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gina-ghettoprincess
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21 Mar 2009, 9:04 am

Questions in the title.

Could apply to home, school, life in general, etc.

I ask because for some reason when someone online asks where I live, I always reply "I'm in Yorkshire," as opposed to, "I live in Yorkshire." Because Yorkshire is no home to me; I hate it here and can't wait to escape. I am still kinda angry at my parents for moving us here, and that was 7 years ago (not that South Wales, or Devon, or any of my previous addresses, have been much better). I certainly don't belong here in any sense of the word.

Can anyone relate to this?


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whitetiger
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21 Mar 2009, 9:45 am

All my life, I've felt that I don't belong. Not only did I run away from social situations through most of my childhood, but I grew up in a southern baptist, conservative environment when I am quite creative and liberal. That made life even harder.


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Liverbird
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21 Mar 2009, 10:53 am

My sense of belonging decreased when my comfortableness with my own skin increased. Not to say that there aren't still situations where I'm glaringly aware of having the invisible weird tattoo on my forehead.

I know that I'm doing a pretty good job of fitting in when I'm having a conversation with two coworkers and one said that he would never have known that I was Asperger's until he was told. Another coworker said that the only time he notices that I'm not quite right is when I'm in the hallway and someone says hi or some other random pleasantness to me and I don't respond. I told him that I have a hard time with that, there's no good script for those little pieces of human randomness. Occasionally, I'm just on a mission, too and I forget that I'm supposed to respond. Oh, well.

I think it's alot about experience, too. The more scripts that you can keep in your head, the better off you are. The more scripts you have, the more comfortable you are. It feels like the biggest part of problems with social interactions is just difficulty knowing what to do or say and being acutely aware of knowing that I don't know what to do.

The more comfortable I become with those things, the more I feel okay that I fit in or that I belong. I guess that home it's kind of the philosophy of "home is wherever you are".


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Emor
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21 Mar 2009, 11:07 am

whitetiger wrote:
All my life, I've felt that I don't belong. Not only did I run away from social situations through most of my childhood, but I grew up in a southern baptist, conservative environment when I am quite creative and liberal. That made life even harder.

I don't get it. Isn't the point of being Baptist to let your family choose what religion they want to follow?
Anyway, my friends consistently make feel left out and whenever I say something, people give me this alienating look. For example, last week someone told off their friend and then someone said, 'why did you do that, jerk?' and then I said(I wasn't the person who 'grassed' on them), 'isn't it suppose to be funny when people do that?' and they said, 'what?' and I said, 'tell of their friends?' and they gave me this alienating look and said, 'no...'. Then later I asked, 'Why does everyone do it then?' and she just ignored me.
Another time(ironically, it was with the same person) she said, 'Do you ever go out with your friends?'(I don't know why she asked, I was talking about what constitutes as 'Big'...) and I said, 'No...', 'What do you do then? Watch TV all day?', 'No. In-fact, I watch a lot less TV than the average person.' and then someone butted in and said, 'She's really good on computers, she types like this'*imitates me typing* and then they basically talk about me without me to justify my self through the whole lesson.
IDK. Doesn't make me feel like I belong. Don't really want to belong in a community like that.
As for family, I'm Atheist, they're all Catholic and insist I'm Catholic. I definitely don't fit in there.
As for my city(I know you did county, but meh), not really. Considering I only know 2 geeks and I probably am labeled as a geek(IDK if it's a stupid thing to do, follow stereotypes).
EMZ=]



millie
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21 Mar 2009, 1:30 pm

good crafty gina-ghettoprincesss has found access to a computer again. :lol:
as above posters note: Enjoy who you are. live in your own skin and find home there.



Fnord
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21 Mar 2009, 1:35 pm

gina-ghettoprincess wrote:
Ever feel you don't belong?

I have never felt that I completely and unconditionally belong with any group or individual.

But that's part of the Human Condition, so I don't obsess and get all emo about it ... much ...


Emor wrote:
whitetiger wrote:
All my life, I've felt that I don't belong. Not only did I run away from social situations through most of my childhood, but I grew up in a southern baptist, conservative environment when I am quite creative and liberal. That made life even harder.

I don't get it. Isn't the point of being Baptist to let your family choose what religion they want to follow?

No.

The point of being Baptist is to submit to patrilineal religious authority, to oppress women, and to suppress creativity and free thought.


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TallyMan
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21 Mar 2009, 1:55 pm

I've never felt like I really belong anywhere ever and I'm 48 now. A big part of that is seeing through each group or clique. There are lots of groups out there with open arms ready to accept newcomers into their fold; especially those with religious aims or leanings - "welcome" said the spider to the fly.

I chose to make my own way in life and that means being a non-conformist. I make my own rules and live my way. This by definition tends to mean being an outcast in the conventional sense. I think a lot of Aspies tend to be inclined this way - it isn't so much that we are rejected by various groups as we chose not to accept whatever crap they try to get us to digest to be a member.


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Sea_of_Saiyan
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21 Mar 2009, 2:10 pm

In all honesty, I've never felt like I belonged anywhere.

Everywhere I go it seems like it is only a matter of time before I am again rejected. I've grown accustomed to being alone though and I'm not emo about it either.

Maybe someday I'll find that person whom I can call a 'best friend'.



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21 Mar 2009, 2:18 pm

> Could apply to home, school, life in general, etc.

Absolutely. Family home, school, work, life in general.

I've tried to carve out a comfort zone for myself, but I'm not happy with the over all results, even though some things are very good. There's a reason this site is called wrongplanet, and I think your question hits right on it.



millie
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21 Mar 2009, 2:54 pm

Quote:
TallyMan wrote:
There are lots of groups out there with open arms ready to accept newcomers into their fold; especially those with religious aims or leanings - "welcome" said the spider to the fly.

/quote]


such an insult to insects. :lol:



howzat
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21 Mar 2009, 3:31 pm

I have always felt that way.



Zyborg
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21 Mar 2009, 3:34 pm

You think like machine. You feel like machine. You are machine.

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Callista
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21 Mar 2009, 3:37 pm

I've never felt I belonged anywhere; but that has never bothered me. I like to be self-contained. When asked to participate in something simply because others are, I feel quite threatened.


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21 Mar 2009, 3:38 pm

Image



elderwanda
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21 Mar 2009, 10:37 pm

I have felt that way my whole life, with the exception of my current family (meaning my husband and two boys, who are all either AS or pretty close to it).

Gina-Ghettoprincess, I'm sure you've heard this before, but it gets better. Or at least it gets different. At your age, you're very different than you were before (because of brain changes), and you're very different than you will be later on (again, because of brain changes.) So, whatever you're going through now, and however you feel...that will change. I wouldn't be thirteen again if you paid me, even if people were nicer to me.



isnessofwhatis
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22 Mar 2009, 2:10 am

I was talking to someone about this tonight. I went out to dinner and then went bowling with some people. I was super quiet the whole evening. When driving me home my friend said "You know you can talk". I did talk some but felt so out of place. I've been so out of place my whole life that I find it hard to feel like I fit in when I really do.