Sometimes I wish I were lower functioning...

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I find it very difficult to be on the higher functioning end of AS... It really is quite a pain to have people place the same expectations they have for an NT on you all the time... Even my parents do that. My dad seems to think I will grow out of AS, and that I will always be only a couple of years behind others my age. I am a lot more than a couple of years behind, and the gap is growing. To confirm my dad's theory, my meltdowns almost never happen now (haven't had one in roughly a year), and I can have more sophistacted (in depth) conversations (which is not the same as socializing, its intellectual sharing)... Everyone seems to expect me to become an NT at some point in my life, as if I can just poof into a normal person... My only hope is that something happens and I can be rediagnosed as being lower functioning... If I were lower functioning I wouldn't have to worry about these unrealistic expectations, and could just be me a bit better... Sure I would stick out worse most likely, but it would be a good trade off for me...

Uh, a diagnosis wouldn't change how you were perceived--not unless the people in question knew it. And even then they would only shift to the sort of prejudice that low functioning people get more--pitying, patronizing, underestimation. You're going to be treated badly by people who don't accept anyone who isn't "normal", no matter whether they think you're very close or very far away from it.

I would rather be looked at that way than looked at with expectations higher than I am capable of fulfilling...

Grass is always greener...

Depending on how I'm perceived, I can get either kind, and they're both insulting, only in different ways.

I am also the type of person who responds to being looked at as incapable of something in a way that that kind of criticism actually pushes me forward. The only people I am really having difficulty with for this overestimation is my family... They expect way to much from me, and as I said, they also expect me to grow out of my AS symptoms.

Dr. Tony Attwood said it is easier on a high functioning autistic than on an Aspie. He said it was because when the autistic is DXed at a young age and then later becomes high functioning all progress is considered so wonderful because of the lower functioning they thought they would be. With Asperger's Syndrome, we are always compared with NTs and we will always be lacking.

I find myself in the forefront of an undiscovered country. . the first generation of DXed Aspies that will find out if we maintain our level, or if we decline from paralleling the arc the NT with age. I find the journey daunting, but because it is either that, or checking out early, I guess I will always be compared to the NT and found wanting, and to the low functioning autist and figured 'lucky'

Merle

At my age, I don't care anymore if people start cutting me slack because AS is becoming more recognized. At this stage, my life is more the way it is due to the ordeals of my past than current attitudes of people towards me. Childhood abuse, lack of a life partner, string of painful memories of being used and abused and rejected, no contact with family, no friends, no career...all that is more determinant of my present and future than the new attitudes I might encounter. (I do realize this is a bit off-topic)

I know what you mean, OP. I feel an enormous amount of pressure and huge expectations had been placed on me throughout my life via my parents and well meaning others. I am only starting to break free of them.

I think most parents set standards for their kids which are higher than they think can be achieved. They instinctively know that unless they do that their kids won't grow to their maximum potential.

After I post this I will find a link I know of that is relevant. You should check it out.

Well I know I will never do that to my child if I ever have one. I will be happy if they are free to be themselves and not be forced into a nervous breakdown by the world.

I found the link (link follows)

http://www.wnyc.org/shows/radiolab/episodes/2008/12/05

This lets you listen to an archived radio show that I heard on National Public Radio. It was very well done. Its about a father and son and how they dealt with AS. I found it thought provoking. I started a thread about it here on WP if you want to search for it. If you have trouble finding it, let me know.

I am glad you posted. I just realized that I should say that I know it would be easy to go too far.
Its a balancing act. I never raised any kids myself. I would be a nervous wreck trying to do it properly. For example, trying to achieve that balance.

Thanks. I think it is important for parents to have a realistic idea of what their child can do and what would cause them great stress. Sadly this sometimes isnt the case.

I can't help myself, but thinking your idea to end you just asking for a kind of well prepared nest in which you can rest without taking the struggle to survive in a mostly hostile world.

You may shall recall first that also NTs are struggling in hostile world which they do neither understand fully. The struggle Aspies have is slightly different, but why do assume to have less struggle?

There is always a danger with being diagnosed with any mental abnormality: To blame every trouble we have to this condition. Being an Aspie has its shortcomings in respect of unwritten rules and social interaction, but those shortcoming can be turned into strengths, because you need to understand on an intellectual level how this interactions work and you are much more immune against commonly used manipulations.

Wishing to be "lower functioning" would strip you from those strengths and would make you for whole live dependent on others and their decisions. You would exchange your freedom with a bit more convenience. Is this really what you wish?

My parents think I'm "NT". They also provide much less support than parents of most "NTs" I've known. It's still better than being pitied, patronized, and underestimated, though.

You are aware of that there are a couple of people who'll deny that a diagnosis is correct, yes?

Because when I told some people about classical autism and AS, they thought I was misdiagnosed or/and that my case must be so mild, it's probably not a valid diagnosis.

They didn't 'get' the disorder and rather attributed my obvious gross deficits to what they knew and understood and which ultimately seemed more plausible to them than 'autism'.