How do i become more proud?

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How can I become more proud of having Aspergers. I've had it my entire life and it never bothered me as much until recently....how can I be more comfortable with myself and it?

I'm not sure if I'll ever be proud of it. To be honest I'd rather not have it because the social issues have made me depressed. I find it easier to forget about it and/or pretend it's not there.

The hardest part is explaining it to other people - nobody seems to have heard of Aspergers! It's not just stereotypically male traits ("so why don't you watch sports?"), it's not just geekyness ("so you're a geek, that's not a special condition"), and it's not autism-lite ("so can you count cards like Rain Man?").

Personally I haven't "come out" to many people about it yet, and even those I have told have needed it explaining a few times.

I'll take a guess: Your parents were slightly Aspie themselves, or for whatever reason tolerant, and never gave you a hard time about it. Somehow or other, you were sheltered. Now that you have to deal with the world straight on, everyone seems crazy. Am I getting close?

Anyway, the first thing you need to realize is that it's not you who is crazy, it's them. Then you need to figure out, objectively, what the specific differences are without condemning yourself. Then you need to figure out how to get along with a majority that is defective, without being too hard on them. Poor things.

Poor NT Sufferers! ;o)
http://www.experienceproject.com/storie ... ome/128967

you become 'more proud' of AS by becoming confident in your talents and abilities. That confidence will enhance your inabilities and you will become charming, and that makes you more approachable by people you dazzle with your talents and abilities.

that's the real 'Aspie Pride'.

confidence.

Merle

Hi Joshandspot, I hope I can help you here. I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and have pride in having it. To me it is a gift and I wouldn't want to let it go for all the money in the world. But why am I proud of it? Well (even before I was diagnosed), I have always regarded autistic people as a sort of magic-like mystery---hard to understand and very special. I have always seen them as harboring gifts like talents/intellect/etc. In fact, I like uniqueness and autism is unique. All my life I knew I was different---so I thought I might as well take pride in being unique. And when I was diagnosed with Asperger's it was like "wonderful!! !" Well, the diagnosis helped me understand who I was. After 44 years, I found myself. Being diagnosed has strengthened my marriage and made me a better father.

I am fascinated by autism. And I feel very lucky to be autistic. My life is fun. I feel like an overgrown child---I still play with toys like HO scale model trains and pinewood derby cars. But yet, I am very adult acting too---in fact, as a child, I was often perceived as acting like an adult.

I guess I see autism as a way of thinking that is on an entirely different level than the rest of the world. I am not pushing Aspie eliticism here, but I am saying it is a different way of thinking that the rest of the world would have a hard time understanding. And on the other hand, we that are autistic have a hard time understanding NT thinking because it is on a different level.

I guess the reason behind my being fascinated with autism comes from one of those interest things that we autistics have. So in essence, I have been fascinated with what I always had and never knew it until this past November (2008) when I was officially diagnosed.

Just be proud of your uniquenesses. Be proud that you are a mystery to the rest of the world that may wonder what it would be like to be autistic. Truly---it is a gift. You just have to unwrap it to understand what it can do for you. Once you accept the gift, your journey will begin into a magic realm of delight. Often times before I go to sleep I submerge myself into my hidden world of my imaginary amusement park. I have ridden my roller coaster many times and walked miles up and down my midways enjoying the fabulous attractions there. I can smell the popcorn, candy apples, soft pretzels, and cotton candy. I can hear the Wurlitzer band organ playing from the hand carved Philadelphia Toboggan Company carousel. I can hear the roller coaster cars thundering down the steeply banked drops of the Spiral Dips roller coaster. I see the well manicured shrubberies and trees lining the midway leading to the grand ballroom in the distance. I see historic rides that are polished to mirror-like finishes as they cheat the ravages of time. And if I get brave, I hop aboard the Pretzel brand dark ride car and enter the multi-level Eerie Mansion haunted house ride where scores of ghouls try to frighten me. As evening approaches, the park comes alive with multi-colored lights, while the Spiral Dips' chase lights illuminate the midway below. But this is imagination---but I can experience it in my own special autistic way---it is fun.

Autism has given me a multitude of special interests and talents (I play several musical instruments). For these reasons, and more, I am proud to have Asperger's/autism. Find your pride---it is worth it.

I'm quite happy to have Aspergers, although obviously it has its down sides. But I'm not proud of it, because I see pride as being in something I've achieved, and I have no choice over the fact I have Aspergers. I'm proud of the strategies I've taught myself to deal with different challenges of Aspergers, but not proud (nor ashamed) of the fact of being an Aspie, any more than I'm proud of being female or 5'5".

I suggest you avoid pride, and just aim towards comfortable and indifference (meaning you don't really care).

Pride for some reason is something considered to be positive. When I look at it though, it always generates anger and hatred towards the ones being proud, and from the ones being proud to the ones outside of the group. Overall, pride just creates sensitivity towards it, it creates the idea of "good" that can be attacked. Then everyone has to be "sensitive" towards the proud, as to not upset them. Pretty stupid really.

So, forget pride and just go with, "Whatever."

asperger syndrome is only relevant when you are caught in a mixture of social people who have their expectations of your automatic understanding of their mood and emotion, and they have a desire for your reciprocation in kind.

if there was no other person on earth, and my only company was animals, and i picked my food from the trees, then i would never know i have "AS".

it is an insufficient synchromesh with other thinking people that causes me my ineffectual personage.

i am not capable of experiencing "pride", because "pride" always has reference to other peoples notions of success.

i am "satisfied" and "complacent" rather than proud.

