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My nine year old daughter just received the dx of asd. She is so intelligent, she cares about social causes, and she is beautlful. She is also driving me insane. She is so moody, she is critical of others, she cries a lot. When will it get better for her and for us. She has so much to give to the world, but she just seems to get frustrated over everything. Her 2 year old sister has pdd and is happy all of the time. My Lilly is so angry all of the time. Oh I forgot to mention she is going through puberty also. Thanks for any advise.

It could just be the puberty. I have Asperger's and when I went through puberty I was rather moody and unpleasant.

I think that might be more puberty than an ASD. Hormones are tricky.

No offense, but females, ESPECIALLY ones going through puberty, are known for being more highstrung. THAT, coupled with her feeling less capable than she did(because of puberty), new challenges, and her dislike for others ineptness, just make it BAD. It may start to REALLY calm down in 1-3 years, and then gradually decrease until perhaps 16-18.

Hey, I went through puberty and I was a little angel. The years that followed were bad.
If it is related to AS then just help her to work on becoming more patient and less critical of others. It won't go away on its own. Maybe she could benefit from seeing a therapist.
Or you could take her to a doctor to rule anything else out. There is such a thing as extreme pms and it can be treated.
I'm just throwing some ideas out there. She may not have that.

In what ways is she critical? If she is correcting others a lot, this could be a result of aversion to things being "out of order".

While most people are able to "intuit" social themes and rules, for people with AS this is not plausible, and many respond by using verbalization to seek out information about why things are done as they, right from wrong etc and in some cases this can extend to using verbalization and attempts to control others to enforce stability, predictability and order within her environment.

Many of us love order, and love to verbalize about order and can be anxious and/or frustrated when our sense of order is challenged or undermined. This can result in what appears to others as criticism (but is in fact a desperate attempt to find or make order); if your daughter is using these methods to gain some sense of security about her environment and her place in the environment, then it's unlikely to stop without assistance to learn other coping methods.

I just found a girls club one hour away that is for AS girls. I told her about this and she asked if they are going to make fun of her for talking about things she likes and I told her no they won't do that. Lilly is critical of other people grammer. She is critical of me for not explaining things to her or asking her to do something in "the correct way". For example if I want her to do something I will try to say Lilly would you do....? She then asks me rather sharply if I am giving her a choice or if she will get in trouble for not doing it. Oh today we were in the store and she could care less about clother or how she looks. Well I saw this cute sweater and asked her if she liked it and she said she did. We took it home and she put the sweater on and made a horrified face and said how could I let her buy something so low cut. I told her I was sorry and I did not think it was low cut and she looked pretty in it. She said she could never wear anything that showed her breasts. Then she ran over ang hugged me and cried. I felt terrible. I am afraid that even though she is going through puberty she still is a little girls who likes to play with matchbox cars, stuffed animals, and play kitchen with her two year old sister.

When I was about 9 I used to have severe meltdowns all the time. My family hadn't even heard of ASD at that time so I just put it down to having a lack of understanding which led to lots of meltdown triggers. Do you know what your daughters triggers for her anger are?

My friend has an almost 9 year old without AS and she is going through the same mood swings as your daughter. She wants to be grown up and also wants to be a little girl.

I remember that transition time myself and it was VERY hard and I know I was very moody. Up until that time I was able to somewhat function with my peers but once the hormones kicked in, forget it. I hope he likes the AS girls group and that it will help her realize she is not the only one going through this stuff.

You seem to be a really caring mother who wants to help her child, that in and of itself will help a lot.

I really try to be a great mom. I really am angry because I don't think it is fair that both of my kids have a life that is not going to be easy in the least and I see people with NT kids and the parents are screaming and being abusive. I was in a store and a mom was screaming at her three year old son to shut up. At that time my 2 year old who has apraxia was non verbal and not able to even be out in public because it was too much sensory overload for her. I was so frustrated at this mom I went up to the child and told him he was a good boy and told the mom that she had no idea what it was like to have a difficult child. I went to explain that my two year old has severe autism, and she is so lucky her son could talk and I would give almost anything to hear the word mama. She felt really bad and for a moment I felt better that I was able to let my frustrations out.