Hovis wrote:
I had brought quite a long list of notes and 'observations' for him, but he didn't even need to go into them. He spoke to me for around two hours, and said that he thinks I have Asperger's. he was in no doubt.
I'm shocked, because despite everything I've read and related to, I still thought he'd either say I didn't have it and should just go into therapy, or at the most had 'some autistic traits' or some such.
I just don't know how I feel at the moment, relieved or slightly depressed. Relieved that I was right, that I'm not simply insane, and things in the past weren't my fault. Depressed that now I can't even pretend to myself that I'm 'normal'.
It's been nearly a year for me now and I'm still going through those types of feelings, unsure whether to breathe a sigh of relief or weep in hopelessness and despair. Sometimes I do both nearly at once.
One of the funny things (peculiar funny, but also a little ha-ha ironic) about coming to terms with the idea that my oddness is actually an atypical brain function, is that I realize more and more all the time just how glaringly obvious it has been to those around me
for years that I was not just intelligent and unique, but exceedingly odd and eccentric. In other words,
they knew all the time there was something definitely 'wrong' with me, while I saw myself as just a bit eclectic and somewhat aloof. Embarrassingly enough, I think the notion that I have a 'mental disorder' is far more of a shock to
me than to friends, family and coworkers.
And still, I can't shed the feeling that
I'm the rational one, and it's they who have a problem...