When do you tell?

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How well do you have to know someone before you tell them about Asperger's? Or do you tell them at all? Is it a little like whining when you tell someone who you only have a casual aquaintance with? And what if they figure it out for themselves but don't say anything? Do you let them just think you're "strange" or tell them the reason for your strangeness? Or does it even matter?

that is completely up to you. I have told aquaintances at work, a few friends, and not many others.

There's a big element of "need to know" going on here.

I'm perfectly happy to be known to some people as just "a bit weird". I make a case-by-case decision whether I feel that AS is at all relevant.

I certainly don't use it as an excuse, but I do use it as an explanation.

Broadly speaking, over the three years I've now known about my AS...

With everyone I know well, I've tried to "let them in on the secret" - only to find out that in some cases, they already knew.

With quite a few other acquaintances, if it comes up, I'll be quite open about it. I don't see it as much different from being asked what colour my eyes are. On the other hand, I wouldn't raise the topic myself.

With people I don't know at all, it's back to the "is it relevant?" question, each time, afresh.

It depends on how noticable it is, if you show it alot then tell friends if you don't there's no need. In my opinion
I've told a couple of close friends, but only the ones that know what it is or have it themselves. The teachers at school know because I am on the speical needs register (or SEN as they call it)

Its like homosexuality, do you want to come out to this person as gay/bi/whatever, or would you prefer them not to know. Are you comfortable telling them about it? Will you be comfortable telling them about it tomorrow? The next day? Next week? Next month? Ever?

Also, my whole class in grades 7 and 8 knew about it, they were just too ignorant to know what it meant. My teacher, as caring as she was, in grade 8 did not know anything about AS, and tried to explain to the class what it meant. She said something like I am incredibly gifted, but like all gifted kids, I am a little different. She knew nothing of it.

I also had one friend that thought that autism was often accompanied by psychosis, and so when I joined an online group of his in one game, he let me get away with crap others got perma banned for. His excuse was: He's autistic, I can't do that do a disabled guy.

This is similar to how I 'handle' it (for lack of a better word), except I'm very loose in letting people know about my autism. Even if I weren't autistic, I think I'd still be "a bit weird", so I really don't mind to tell a stranger that I have it if I wish to clarify some unusual things about my behaviour. I easily tell colleagues or superiors at work, classmates and teachers in school - though that's natural because I've mostly visited special schools- all friends and relatives.

Of course, you're from a different generation, so when you were young, there was a lot less known about autism.



Yeah. Hooray for special treatment. I've ran into situations like that occasionally.

I live in a small community where AS is unheard of even by therapists, so if I mentioned it people would not understand a thing but they'd sure run for cover.

I do, however, when I blunder and I consider it worthwhile, explain a specific AS trait (without mentioning that I have AS) - something like "Sorry I'm late, I got lost, I know I've driven here several times but I was born with very poor visio-spatial skills." or ""Sorry I didn't recognize you, I know we've met several times but I was born with difficulty recognizing faces I know.", etc.

If I ever had an unusually close friend or partner I fully trusted, I'd start from scratch and invest the time and energy in explaining to them what AS is, how it affects me, etc. But I don't think that'll ever happen.

I generally tell people in a very informal, matter of fact way. It's no different than letting someone know that you're short sighted, or left handed, or any of the million other things that are variables in what makes up a human being.

If I want to tell someone about AS, I first get on the topic, and see how that goes. If it feels fine, I will move to me having it by drawing comparisons, and if I feel fine with their reactions there, I will make sure they know I have it when they leave. Normally it is those of higher intelligence that are more accepting.

I have yet to figure this one out yet. I've never been great at knowing what and when to tell people things. Often I've been told that I tell people too soon in relationships, or tell them things they didn't need to know. I always assumed if they wanted to be friends, they should know everything about me. Alas, thats rarely the case I've been told. LOL At least I've learned that 5 minutes into a friendship they really don't care to know I was molested by my father when I was little.

Yay for learning proper social behavior at age 30. *sigh*

i dont tell when there is no reason to

I think I'll just stay here in the closet for a while. I asked this question because I told my very first person a short while ago, and I didn't feel good afterwards. A few hours later I thought "What have I done?". Yes, very definately no more coming out. As some of you said perhaps if there's a need to know. But I can't think of anyone like that just now. Thanks all.

I only tell people if I become really good friends with them. My parents have informed a lot of people though and I think there are a few people who know even though nobody ever told them.

I haven't told anyone at work but I know some of them may suspect anyway. I told my parents when I found out and they acted like they were not even interested. It made me feel pretty unimportant.

I've actually never told anybody. I'm thinking it's about time to tell my best friend though. I have been thinking about telling him for a while, but I've never done it.