Just looking for input, I guess...

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Yeh, i guess that was the wrong approach.... Ill look around a little more

Sorry I don't have time right now to read your whole post, but I see it's your first so Welcome to Wrong Planet, descriptiveusername!

I skimmed through fairly quickly, and while I don't share all your problems, I can understand the difficulties. But if you want input, you need to focus on one or a few aspects of your life. It's impossible to know what input you want when you practically write an autobiography. Your story is so much like the stories of many of the members here that there's probably a tendency for people to react with "been there, done that." If you have a concern for which you'd like some response, ask, but don't throw the entire kitchen, including the sink, at us.

Take some time to read and get to know what's going on here. You will find people who share your particular concerns, and then you can respond and take part in the conversation.