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bonez
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17 Feb 2009, 8:53 pm

I can usually talk to an NT because the NT kinda like "leads" the conversation, and they also usually start the conversation, But how do I have a conversation with another aspie? I dont really know how to start the conversation and I don't know what to talk about. And I dont know what to talk about, I dont know what shes thinking or whats going on in her brain; she doesnt show any emotion, ever.

Any advice?



Maditude
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17 Feb 2009, 8:58 pm

Treat him or her like an NT. Try to follow the response.


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CleverKitten
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17 Feb 2009, 9:01 pm

Ask her what her special interest is. That'll get her going! :lol:


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bonez
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17 Feb 2009, 9:20 pm

CleverKitten wrote:
Ask her what her special interest is. That'll get her going! :lol:
lol yeah, but i dont think she knows she's an aspie, and i dont want to bring it up before i even get to know her....



garyww
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17 Feb 2009, 9:25 pm

Since you can't figure her out how can you make a determinations that she's an aspie since you can't figure out what's going on in her brain but you can figure out how to talk to an NT. This question doesn't even make any sense.


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bonez
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17 Feb 2009, 9:33 pm

well she has some aspie traits so she's either an aspie or an NT who has alot in common with me. either way, i just want to know how to start/have a conversation with a person like that. Sorry for the confusion



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17 Feb 2009, 9:38 pm

Just try to talk to her like you would any other person until you get to know her better. At the same time, be yourself.

Maybe start the conversation with a general comment/compliment; eg. I like how you did your hair today/gosh it's freezing, isn't it? And go from there. Try to insert your own ideas and experiences into the conversation so she gets an idea of your opinions and personality (eg. I hate cold weather, even though I used to live in the snow, etc etc), but also try to ask her questions about herself to get her to open up more.

I think this is the most anyone can do really.


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glider18
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17 Feb 2009, 9:53 pm

I agree with garyww in determing whether or not she is an Aspie, but you responded that she has some Aspie traits.

I can relate to your awkwarness here because unless I am talking about my interests it is hard for me to lead a conversation. So you could get some long blank areas in your communication. Like CleverKitten said, find out her interests---that makes for good conversation. And, if you two have a common shared interest---then wonderful.

Last night I was getting a tattoo enlarged and reworked on my arm when this guy walks in that knew the tattoo artist. He sets down and begins talking. I am not sure if he had Asperger's or not, but he began on narrow interests and talked about them endlessly rattling off statistics and rare information. The topics were: The Marx Brothers, The Three Stooges, Adolph Hitler and his mystical beliefs, Ghost hunting, and a thing called Castleing? (where people who think they may someday lose their homes due to bad economy begin collecting large rocks and begin building a castle to live in). With the noise level of the tattoo machine and the stereo it was hard for me to always tune in accurately to the conversation. But he talked to me a lot and I have to admit---he nearly wore me out with his endless array of knowledge on these topics that he wanted to share. And he liked to hold eye contact which is horrible for me. I am dodging my eyes. My mind was on the seven needles in the machine poking my arm 60 times a second (for a total of 420 pokes a second---for three hours or so). Eventually I began the infamous Aspie stare---holding eye contact for long periods of time as I related to some of the things I knew about his topics---then he began eye dodging. But---the fact is, during this long period of time, I was able to talk to a person I didn't know. He enjoyed it I think because I was able to relate to his interests. I too like the Three Stooges, and some of his other topics. But at the same time, it was tiring. But having an awkward conversation without any narrow interests to talk about would have been much more tiring if the other person wanted to communicate. So I believe that finding interests to talk about is a good way to communicate.


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