Coping with other people's volatile moods

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I'm generally a pretty easy going person, and I know a few good relaxation techniques, which work if it's just me who needs to relax. The problem is when someone else is freaking out. My son has AS (more severe than myself, if I indeed have it) as well as a suspected mood disorder. Sometimes he gets so irritable, he starts screaming at people and becomes verbally abusive towards the object of his anger. His voice gets really high pitched, and insistent. He won't get that way if he's in an emotional state to be able to cope, but sometimes he just snaps, and you can't reason with him. I do understand, logically, that the best thing for me to do is to remain calm and supportive.

BUT, when I hear someone yelling and getting angry, my fight-or-flight response kicks in, and I feel a horrible wave of physical anxiety. When my son gets like that, his younger brother, who doesn't have the maturity to understand, starts yelling at HIM, so it gets worse. If my husband is around, he joins in.

I find myself wanting to crawl into a hole, and bury myself. I also find myself fantasizing about having my head chopped off so it will just end. No, I'm not suicidal...that would just make things much worse for my family, and I love them. But when all the yelling is happening, and everyone is freaking out over nothing (usually something like a slow internet connection), it's so hard to relax through it.

Does anyone else here have a really hard time coping with other people's volatile moods? I grew up in a house full of depression and anger...but I wasn't really aware of it, because my whole family (as a kid) was pretty much silent. There was no yelling, just fuming and sulking. But in this situation, I'm just sitting there, feeling fine, and then the "freaking out" happens all of a sudden, and it feels like an acute shock to my system, and is hard to recover from.

I don't know if this is AS related. It sounds like it is. I get this way to. I start to feel very confused when people are yelling and angry or even when I'm just confronted by people. But it might just be my MBTI personality type - INTP/INFP. I don't know.

If I had your situation I would probably take up drinking (I'm quite serious...)

But I'm not saying you should do that...lol.

I react exactly the same. I try to avoid such occurrences as they affect me deeply, but I can see how this would be impossible for you.

I don't know if it's related to AS or not - I grew up with an abusive father and i think that's the main reason why I still freeze when someone is yelling.