Getting a diagnosis - is there anything else I need to say?

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So, I had yet another meeting where someone sat me down and said that people had been complaining that I was rude and that I needed to think about how what I say might sound or be interpreted. I eventually had to tell the person that I might have aspergers, and so it is very difficult. The person wants to tell the rest of the team so that they can actually tell me when I sound rude rather than complain about me when I can't hear them, but I don't have any official diagnosis and it doesn't feel right to tell an entire team that I MIGHT have something.
I have debated whether or not to get a diagnosis, since I've heard adult diagnosis is difficult to obtain, and because I'm worried I will have to declare it when I apply for jobs. However, I have had so many conversations with people where I have been in trouble because others have interpreted what I've said differently to what I mean (which in my opinion should be their problem not mine) that I've decided I should.
I am going to book an appointment to see my doctor. I will tell them that several people have suggested I might have aspergers, and that a diagnosis would help with my job (as lack of one is making things difficult right now). I will, if asked, list the symptoms that I seem to have, and some of the reasons that people have given me for their civillian diagnosis. I will ask to see a specialist (which apparently is my right). Is there anything else that I would need to do to get referred to a specialist? I read on a website that a doctor HAS to refer me to an NHS specialist if I want so I am going to insist.

If the diagnosis does not interfere with job performance or require accommodation, there is no reason to tell your employer about it.

Some Aspies write down what they want to say when they go and ask for a diagnosis, and read it out or hand it over. If writing's more dependable than speech for you, then go for it.

You should definitely tell the doctor about those incidents at work: "They say I'm being rude, but I don't mean to be and I don't even know how I'm being rude." That is a definite problem, and if an AS diagnosis explains it (there are other things that could explain it), then that means that you're diagnosable because you still have some impairments from AS.

Some adults are no longer officially diagnosable because, despite still having the brain-wiring and social outlook of an Aspie, they have since they were children learned enough in their weak areas to bring them to borderline-normal skill levels in those areas. That's one of the reasons that AS in adults might not be easy to diagnose; the other being, obviously, that when you deal with an adult you are not looking for a "children's disorder" that has often become unrecognizably different from the typical childhood presentation over the years. (For the record, I still count these non-disabled Aspies as autistic.)

One cool thing about diagnosis: Being nervous can actually help you, because it means you can't play NT as well and some of your Aspieness is going to show.

^Great advice, Callista. Before I first saw a psychotherapist, I wrote down how I saw my experience and gave the paper to the therapist before our meeting so she could read it over. I think that helped for her to understand how I feel, rather than how I appear.

Good luck, Alycat.

Z

Thank you. I have texted someone I know who works with an autism based company to ask them if there is anything I need to remember or prepare for. I also asked them to confirm that they thought I had aspergers (they said a while back but I wanted to make sure).
I am going to ring the doctors tomorrow and make an appointment.

Your situation sounds a lot like mine. I first visited my GP in October, and have been assessed by a psychiatrist who didn't think I'm on the spectrum but reluctantly agreed to refer me to the specialist clinic. I was worried they wouldn't see me as I think the psychiatrist basically advised them not to, but yesterday I got a letter saying they would, as long as my Primary Care Trust could find the funding. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

There is some useful information on the National Autistic Society website about getting a diagnosis as an adult. You might also want to google "triad of impairments" if you haven't already, that's basically the diagnostic criteria.

And I definitely second (third?) the idea of writing it all down. That's what I did - I think I'd have just burst into tears and not been able to say anything at the first GP meeting if I hadn't.

If you still have reservations about getting a diagnosis, it may not be necessary.

Check your local laws as they relate to discrimination and disability. You might find that disability has a meaning such that if a person is impaired in excess of a period of time, that this might constitute disability. There may not be any requirement that disability be proved to someone before you are protected from being discriminated against by them.

It is plausible (depending on local law) that you may be entitled to accommodations without diagnosis, because you are impaired (long term). Conceivably you could describe your disability as a "communication impairment" without having to be more specific or seek diagnosis.

It might be in your interests to check local discrimination law, how it applies to "disability" and the legal definition of "disability" as it applies within your jurisdiction.

My doctors appointment is on Thursday. I can't get in to work today because of snowy and icy roads (my mum told me it was too dangerous to drive in) so I am going to use my time to write out what I need to say.
The woman I texted replied in her text that she did think I had an autistic spectrum disorder.
Hopefully I will get a referral and find out once and for all. Then I will KNOW.

You should print out a copy of the DSM IV for Aspergers. Then by each item write out if it applies to you listing incidents that have occurred during your lifetime that pertain to each symptom listed. That will help the doctor perhaps because its hard sometimes to remember everything you need to tell them during the interview.

I had the appointment. She said she'd see what she could do with regards a referral. I now have to wait and see.

She got me a referral. It's for Thursday. I have no idea what will happen in the meeting (which is an hour long) or what I'm supposed to do. I will post after the fact to say what happened.
If anyone has any helpful advice about the appointment then please tell it to me