All I want for Christmas is to not be autistic.

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I'd do anything to not be autistic.

I'm a loser. I'm not smart. I talk funny. I have a weird voice. I don't go to college

All I want is a girlfriend but iv'e NEVER had any meaningful interaction with women. Never had a friend that was a girl, never had a girlfriend. I HATE IT. Iv'e been getting rejected and ghosted on Tinder quite a lot and its been making me very depressed.

You know what I hate? That most guys my age can get girlfriend so easy. THEY DONT KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE! I hate being autistic, you know why? Because all around me, I see other autistic males who are losers. They've never had a girlfriend, they're ugly and fat, they're socially awkward, people treat them like s**t! And I don't want to be like them at all, nerdy virgin losers. I want to be cool, I want to have a girlfriend, I want to be good with women. And because i'm autistic, I will never be this way! Ever! I'm forced to be a loner and loser all because i'm autistic. This is why i'd do anything to not be autistic.


I HATE WOMEN MY AGE, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM! ALL THE GIRLS WHO CALLED ME A CREEP AND STALKER IN 8TH AND 9TH GRADE, I HATE THEM ALL. I WILL NEVER FORGET WHAT THEY DID TO ME.


All I want is love but there's no such thing as a happy ending if you're me. People tell me that you should stop caring about women but I can't do that. Iv'e been obsessed with girls since kindergarden and all this time, never formed companionship with one.

Being rejected and ghosted by a woman is one of the worst feelings in the world. Only losers like me would understand.

I am saddened by your post. I can feel so much hurt in it. I am sorry.

Autistic people can find a mate. They can - I promise you. It definitely happens.

I always longed to be one of the "popular girls" and to be loved - and wanted - but nearly everyone thought I was weird. No one at that time would have considered I might be autistic and I would not have considered it; I doubt even 10% of my teachers had even heard of it. My first boyfriend, looking back on it, was probably OTS but didn't know it (I mean he even had the "robot voice," it's weird, knowing what I know now he fit so many ASD characteristics almost as a caricature of a HFA person). My husband is very likely OTS (this per professionals who have worked with our middle son, who is classic/Kanner autistic). My father was almost definitely an Aspie. No, I'm not seeing autistic people in every corner, LOL, it's just that having these characteristics myself, and there being a genetic component (or likely being one), it actually only makes sense that there are others in my family, and that I have instinctively sought out OTS people, and OTS people have instinctively sought me out.

It will happen for you...IF you can manage not to hate girls...that made me sad to read. Nearly any girl will shy away from someone with hate simmering under the surface, and even if you're trying to hide it, it tends to come out.

I won't give you specific dating advice as it might sound trite coming from me, a much older, married person, and because you may want to hear such things from guys so you know what "worked" for them (just guessing) but I will say, hang in there. I know it hurts to have terrible things said about you because you're different. But remember, despite how it may appear, NTs definitely do not have all the social graces all wrapped up and ESPECIALLY not very young NTs. Immaturity makes such things worse. You'll all grow up. The girls too. Please hang in there. I will be thinking of you.

I hope that you are not trying to blame all women for what some of them may have done to you 6 or 7 years ago.

Fnord your footer is brilliant:

Perhaps you're not looking in the right kinds of places? I would never dream of being able to snag a mentally stable, classic NT male (nor would I want to, if I'm honest), but I've been dating an aspie from my social skills group for a few months now, and it's going okay. Are there any groups in your area, either for autistics, or for people who share your interests? It's very hard to just go out to a bar or somewhere and pick up a date; many times you need a context in which to meet someone.

I had the same problem 10 years ago. Then i learned how to break the ice and starting to act like my favorite character from star trek, Q, makes girls laugh. Act a little silly. Constanly practise social skills when you are alone. It helps. I have had about 6 shortlasting relationships due to my autism, said horrible things , unaware about it, etc. So yeah, it is still a curse to me too. But iam learning and improving. I hope i get to have a relationship soon that lasts longer than 6months

No dating my age is HARD if you're a guy my age.

If you're a 20 year old guy, you're literally competing with men aged 20 to 30 for women in their early 20s. The odds are highly stacked against you especially if you're an autistic male.

The reason why i'm single is because i'm not good socially with women. I don't know how to connect with them, I don't know how to be fun with them. And i'm not attractive enough to not worry about having a dull personality. I'm a 5 ft 3 autistic male who's incapable of flirting, and joking around with women. The odds are very stacked against me relationship-wise. I couldn't even get casual sex.

