"Came out" to someone as Aspie and...

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She looked at me like I was crazy. She was like "there's no way you have that!" Now, I've not known this woman for a long time and we were on a looong car trip. It was sort of a nightmare because it's that forced conversation thing that I absolutely hate. We got onto the subject of AS and I basically told her I was diagnosed after my young nephew had been diagnosed.

The woman barely knows me and made this declaration like she was my doctor! I guess I should have kept my mouth shut, but I wanted to be open with her. My mistake.

My question is, is there ever really a reason to tell others that you aren't close to or to others who have no idea about AS and how it presents itself?

I do it, usually, and then I have to explain what it is and how it affects me and it usually ends up being a long discussion. I didn't used to and I think that's part of why I could never keep friends. This time around, I am trying things differently!

One time I told someone, and he said that it explained a lot of my behavior. That was refreshing...He knew other people with Aspergers....

..But I have been laughed in the face for telling people before....

I guess, if I'm in "sharing" mood and I think it will help.

I wanted to post that I think some people say that as a compliment. I've noticed that some people think that autism and Asperger syndrome are horrible things. Some people aren't comfortable with any "mental illness", not knowing the difference between dangerous psychotics, and something that is organic like bipolar or developmental. These kinds of people will sometimes rush in with "oh you can't be like that"! to cover up their discomfort and they think they are complimenting you.

And in a "forced conversation" sometimes it's because the other person is acutely uncomfortable. My mother in law is like that when I talk about Asperger syndrome. She makes weird comments like, "It sounds like you're comfortable with your Asperger syndrome." Unfortunately, I think she's uncomfortable with talking about it.

Why bother?

I got this statement from a person who could guess what I had (sensitive indeed), without any outing:
"Ok, I see, don't think you can act differently though! You are the one that has got to come to our ground".

I was left wordless, as always.

I do not see how to build a bridge across this ocean. Anyway, letting them know, to my experience, doesn't help. They might acknowledge it, but they do not understand it.

Sonny,

This is a great question. I also told someone who was like NO YOU DON'T! Funny this is he has it! He does not know it, but if ever there was an ASP he is one.

I have told others who could have cared less.

There are some who are like WOW but if they know you they are less likely to do that. If htey do NOT kniow you, they are more lke Oh you have that weird thing .

I used to be pretty open when I was first diagnosed, because it was such an exciting and strange idea at the time. Now I'm quite secretive and my friend who I've known for years doesn't know, and she hopefully hasn't noticed too much. I told a friend in year 7 and she said "you aren't different" which made me wish I hadn't told her.
I have told some friends at school either because they have it or one of their friends have, my school seems to have quite a few aspies in it, I was in a talent show in year 8 and there were 4 taking part including me. I watched the dvd of it not long ago and my mum said "is this the aspie show or summat?"
Anyway I tend not to tell people usually because it's not that notice-able (I think)

I have learned to be very discerning whom I tell I have AS.

Because of my very highly adaptive skills, I have been able to greet the world rather convincingly as NT all my life. However, as my true aspieself becomes liberated from the shadowlands, my persona of normality melts and the world can see my sensitivities.

However, soon after my dx I was telling people in 12 step groups or poetry clubs of my new discoveries, and they would tell me I was just trying to label myself or restrict my spiritual growth.

The funny thing was, that when I was dx, I knew it explained perfectly everything internally within me, but I was disturbed and felt rather alienated from the aspie community because my insides did not match my outsides...........that is until I heard of other aspies like caiseal mor and Donna Williams whose early lives like mine were hellbent on surviving at the expense of autistic expression.

Chris

ps sonny I love the little dog on yr avatar, he or she is adorable

Last edited by criss on 20 Mar 2009, 3:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I do not really care that much what people think. I don't really spend a lot of time with other people and i love the way i live and how i view things.

I like being me.
I love what i do.
i love how i am.


there is nothing "wrong" with me that needs concealing.
and if someone in a car were to tell me i am not autistic after i had just communicated to them i was, i would likely turn in at the next train or bus station and tell them to go f**k themselves.
'there...out you go. and let me bite you...just for good measure."

then i would enjoy the rest of the drive on my own - all on my own -----the preferred way to be.

Same here. I only tell people I trust and only if I feel there's a reason to though.

I try and avoid it. Simply because it's much easier for me to 'fake it' than it is for me to act obviously aspie, and try and change people's minds about people with AS. Most people won't understand anyways, or if they do, they've only seen children with AS and it might cloud their perception of me.

I just meet people half-way. I'm not expected to be everyone's best buddy, but I'm polite to people and I acknowledge them when they acknowledge me. I help out with extra-curricular activities when I can, and as a result; I've developed quite a few "school friends". The step of making these people into real "FRIENDS" is the hardest part for me, though.

I don't tell people because they never know what it is so I have to explain it all to them, and I suck at explaining it.

I told my friend Vicky, and she knew what it was already, so that was cool.

I've told I think three people. Two of them were accepting and understanding, and don't really bring it up, they just treat me the same as before. One person I told, who is a good friend, yet not the brightest star in the sky, didn't quite catch on that quickly a brings it up from time to time as what he thinks is a joke. I usually ignore that though.

I've told a few people. Once I told a guy and he had it. Funny thing was, he was around yesterday, he said I had bad social skills and was making fun of Autistics. TBH, I just lol'd when he left 'cause he goes to the same social skills group of me and, obviously, has Autism(he told me he has Aspergers).
I was close to saying AS is a form of Autism, but I decided not to, since it was 2 years ago when I heard.
I don't tell anyone else now. Because of a few things. Mainly because most people know there's something different about me(thus I get patronized), but don't know what. Me telling them, I think, would give them more of a reason to patronize me, since people think I'm ret*d when I tell them.
'ret*d
verb |riˈtärd| [ trans. ]
delay or hold back in terms of progress, development, or accomplishment'
Socially, I am. That's it. But on my school record it just says I have a 'specific disability'(teacher left it lying about), so I can tell when a teacher's read it.
I'm not going to open my self to be patronized the way I am to teachers.
Even when I'm fairly confident they won't think less of me, I don't. Me and a friend were talking about Autism, but I didn't say anything about me having it.
EMZ.

even though I've already contributed to this thread I couldn't resitst adding more.

I have this aquatence/friend (whatever she is) at school and she's had this on off relationship with this aspie dude (whom I also went out with once for about a week) and apparalently she's lost her virginity to him, anyway that's not the point. She always talks about how he's annoying when he be's all blunt with her and all that, and she knows he has AS and she always talks about it because she used to talk to my aspie friend who she stopped talking to because he was too distant etc, and she has no idea that I have it, which I find amusing because she's talking about how "annoying" they both are and how their aspie-ness freaks her out and I'm just sitting there pretending I don't know what she's on about. That's part of why I don't usually tell people because it's fun to be a bit of a secret agent type thing lol.

There have been times where teachers have metioned it to other teachers or me and someone has over heard. Because in one of my lessons I was being particularly unorganised and it mentions that on my IEP, so the teacher said something like "I contacted the special needs department about blah blah.." and she didn't even say it quietly so these boys on this table next to us were like "hahaha special neeeeds" but one of those boys has ADHD and has an IEP so he can't say anything!

My parents have told people but I myself have only told some close friends. They didn't mind (in fact one is autistic himself). One person once asked me why I was so quiet, I didn't want to tell him I was autistic so all I said was "I'm shy."