Cannot Establish Meaningful Relationships

Post Reply New Topic

Regardless of what people I meet or how I interact with them, I cannot seem to establish any meaningful relationships. There are people with whom I am familiar and try to socialize with, but I feel little connection to these people. Even if I may care about them, I feel that they do not care about me. No one ever calls me to go do anything and I almost never become involved in an activity without asking someone what he/she is going and then basically inviting myself to be involved.
I go to parties every weekend alone to try and meet people. I am considerably more sociable when intoxicated, but still never manage to establish connections with people, who tend to simply dismiss me as being "weird" or even "creepy." I've tried different anti-depressants, but none of them has had any significant effect on my disposition or how I interact with people.
I try to mimic the actions and behavior of people when they socialize, but I am still not capable of completely reproducing normal actions. It would be nice if people could understand this, but they do not. I have tried putting trust into people only to have them manipulate and toy with me due to their assumption that I am just extremely gullible. This further complicates my situation because I do not know whom I can trust. I try to take a cautious stance towards new people, but I simply cannot read their intentions beyond their words.
Due to these difficulties, I am extremely isolated and alone. I am simply not seen as a likable person by anyone despite all of my attempts. I do not enjoy being alone and always want to socialize. This makes it difficult to complete work or enjoy life at any time because I am constantly dissatisfied with my situation. I put a vast amount of effort into socializing but achieve no effect.
I see people all around me connecting with people and having friends and it saddens me that I cannot have the same thing.

Hey! Welcome to having Aspergers. Pull up a chair

It bothers me less because I do not invest my time in people. I invest it in things that I know reap more success; things that aren't human.

Connecting to people isn't really important to me. Besides, it's too illogical to work for me.

interesting comments.

i'm like you praetorius. but i also feel a little like angelus-mortis. i'd like to get into meaningful relationships. i don't know of any other way to do this than with music and art. i'm currently doing both feverishly. i think it;s because music and art can communicate better i can. worth a thousand words... a thousand words i don't know...

Praetorius - how do you physically and emotionally feel when you're out and about in social situations?

Oh, Praetorius, do I know what THAT is like. I am getting to the point where I simply cannot STAND NeuroTypicals any longer. I always hear that old and worn-out suggestion "If you want friends, you have to BE a friend", but NTs seem to the be the antithesis of that remark. I'm a 34-year old janitor at a major university, and trying to interact with the students is like trying to communicate with an alien species, and don't get me started about "manipulation"---college kids are the MASTERS of it.

If you can find a group of others within the Autistic Spectrum (or AS) who meets, say, once a week, go for it. I will be attending one such group this week, and they put special emphasis on "reading" and "interpreting" social cues and situations. Look for a group like that, and join up. As more and more people discover these truths about themselves through the diagnosis, these kinds of groups will grow like weeds.

Oh yeah, been there, felt that. After much introspection, I realized that merely mimicing social interaction fails me because I lack spontaneity in my responses (verbal and otherwise) if I do not have a "mental script".

My capacity to have meaningful relationships isn't broken, just impaired. The trick is finding people who understand my quirks.

One reason for your problem is that you are an insensitive jerk praetorius!! ! Remember that stupid pic you posted on my topic? I found it extreemly offensive!! Perhaps that is why people find you to be a creep and want nothing to do with you!! Do you even understand ? What were you thinking? Grow up and learn something or you will never find any meaningful relationships!! ! Stop and think about your actions and how they might be offending people!! Just because you are on the spectrum, doesn't mean you can't learn something about interacting with people!! It may not be easy, but thats no excuse for not trying!! Progress can be made, but you must make an effort to learn!!

If you want to be emotionally close, you have to share your feelings. Social skills are a prerequisite.

forget alcohol. long term use of it leads to depression. i am exactly like you, except i never drink. i accepted that i am different and that i have aspergers. and now i just go to church, work, and school and i do my best to reach out to people and accept them for who they. i stopped attempting to be someone else. yes i get rejected and humiliated in front of almost every person i talk to. but i still talk to and reach out to people. and some people really appreciate it and they are the people who are my friends now.

Have you guys noticed that the OP is from a year and a half ago?

agree with above and think person who necroposted should think before they post next time.

but will kindly point out that this is a forum for people with autism and aspergers, which is crucially characterised by lack of social awareness and commonly difficulty judging appropriateness especially with regards language. :)

can mods close the thread or is that not the done thing around here?