The reason why I dislike women is because they have it so much easier my age, it's not even f*****g funny. How much do you bet that every pretty girl on Tinder has at least 5-10 guys messaging her and trying to flirt with her? She could choose to sleep with any of them! And guess what, she's always going to choose the man who's confident, and knows what the f**k he's doing social skills wise. The women my age are so f*****g picky.


Trust me, being a college-aged autistic male is one of the WORST times to be dating because you're competing in an environment which is all about looks and hooking up. And most women this age are attracted to men opposite of what autistic males are.



Tinder has just made me super depressed. I swear to god! That app f*****g sucks yet I still use it because it's the only way I can talk to women. Get ghosted by every single girl on there.

I don't like how you care so much about getting a girlfriend. It doesn't actually seem like you want a proper girlfriend, instead you want to sleep with a girl and that's definitely not the same thing.

You already don't see that girls can be equal to you but honestly they can be. Not everyone is focused just on hooking up.

Why do you want a girlfriend? Do you want a companion or friend because that should be the start of a relationship?

I can understand the way you feel but hating women is not a solution. Tinder is a perhaps not the best place to pursue a relationship. Some people are attracted to kindness, gentleness and shyness. Just because you don't like yourself right now, don't assume that nobody does or could like you. The way you feel about yourself now, you're probably likely to react negatively to someone who does like you.

You could try being more understanding of others too. Young women do not have it easy. Everyone has problems. Some people have very poor self-esteem. Some people are exploited and abused.

Obsessing about past embarrassments and current grievances will only make you feel more anger and resentment. Try to forgive yourself and others. We all do things we are not proud of but most of us are trying our best.

Do you have anyone you can talk to about these feelings? Local counselling service?

Darkphantom, A lot of this forum promotes "neurodiversity" but maybe it isn't for you. I will send you some information on pro-cure perspectives from another autistic.

Why do you want a girlfriend? That is something you need to think about. Having a girlfriend and hating women are sort of mutually exclusive. Are you certain you really want a girlfriend? What would happen if you actually managed to get a girlfriend? Are you able to make her feel loved and appreciated?

Seriously, I think most people who want to meet others should walk dogs in the park rather than using Tinder. This social media stuff is so soul-destroying.

I will send you a vaccination needle containing a cure as a Christmas present.

But seriously, yes I know how you feel. Autism sucks. I hate it too. I could cry about it.

But you're only 20. There's still time. I've known NT boys of your age to not have a girlfriend yet.

And I know how you feel about hating girls your age. I'm a girl myself, and not saying all, but most girls of my age I hate. I've often experienced girls sniggering at me for no reason. When there's a couple of them together they tend to stare at me and then lean towards each other and whisper something then look back at me again. It always upsets me, especially knowing that I don't do anything weird or dress odd or smell bad or anything like that. So I don't know what their problem is.

Word of advice; wait a bit longer to get a girlfriend. Most girls our age have weird expectations for both boys and girls, and you have to be precise for them to like you. Nicer girls are harder to find, although they are out there. But if you don't find a nicer girl, then wait a few more years and go for an older girl. One that will love you for who you are.

All I want for Christmas is a new whipper snipper.

I agree with the other comments that 1) at age 20, a lot of girls are very immature and have unrealistic expectations; and 2) social media is a really lousy place to hang out for good, worthwhile relationships.

Here's my thought that nobody else mentioned yet: Rather than trying to totally stop being interested in girls (impossible, esp at your age), I would advise you to stop looking so hard for a girlfriend and try looking for a friend. Ppl with autism don't make friends the same way NTs do. I personally have a terrible time making friends in social settings but i do much better making friends in jobs or hobbies. I have a rather awkward way about me, no matter how many social skills i learn. (and i am pretty high functioning and have been told i compensate well for my deficiencies ) But i am still awkward in a bar, party, family get-together, or other social setting that is social for the sake of hanging out and being social. Then i get panic attacks and get waaaayyyyy more awkward.

I would advise you to pour energy into a job or hobby and do your best to make friends with ppl there. We aspies/ASD individuals earn respect for our abilities rather than our smooth social skills. Even if you don't feel you are super smart, there has to be something you enjoy, surely? Even if you are mediocre in skills, if you truly enjoy it you will have the joy of doing something you love. My advice is take your main focus off getting a girlfriend and put it on enjoying what you do have in life. That is when like-minded ppl gravitate towards each other...and this is a much better setting for a relationship than social media. Just my 2 cents.