Person: Hi Me (at the same time): Hi, how are you?

Post Reply New Topic

So, I ran into a co-worker and this is how the conversation went.

Person: Hi Me (at the same time): Hi, how are you? Me (again): I'm fine, how are you?

(Notice, the person never even asked me how I was.)

I'm getting better but quite a few of my conversations are like this and I'm 27. People must have figured out that I'm weird by now and I haven't been diagnosed with Asperger's (and probably won't be able to for awhile) so I don't even have an excuse.

What can I do to have better conversations?

I know some of them wonder sometimes how I have a master's degree; it sucks having such a difficult time with small talk.

Just practice is all you can do mate.

I hate small talk, too. Also, when people ask how you are in greeting, most of the time, they don't really want to know how you are; it's just another way of saying hello.

i don't see the point in small talk you know the person that says how are you doesn't really care.

Well, I can't help you with figuring out how to not say weird stuff or not respond to some internal scripted scenario that isn't actually taking place in real life, unfortunately. I have no idea how not to myself. I answer questions that were never asked, and ask questions that don't logically fit where I put them, and generally realize this only after what I've done is totally irreversible.

I have noticed, though, that your own reaction to your weird conversational faux pas really influences how other people react. If you don't act at all fazed by it and just keep on going, they often don't seem to notice as much. Or if you can express genuine amusement at your own weirdness (not just awkward "oh crap what did I just say... uuuhhh haha guys, aren't I dumb" kind of amusement) people also seem to go right along with your reaction to it. I suppose it's just some kind of confidence thing - most people seem wired to defer to the opinion of someone who seems more certain of themselves and never second guesses themselves, even when it's pretty obvious they ought to. Of course, I'm not suggesting that you try to become some kind of cocky "alpha" person (I doubt that's even physically possible for someone with AS traits). Just working on accepting that you do these things and that there's no good reason you should find them embarrassing seems to help quite a bit.

Of course, I could be completely delusional and imagining this effect...

I can't say I haven't done the same exact thing hundreds of times at work. Someone says "Hi" to me and I'll reply back "I'm good" or "I'm okay," or simply "fine." Thinking they just asked me how I was.

I also have trouble with replying to "good morning." I keep reminding myself I'm supposed to just say "good morning" back to them, and look up and smile....seems simple, right?

But if I'm not focusing I might say something like" "it's not a good morning, it's 28 degrees outside, and sleeting. There was a huge clusterf*ck on Route 287 and now I'm late." Or I might say "okay" or "fine," thinking they just asked me how I was.

I was told today at work by a coworker I need to smile more, and not look at the floor so much when I walk. He said I always looked so "focused." I just told him that I was just a very a "focused" person, and he asked whay I was focusing on at the moment. Holding a bunch of regulatory lables and green dot stickers, I simply said...."stickers." He laughed, and though I was being funny....I wasn't.

I guess sometimes people think I'm rude. Some people think I'm a total moron, and some people think I'm funny. Really I just don't have a clue....