More on social intuition

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This relates to the Picking Up Social Situations Intuitively.... thread.

For me, if a social situation is familiar, I can act pretty intuitively in it. I don't have to logically thing about how to respond, how to act. I just do it. Unfamiliar situations are another matter. The more unfamiliar the situation, the more I have to think about how to act. Which is why I tend to be quiet, socially conservative, in such situations.

I think what I'm doing is like learning to ride a bike. Or tie one's shoes. It's not an instinct. But, it's something that, once you learn it, it's natural.

I don't know if NTs have more social instincts, or are better able to generalize what they've learned to new situations. I do think there is variation between different people in how much we are able to generalize what we've learned... to what extent we can apply what we've learned in one situation to another. I think most spectrum folks can learn how to act in a familiar situation enough that it's intuitive rather than logical planning, even if such learning takes a while. Maybe there are differences both in how easily we can learn a given situation, and how much we can adapt what we've learned in different situations.


And, understanding this helps me understand someone I know, who I've observed also has some autistic traits, but can often come across as really socially comfortable. That's because I see him in a familiar situation. Somewhere were he knows how to act. But, stuff between us that doesn't follow that normal social pattern, that's where things have gotten weird and awkward.

Those are very good points MR. I agree in that familiar situations are much more natural. I am a high school gifted intervention specialist---so I teach the gifted kids. The teaching environment (which can be scary for even NTs) comes naturally to me because I have taught for 21 years (19 of those years I taught English). Not all of my teaching life has been easy though. My beginning years were especially horrifying---I am sure my Asperger's made me misinterpret some of my students---and I plagued them with many heavy doses of my narrow interests. But now, with the gifted kids, all is great.

Unfamiliar situations can be challenging for us on the spectrum. I had such a case tonight---at my son's Blue and Gold Cub Scout Banquet. My wife and I sat with several others. Two of those people we know through scouts (a 50ish couple that I am reasonably comfortable with). When I am in these unfamiliar social situations, one of two things will usually happen. One---I will be very quiet and keep to myself, or Two---I will become the clown. Tonight, I was the clown. And unfortunately, through me getting this other man in a joking mood, he ticked his wife off. My wife told me on the way home that she (the wife) got really mad at him. Well, I am the one that got it started. My challenge is finding a middle ground (which I guess might be the NT realm which I do not understand). NTs joke a lot too, but for the duration of the banquet (about two hours) I remained in a joking/goofy mood.

For me, I try to fit in. But I don't know how to do it an appropriate manner. But I agree that in familiar situations it can come instinctly to us. Nice post MR.