways, there is a person that lives across the street thats into alot of the things I am and I wanted to be her friend (and no I am not looking to be anything more than friends)

I did not think it was appropriate to just walk over there and say something like "hi I want to be friends" cause thats a little weird since I don't know her.
so one time a bit ago I asked them if I could borrow their shovel (lame excuse just to go over there), and she much to my suprise asked if she could come over and help me shovel, but I didn't know what to say so I said "no, I think I got it " (except I didn't uh say smiley face out loud ofcourse) And that sorta ruined that opportunity.

This is going to sound a little bad, but eventually I got so fed up with being by my self I shined a flash light into her room at night and I waved. (friendly gesture). And she kept looking at me, so I tried to do some sign languagey things like I held up one xbox 360 controller, and pointed at my self, then I picked up a second and pointed at her (as in like "hey we could play 360 together") and then she just shut her blinds.

I got kinda scared thinking I was in trouble then. So.. I just decided to walk over there with nothing to say, and her and her mom answered the door. Her mom sounded slightly mad and said "aren't you that guy that lives across the street that was shining lights into my daughter's room?" And I said "oh uh yeah, well... I... Just wanted a friend.

They didn't know that and turns out they just thought I was trying to annoy her. So then unexpectedly her mom said to come in, and then I met them and all that. They were pretty friendly. We just sat down and watched TV, and then eventually me an her went upstairs sorta briefly and played PS3, and coincidentally she was already playing the game that I was just playing at my house on my 360.

Then I went back downstairs, talked to her dad, and he was like "So tomorrow 10:30 I'll show you around my cabinet factory" (hes one step down from the CEO). I had no idea why he wanted to show me it. Then later he said it was late and I should go and he said "well I appreciate you talking to me and my wife" and he made no mention of the person who I wanted to be friends with. So I was confused about that.

So the next day I went back over and we drove down to there and he showed me around, afterwards he asked me "so what did you think?" and I just had no idea what to say. So I kinda mumbled a few things. And I think he got the impression that I did not like the tour and all that from how I responded, but I did like it. I just can't always externally express how I feel about things (guess I shoulda said that, but I am trying to be as NT as can be). So afterwards we went back to his house, and sat down watched TV, then I said "I should go home I am tired".

Now its the next day, and I have no idea what just happened. Why did he go through all of the trouble of taking me on that tour? What if he thinks I didn't like it? I don't know if that person wants me to be friends with her, she her self did not say bye or ask for my number or something like that. And now I don't know if I should go back over and say something like "Oh hey, so I was wondering if maybe your daughter wanted to play some PS3 or something".
Is that appropriate for me to go back over again and ask a question like that?

I think her Dad was just trying to be friendly

Please keep in mind that I also have AS, but so far as I can see, it would be appropriate to go and ask this person if she wishes to play PS3 at her house, or to offer for her to come to your house to play X-Box, or (if possible in your situation) offer to bring your X-Box over to her place (if you have different games for the X-Box that she does not have on PS3).

If you are really very worried about the father's tour, and do not think it would be "over the top" you could always get a "thank you" card, fill it out (thanks for the tour or whatever) and use delivering it as another excuse to "drop-in". If anyone comments on the card you could explain that you'd never been on a tour like that and found it very interesting, but were worried you got so caught up (in thinking about what you'd just seen) that you might have come across as ungrateful and wanted to be clear that you did really enjoy the tour.

2 things I thought of.

1. He was trying to be friendly as other said
2. He is genuinely interested in the collection and shares it
3. He genuinely likes you and considers you a 'cool guy'
4. (all of the top 3; which I think it was)

I think you were being offered a job, possibly. Had you been more enthusiastic about his factory or even interested it may have resulted in a job. I think they've been very nice to you and some of your behaviour has been inappropriate. They wanted to check you out to make sure you are not dangerous and are trying to include you in their lives. Eventually that could lead to a friendship with the daughter, but I think they prefer to be included in the situation, just so they know everything is alright. It's natural for parents to want to know someone who is taking an interest in their daughter. I think they prefer that if you want to know their daughter you do it in a more appropriate way like asking their permission or a phone call. I guess that's probably obvious to you now.

