"That's different."

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Does anyone else get sick and tired being told this by people?


Every time I make a point or get my point across, I get told, "That's different." To me it's the same but I think they just don't like that I'm right so they are better off thinking it's totally different and think I'm just being black and white.

When I get really really upset, I like to be left alone. When my mother comes home from work after having a hard day, she also doesn't want to talk, especially when she is paying the bills, she also wants to be left alone.

So when I was telling her on the phone about my meltdown I had and how my bf wouldn't leave me alone when I told him too, she said lot of people like to be comforted and talked to when they are stressed and I told her she is the same way too and she denied it. So I told her she has been that way when she get home from work or when she be paying her bills, even Dad acts that way too when he is working and he gets all stressed out sometimes when he has too much work he has to get done so he is telling us to leave him alone. She said that was all different and said they all like to be comforted when they are stressed out or real upset. Yeah she said wanting to be left alone when you are paying bills or trying to get your work done was all different. See, people seem to find excuses so they'd rather say "Oh that's different." Sometimes they say, "It's not the same."

I definitively hate that...

There are some truths upon them with wich people don't like to be confronted.

"That's different" is my response to something I haven't made up my mind about yet. Something I'm not used to hearing and have not evaluated. AND that I'm not particularly interested in evaluating further at this moment, otherwise I would be saying "let me think about that." I am accepting the unique view as being the one you hold and moving on to something else.

"That's not the same" is used in entirely different situations, when someone is trying to equate two concepts that I do not find to be an appropriate comparison. I would agree with your mom and dad on the example you gave. Paying bills is a time to focus and get a job done; you aren't upset. Alone time after work is often needed to make the adjustment from work to home; you aren't upset then, either; you are making a mental transition. Although, I know full well NOT to try to comfort someone in the middle of a melt-down; getting through that is an isolated process. Perhaps the closest comparison for some NT's would be a panic attack, or when someone tries to push them into doing something they don't want to do. Comfort is for upsets like losing a job, breaking up with a boyfriend, feeling pain. Not for sensory overload. I recommend teaching your boyfriend that key difference.

...I find that "...for you." is my preferred response when people insist things are different than what they appear to be. Some people get it, some don't.


M.