How good are you at picking ulterior motives?

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I used to be a zero at it, simply because I used to think that people didn't ever have ulterior motives / hidden agendas. Nowadays I think it's rare that someone speaks their honest truth, but I believe most people most of the time are just saying what is in their best interest to say. This has made me much better at picking ulterior motives, and much less as I used to be - forever taken aback when someone's true motives were finally unveiled.

Usually if I suspect that someone has "ulterior" motives, but it isn't obvious what they would be, I'll just ask them. I think that I can usually tell when someone is lying to me, although I can't lie effectively to save my life. If they lie, they lose points on the trustability scale.

If I can guess what the motives are, I just laugh at them in my head, because if I can figure it out, then it must be transparently obvious to the rest of the world. And usually the motives revolve around liking someone, which for some reason is usually funny to me.

I always assume the worst. When you go into a situation expecting the other person to lie and attempt to manipulate you, then sometimes they will sense that your guard is up and they will be more honest and upfront about things. Even if they had no intention of deceiving you, it doesn't hurt to be a little skepticle.

I don't respond well to people trying to mooch money, because they are looking for soft spots. Every good deal that fell off a truck is stolen. Everything that sounds too good to be true is. Vallejo CA. is more laid back than when I was younger, bur we still have scum cranksters and crack smokers aplenty. My step cousin was murdered by her husband circa 1971. I'm fairly cynical at this point in my life.

Too good. Almost to the point to paranoia.

I have no idea because I rarely get to know for certain if there is an ulterior motive or not. I often suspect them (usually in a bad way if I am feeling depressed), but have no idea if Im being paranoid, or correct or completely in the wrong direction.

Trust No One.


You can tell when they're lying - their lips move.

The cynical part of me wholeheartedly agrees. So does the bitter part. And the misanthropistic part. And a few other parts of me, too.

You have not necessarily become better at reading people's motives; you've simply become more paranoid.

I agree. I've never been able to read people's motives - ever. I couldn't tell if I was being played for a fool until after the fact. These days, just to play it safe, I just assume that everyone has ulterior motives until they prove different. Paranoid, yes, but life has made me this way.

PS - just because one is paranoid doesn't mean that everyone isn't out to get them. (j/k)

I never thought there was an ulterier motive. NOw, I think everyone has one. I'm very mistrusting, unfortunately.

equinn

Actually they're lying even when their lips don't move.

This is like me too.

I was taken in by a friend for years and years even though others didn't trust them. I could hear the words but I couldn't see what was behind them until a couple of years ago when they did something so blatantly dishonest and told me about it, it was then that I thought long and hard for a week or two and started to match things up that I had remembered people saying and finally, I got it. It was a big breakthrough for me and gave me a template from which to work from.

Last edited by Kaleido on 19 Apr 2008, 8:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

[quote="Viola"The cynical part of me wholeheartedly agrees. So does the bitter part. And the misanthropistic part. And a few other parts of me, too.[/quote]

You are quite a multifaceted person Viola.

I know when people are not authentic.

I don't know when they're amused, depressed, angry or anything.

But I can spot lies and acting right in real life right away because it is extremely obvious.

I don't know why other people don't. Or why I can spot lies but not pick on the emotional state of others.

Being able to see lies and being able to know someone's emotions seem to be two very different things.

It was a big breakthrough for me and gave me a template from which to work from.

Yes, that's how I learned too.

Also, I discovered that my fury is not due to selfishness/egocentrism/craziness as I was taught to believe since I was born, but a sign that deep down my intuition knows I'm being conned.