I think some form of apology, like someone suggested a card might be a good idea, just say you can be a bit blank socially or get confused about people's motivations but you appreciated the fact that he took some time out to show you his factory. If you actually do want a job there, this is something you might like to mention too.

Last edited by Postperson on 15 Feb 2009, 7:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah, sounds like a few misunderstandings, but it really does seem like they're trying to be friendly and you're trying to be friendly and in general it's coming along OK. A thank you note for the tour would be cool. Just stick it on their door or something.

One thing--don't be too pushy. Often times people don't like to be asked to hang out constantly. Rule of thumb, let them make at least a third of "let's hang out" requests; that way you know you aren't being too invasive.

You might say something like, "If I ever do anything that annoys you, just tell me. Sometimes I'm kind of oblivious about things like that." If you can get NTs communicating in concrete terms, you've got it made.

I don't know why that last poster deleted their opinion, it's as good as anyone else's.

Am I the only one that thinks that the father showing him around the factory was a bit odd? He said that he just wanted a friend, to the wife's face, not, I'm really into factories and want your husband to show me around his.

No, I caught on to that, too.

Perhaps her dad is an Aspie and his cabinet shop is his special interest, so he just wanted to show it off!

Other than that, no clue there... I don't think I would have gone if it happened that suddenly, it would have freaked me out a bit.

Yeah, I thought the guided tour of the factory did seem a bit weird, but maybe it is an obsession!

Generally when people of that position are doing that, they either want to show off what they have accomplished to someone of equal status, or are offering a job to someone of lesser status. I think he was being offered a job.

I agree with the others on here that have suggested that you were being offered a job, but besides that I think that you are dealing with a family that is on the spectrum also and from my experience as a mother of spectrum kids (all but one are adults now), what happened is not so weird because you showed them your underbelly (so to speak) by being honest about your desire for a friend and that is a relief to parents that are protective of their children who might (like you) not have the best skills for navigating the NT world, my guess is that since you have been accepted in by the parents, the daughter does have an interest in being your friend, so the parents are opening a space for you, don't mess it up by trying to be something you are not (NT) and just be real.

Dude!

They like you, and were just checking you out to see if you were OK (the flashlight stunt probably creeped them out a little.)

NT-men are a lot like Aspies - they love machines and are proud of their work. Her dad was trying to be friendly in the best way he knows how.
By showing you what interests him. His version of holding up a Wii and pointing to himself.

I think it's OK to ask the daughter to play Xii/PS3 with you (it wouldn't hurt to apologize for the flashlight accident.)

Don't forget to thank her dad for the factory tour, and find one particular thing you found interesting and say so - better yet, ask him more about it.

The tour kind of weirds me out. Kudos to you for going! I think I would have bailed at that point. I guess he was trying to be nice? Seems a bit obsessive, or like he was planning on your being his daughters future husband already. "What do you think of the plant son? This will alll be yours someday...."

I'd go over there and ask if she wants to play the 360 with you. Or better yet, buy a new game and then go over to show her how awesome it is. That always paves the way for gamers to talk to each other. Find a new review and share it with her.

And I guess say thank you for the "tour".

Completely agree. If you fill out a thank you card, you wouldn't have to worry as much about how they perceived your reaction. If you don't do something like that, you may always wonder. At least I would because that's my personality.

It truly sounds like they really like you. How long have you all been neighbors. Do they know you are AS?
That guy must think you are into that kind of stuff - cabinet making or he is dying for some guy to guy interaction. I don't know. That is a bit different but I wouldn't read too much into it. I think it is a good sign regardless.

The most recent poster, dragonfly is funny! It does kind of sound like that.

Is the girl extremely into games? If so, then developing a friendship with her will be fairly easy because you both will have a major interest in common. I like the idea of getting a new game and inviting her over. Love it!

Sounds to me like the father was trying to offer you a job in the cabinet shop, but without embarassing you by making the offer too obvious...

You should ask him if there's any job openings, see what he says...

I think these people have taken a liking to you...