Argument over the "Cure Controversy"

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My BF feels very strongly that any child should be prevented from feeling the high level of suffering he's felt his whole life due to AS. He wants a cure very badly for himself and others.

I tried arguing my point that we would lose our strengths along with the weaknesses and that we would lose a lot of the brilliant free-thinkers among us, but he points to people like himself who do not feel brilliant or special. I said that my suffering has been intensive and sucked, but it has made me what I am today.

He actually said my point of view was sick that I would want a child to suffer as we have. I said that it's society that needs to change so that the child doesn't suffer, the same way it had to change for women, blacks and gays.

He said it's different because they don't have neurological problems that prevent employment and completion of schooling as we have.

He got very mad at me and he is still mad at me. He wouldn't even listen to my point of view, as he is so sure of his. He just got more and more pissed off at me.

some used to argue that women, blacks and gays had neurological problems that prevented employment and completion of schooling too - along with immigrants, the poor, deaf, blind, etc

of course, such problems are often due to discrimination or systemic bias

You believe the suffering is due to environment.

Your boyfriend believes it is intrinsic.

Unless one of you changes your minds about that, I don't think you will ever see eye to eye on that topic.

Don't think he will change his mind if his life gets better; I've been very unhappy indeed and not wanted to change myself (though I did go through periods of wanting to kill myself) simply because I knew very well that I wouldn't be any happier as an NT. There's no good reason that he would change his mind if his life got better; he might just say it was because he had "overcome autism".

Sounds like a hot topic. Don't bring it up again for a while. Do feel free to point out all the little ways autistic people are targeted by prejudice, though--the news articles, the ad campaigns, the stories you hear here. Don't bring up cure, but start stressing human rights. Chances are your boyfriend is pretty much on the same page with you there. And showing him how life ought to be for human beings who happen to be autistic, and pointing out what's missing, will get him an indirect view of exactly how you think life could be a lot better--and why you think suffering on the autism spectrum is greatly influenced by environment rather than dictated by neurology.

He may never come around. He's entitled to his opinion and you can't make him change it. But maybe you can help him understand your point of view. Many autistics who want to be cured will say, "But if you don't want to be cured, then you shouldn't be forced," which is a better middle-ground position that preserves free choice and gets along a great deal better with the "I don't want a cure" crowd.

I guess there will always be a small minority of us Aspies who DO want a cure. It reminds me of the film XMen 3, have you seen it? There are these mutant people, and a cure is found that will make them normal humans. Some mutants line up round the block for the cure, while others resist it. The point is I guess, if there was a cure there would be some who would choose it. But your BF seems to have the attitude that everything would be fixed if he was NT. I would question that...it's like someone who thinks life will be perfect if they have plastic surgery, or the right job, or right car...only he can make himself happy in life whether he's Aspie or NT or whatever.

Ideally, anybody who wanted to choose a cure would be allowed to choose one. Free will, and all that. People have the right to decide things for themselves. (This is coming from somebody who'd rather die than be turned NT, since I consider them equivalent, so you know I really care about people being allowed to make their own decisions.)

The trouble with that is that if the problem of prejudice isn't solved first; if society doesn't accept that it's OK to be autistic by choice; then there won't be such a thing as a voluntary cure--not for long. Children would be forced into it, and parents lose custody if they didn't go along; low-functioning people would simply be forced against their will; high-functioning people would be refused accommodations because they didn't "need them" since a cure is available. Essentially, if prejudice stays around, if a cure is invented while people still think that being non-disabled is more important than being allowed to keep the way you think and feel and see the world, then there won't be such a thing as being able to choose or not choose it. It would be chosen for you.

That's why I think that, whether or not you want a cure for yourself, you ought to be working for acceptance of autism as a different and acceptable way of seeing the world. We all know autism can and by definition does cause impairment; but that is no reason to accept the mistreatment that autistic people get from others. Autism is like any other disability in that way, even for autistics who aren't disabled--we struggle with some of the same fundamental issues: Lack of acceptance; lack of respect; alienation from society. The issue of prejudice is an important one, and your opinions on whether you want a cure or not shouldn't affect your actions when dealing with the way the world sees us.

Callista, you make some really good points. I hadn't thought about the "world of the future" where we all might be forced to take the cure or go without benefits and support.

I just wish more funding went into support services and less into funding research for a cure.

double post by accident whoops

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Being Normal Is Vastly Overrated

without suffering there is no compassion, which is a stupid way of puttin it, but those who suffer teach many about how we grow to be stronger, and those who are around those who suffer learn how to have empathy, understanding and care. if this world had no suffering where do u think we would all be honestly? do u think ppl would care as much. Your bf has a strong point of view, sometimes you just cant argue with it, sometimes u have to disagree to agree, or hold in your beliefs so it doesnt upset him, especially if he feels strongly about it.

my boyfriend said to me just today if he could kill me and bring me back with a new brain he would he hates how much i suffer, but i totally understand his point of view even if i dont feel the same way. i know sometimes i do suffer from autism, but i suffer more from lack of understanding, lack of acceptance more then anything. I rise above it, i try to educate ppl as much as i can, even if they dont want the education nor care, i never give up though, even if it doesnt help me, itll help somebody else in the long run. i watched kids and adults of all ages who suffer seriously from disorders, like my best friend in the whole world evie, shes 13, nonverbal, in a wheelchair, can only move her left arm, does simple sign and uses a communication device to communicate, cant eat solid foods, not amazing short term memory but even made a joke about her disability, my bf asked her while helpin her write to this guy shes in love with hehe, what she wants to say, she then points to her mouth and laughs, and hes like i know u cant verbally talk, its a figure of speech and i laughed, and the whole way home, it opened my eyes like even this little girl who is so severely impacted by her disabilities that leave her literally suffering, is rising above it, smiling. if u ask her if god made her this way, she smiles and signs yes showing her cross.

some see things in a different light, doesnt mean that light is different or wrong, its a different view, sometimes you can change that view, soemtimes you cant, all u can do is try to make ur boyfriends light stronger, and more bright so he can shine it all over the world. basically try to let him know that he can do anything if he puts his mind to it, and a cure wont solve always solve the problem necessarily, sometimes its just pushin the problem away. its like u see a bump in the road, do u drive over it even tho u know its going to be hard and might cause some problems along the way or are u going to turn around to avoid it? eventually driving over that bump will have to be done one way or another, life itself is hard, and sometimes its even harder recognizing anything is possible when the possible seems so impossible. dont ever give up. all i can say is try to work it out, and if he refuses to change his opinion, let him have his opinion, just understand it, and let it be, even if ur strongly against it, and in the future when things are more calm and hes in a happier state and u feel confident to bring it up, let him know that u care about im, and understand how he feels even if u disagree.

anyways hope i helped u alittle.

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Being Normal Is Vastly Overrated

Thank you Age1600. That was very thoughtful. You see, I was on one of my rampages where it was important to convert someone to my point of view. I pushed him to the limit and found out what he REALLY feels, destroying a romantic moment.

I'm beginning to question and re-evaluate my anti-cure views. Maybe it IS possible to preserve our strengths if our weaknesses were taken away. Maybe our strengths are genetic. I think they're stronger because we have to compensate so hard, though.

I don't want to be cured today. I don't care if I'm ever cured. But, maybe a cure should be available to those who want one. The problem, as was pointed out before, is if there was a cure, we would all be forced to take it or lose services.