"pride" seems to be felt by people who like admiration from foreign consciousnesses.

i do not care who says "wow". they are not in my head.

Well, in my own experience I find myself outside every group (exept you guys. ) allready, so what difference would that make?


My answer to this is: don't be proud of what you are, be proud of who you are.

Here's how I see it: Aspergers is neither something to be proud of nor to feel shame about. The way I see life is this: I see Aspergers, depression, ADD, other psychological issues, the physical limitations and needs of my body or for that matter the fact that my soul is tied to one, physics, anything else to be an imposition on me, myself, my soul and will.

I derive pride from other things. I see AS as an impediment upon my satisfying my will. I don't get how or why people derive pride from AS. Do you feel proud about any other medical condition you may have?

You're right. The semantics does matter. We need to be more specific and use words like self-respect or self-esteem. It's just that, when you've been knocked down so low, the only way out requires something a little more aggressive. Somehow, in your own mind, you need to break through the condemnation. You reach a breaking point that leads to a realization and a transformation. That you are, deep down, not like them and you don't want to be. Say "you're not the boss of me," or something to that effect. The catch-phrase you attach to the breakthrough will be different for everyone.

The right place to be is a third alternative, which is a place most people never find. Picture a rabbit, a wolf and an elephant as the three alternatives.

"Transforming grief into rage" is a uniquely human characteristic. Some would argue that the moment our species acquired that ability was the moment we became human. It's quick, a sudden flip-flop. The other side of the same coin. For example, a street gang initially forms because they are frightened children who come together to provide for their own common defense. Then, once they realize how powerful they are, they become predators themselves. They become the very problem they wanted to avoid. They never get to the level of the elephant, of protect yourself but do no harm.

Most people instinctly understand that, if you refuse to be a rabbit and obey their group, the only alternative is to be a wolf, which is a threat and must be attacked on sight. An attitude of Live-and-let-live will never be understood by the majority, therefore we will always be at war. Somehow, you need to find a way to avoid triggering that instinct.

That's just the trouble. It's not a "medical condition." It's a basic difference. Like being left-handed or being a Tetrachromat (http://ray.tomes.biz/b2/index.php/a/2007/06/21/p147) The problems stem from the refusal of others to accept a difference. It should be seen as a gift, but instead it is seen as a threat. The world doesn't understand the good parts and will often suppress it in infancy, so that all you have left is a deficiency. To crush your soul before you even have a chance to develop one.

You need to find a way to protect and nurture your inner geek, even though no one will recognize it and will try to kill it until you become a fully developed elephant. Good luck with that.

I don't have any advice as to how you can become more proud, other than seeing how the special interests and other special abilities (like excellent long-term memory) really are amazing traits that can create much success in the world. I can't even fathom not being proud of being an Aspie. I've always prided myself on being different/unique. I was first told that I had AS in the spring of '06, but I didn't accept the diagnosis until fall of '06, until I got an official diagnosis from an AS specialist. In those in-between months, I envied those who had a "real" diagnosis, because I thought of how cool it was to be an Aspie, how many cool things it offered a person. I was so happy when I got my "real" diagnosis, and I feel like part of an elite, special group. Everything that I pride about myself is something related to Asperger's, so my self-worth has pretty much always been defined in an AS way, even though I didn't know that it was AS for many, many years.
-OddDuckNash99-

It is not a gift. it is not a defect. It just is. Also neurotypicals dont see it as a threat. They see an Aspie as one who is a "less-than" and above all, someone who is bloody anoying. I've been on both sides of that before. Before I was medicated for depression, my AS case was much worse and all I could talk about ever were my special interests and let me tell you that is really anoying to anyone not similarly interested. I didnt understand why until I met someone recently who has AS worse than me. My God he's the most anoying person I've ever met.

Aspergers isn't fate. You can and should learn to interact with neurotypicals in a more effective way, the goal being coexistence and easier social interaction. If your AS case is holding you back from that then it is an impediment. From the point of view of being good at something such as math, or music, or art, it is a gift. However Aspergers itself isnt something to be proud of. What it helps you achieve however is worth being proud of. I for instance am an artist. My case of AS helps me see patterns and relationships in 3d forms. Without AS I might never have been able to do that. I am proud of what i can do. I'm proud that I am able to think in the right way to do what i can do. However Aspergers itself isnt something to be proud of. When you're not doing whatever you happen to be good at thanks to AS, aspergers is an impediment, whether you realize it or not.

LOL what is this excellent long-term memory of which you speak?

That made me laugh. Well, yes, not having superior LTM like some Aspies have does make AS not seem as great. I'll admit that.
-OddDuckNash99-

Ah....nice post Tahitiii.

I tend to think Asperger's is a gift too. But it can also be a curse, or as you said, a threat.

There seems to be a mean twist because it isn't socially acceptable. If you are AS and don't see it as a gift, then your aspieness will curse or destroy you. There is no inbetween. There is no option for mediocrity. Either use it fully to your advantage or get cursed and crushed by the abilities you refuse to use.

Of course refusing to use our abilities, is often what happens after 18 years of socialization, suppression, exclusion, intimidation, bullying, mental and physical torture, etc. To overcome a feeling of not belonging and not being worthy....is often extremely difficult or even impossible.