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osti62
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14 Mar 2009, 7:32 pm

funny one the other day

Im not for one moment denying im not strong in the empathy dept, but this just astonished me the other day
on discussing said subject with my partner she claimed
"when you say things you don't mean them?"
"explain that" i replied

"you can't see/feel/understand the other persons position"

Ok, she used the following example, when i spend hours loading our website with product, painstakingly going through stock control etc etc, if someone who "knows" what you've been doing comments how well you've done it carries more worth
when someone else just says "that looks good bet it took ages" it isn't the same??

Ok, so when i took a look outside the other day at the fence she was putting together & up in her back garden & said "fence is coming along well, you've made a good job of that" apparently i didn't mean it????

"It didn't mean much to me" she said


Tell you what, i aint got a clue :?



pakled
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14 Mar 2009, 7:36 pm

Well, when it comes to women, it's hard to know...;)
Inside, she was probably pleased.



osti62
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14 Mar 2009, 7:44 pm

hope so but she didn't show it when telling me so :roll:

now kinda worried about what i say ! !!



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14 Mar 2009, 8:07 pm

osti62 wrote:

Ok, so when i took a look outside the other day at the fence she was putting together & up in her back garden & said "fence is coming along well, you've made a good job of that" apparently i didn't mean it????

"It didn't mean much to me" she said




That sounds like she's confusing her reaction with your intent. She (incorrectly) thinks that because it didn't mean much to her, that means that you didn't mean it.


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osti62
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14 Mar 2009, 8:25 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:
osti62 wrote:

Ok, so when i took a look outside the other day at the fence she was putting together & up in her back garden & said "fence is coming along well, you've made a good job of that" apparently i didn't mean it????

"It didn't mean much to me" she said




That sounds like she's confusing her reaction with your intent. She (incorrectly) thinks that because it didn't mean much to her, that means that you didn't mean it.







think thats what i was thinking but im not sure :roll: :lol:

funny how some of the things i say are supposed to come across as cutting
she really ought to listen to herself sometimes :o



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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14 Mar 2009, 8:27 pm

When someone says that to me I assume the person saying it is in a bad mood, sometimes I take it personally. Maybe the person saying it is pissed off at me about something or someone they said has biased them against me, maybe only temporarily. If someone keeps on responding in similar ways I get the idea they don't want a compliment from me so I stay quiet.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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14 Mar 2009, 8:27 pm

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Last edited by ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo on 14 Mar 2009, 8:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

osti62
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14 Mar 2009, 8:34 pm

If someone keeps on responding in similar ways I get the idea they don't want a compliment from me so I stay quiet.




Nail on the head my friend :wink:

but only leads then to further chapters

"you're sulking" being the classic comment

no, im actually deep in thought about how to avoid further moments such as ! !



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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14 Mar 2009, 9:03 pm

Yep, that's a good response if they don't take it too personally, lol. I don't get accused of sulking. I have a sullen demeanor, anyway. Quiet and kinda sullen so it's not out of character for me not to respond.
I used to be much more complimentary until people acted like they didn't want to hear them so I got out of the habit of being that way. Who knows, maybe your partner is just in a bad mood and next time you say something nice her way she will say "thanks".