Family

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I don't have a sense of family when it comes to my blood relatives or my boyfriend and baby daddy's blood relatives... especially not his. The people on WP are my family.


When my son was born, I wanted to have a party in the delivery room with our friends from the Houston Aspie meetups, but my boyfriend wouldn't allow it, saying that this kind of thing was for close friends and family only, or something along those lines. We have different ideas of who and what our family is.


I don't want his NT mother or anyone else involved in my son's upbringing. I don't want to live with any NTs. I want to live with my Aspie boyfriend and our probably-Aspie son and that will be our little family, just the three of us, no NT extras telling us what to do. But my boyfriend says his mother WILL be very involved in our son's upbringing. But yet he wanted to have a place of our own too, so I don't really know what he thinks.


He always gets his way and makes all the decisions. He got to give our son his first name. He got to decide that our WP friends wouldn't be invited to the hospital. He got to choose to let his NT mother into our private life. Maybe it's that he feels obligated to, because he's too lazy or disturbed or sick or something to work and thus lives in her house for free (actually the house isn't even hers; it's also her sisters') and she sends him money from time to time. I don't want to depend on her. I want us to get our own place and I'll pay for it, but I probably won't be able to for like 2 years, until I'm finished school and have a good job.


In the meantime, his pushy NT mother is going to sell this house and get another one, where we'll actually be living in the same house, and she says it will be nice but I reslly don't think so. She's bossy and I don't want to live with her and expose my son to her pushiness, especially when he gets old enough to be bossed around and scolded like she scolds me for nothing.

I'm seriously thinking of splitting up and leaving with my son to live with my parents until I can get my own place, because my parents aren't pushy like she is (ever since I put them in their place when they were pushy) and since she isn't MY mother I'm afraid to tell her how pushy she is.

If i lived in Canada I could get disability and have my own place, but he doesn't want to live in Canada.


He's applied for disability, but I somehow doubt we'll get our own place if it was left up to him.


It will be almost impossible for him to get working rights up in Canada; he's a US citizen, and the same for me down there.

I can see how that is frustrating for you, but try not to let his mother spoil your relationship with him. I can definitely see where you're coming from about not wanting his mother's pushiness influencing your son, but from your boyfriend's point of view, he may think it unreasonable for you to try and effectively cut his mother out of her grandson's life. It's a difficult situation, I just hope you can work it out together. Best of luck.

He just wants a free house to live in and some money. And he finds it kind of nice that she be in her grandson's life. He likes it when she babysits so he can get some sleep. She's very good with him now for the most part, but I don't like some of the comments she makes like "No, I don't WANT your belly button to be an outie! I want it to be sn innie!" like she's displeased. Also, she's good with him now, but when he's two will she be too strict with him? She sdmits to having been strict with my boyfriend when he was a kid. I don't want to be strict with our son.

Yes, I agree with you. However, even if your boyfriend gets his way, she will still only be a grandparent, remember. You and your boyfriend are the parents, and you will be the ones making the decisions about your son's upbringing. You can make sure she doesn't have the opportunity to be too strict with him, most of the time.

I feel very, very guilty posting this because she's done a lot for me and I owe her respect and I disrespected her by painting her bathrooms and unpacking her packed stuff and scattering it around the house. But my boyfriend says she won't be any happier if I apologize to her and he claims I already did. But still, I can't let her push me around just because I did that to her.

Also, my boyfriend told me never to post nasty stuff about him on the internet because that's disrespectful, and therefore I feel bad for posting this. But he ignored it when I told him in private that I don't feel a sense of family when it comes to his or even my relatives. I want to go visit my relatives in Gaspe this summer, but only so that I can show off to them how much better a family we are than them, and for the adventure.

Do any of you have a sense of family that is similar to mine?

I don't think you are being disrespectful by asking for advice from people on WP. That's like him telling you you're not allowed to talk to your friends about problems you have with him.

Though maybe if you posted this stuff in Members Only, he may feel better about it, perhaps?

Yeah, maybe I should have posted it in there.


He always told me to take it up with him, to speak directly to hoim. But when I do he often ignores me, because he "can't take so much negativity".

I think you should tell him that if he won't listen to you, he can't blame you for talking to people who will.

I'll just show him this thread, or let him find it.


I still feel so disrespectful right now, though.

Another thing is that he thinks it's fair that he get to keep our aon if we split. He also thinks it's legal for him to keep him without my permission but that it's illegal for me to have him without his permission.

And it wasn't just me being manic that made me paint the bathrooms and that (I painted them the WrongPlanet colors and wrote "WrongPlanet.net" on one cabinet); it was me wanting to make the house look nice for the Aspies who were supposed to come and live with us (but then I got pregnant and Jack didn't want to do it anymore). That's just another example of how I care more about WP people than blood relatives.

Oh crap, I accidentally posted his name... and it's too late to edit it... now he'll be mad at me.


Anyway, he ignores me when I talk about living somewhere else with him. I just sent him a message asking him if he igniored me on purpose or if he just forgot to reply to my messages about where we should live. I'll hopefully get a reply today.


He hasn't replied to my messages in almost 24 hours. Is he avoiding me bacause he knows I'm off my meds? He used to reply all the time.


Except when I needed to ecplain stuff he did to me, why he did it, etc. Then he would say he doesn't want to fight, and ignore my messages until I kept pushing, and then finally he would reply to my posts about my problems/issues with him. He says he ignored me because he didn't want to fight and wanted to be loving, but it isn't loving to ignore me. Why didn't he send me loving messages explaining his actions? THAT's loving. And he did do that, sometimes.

Yay; he wasn't ignoring me; he just forgot!


And he was silent for a day because he was visiting friends, something he does about once a year.

I have a very string sense of family, and that is where my sense of kinship ends... Outside of my family, I don't care too much about others.

My mom left my father some 22 years ago, and I just met my dad a couple years ago. Upon meeting him he tried to give me advise, got pissed - and I had my mother curse him out for being a jerk and then he toned down. And later on he looked at me and said "Son, I really wonder what you would have turned up like if I had been in your life"...

And I told him .. "Dad, I probably would have been a drunk, druggy, got in a lot of fights and ended up exactly like you."

After which he shut up and said "oh yeah, that's right".

I used to want to live with her. I was excited. She was so nice and loving and generous and polite and accepting.But then she showed her bossy, controlling, angry, impatient, rude, surly side. When she tried to tell me what I could and couldn't wear that permanently turned me off to her. I'm not good at standing up to people, so I can't handle her. It's not her, it's me. I just can't handle that.

Sounds like you should have gotten to know your boyfriend and his family better before you decided to have a child with him. It also sounds like both of you have control issues and relationship problems you need to work out.

Just throwing in my two cents.