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Why do NTs hate hearing the word, "Why?"

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CleverKitten
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30 Mar 2009, 2:47 pm

They hate it when they're asked "Why did you *insert action here*?"

"Why does x affect y?"

"Why this?"

"Why that?"



For some odd reason, the NTs that I know hate being asked "Why", especially if the questions deal with their own behaviors.


Why is this? :?


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Fnord
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30 Mar 2009, 2:50 pm

Why not?



CleverKitten
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30 Mar 2009, 2:52 pm

Wow, I even predicted that response from you, Fnord. Funny. :lol:


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Spokane_Girl

30 Mar 2009, 2:52 pm

Few reasons:

Too lazy to answer
They don't want to think of a reason why they did it
They don't know the answer
They don't know the explanation


Even I have gotten it from aspies too so its not an NT thing to hate being asked 'why.'



OrderAndChaos30
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30 Mar 2009, 2:56 pm

Very simple. Its human nature to just want to believe. Just believing what they want to is the easy way. Knowing, seeking answers takes effort. Its is essence a matter of laziness.


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Fnord
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30 Mar 2009, 2:58 pm

CleverKitten wrote:
Wow, I even predicted that response from you, Fnord. Funny. :lol:

Evidence, ple ... oh, never mind.



reddingcal
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30 Mar 2009, 3:00 pm

CleverKitten wrote:
They hate it when they're asked "Why did you *insert action here*?"

"Why does x affect y?"

"Why this?"

"Why that?"



For some odd reason, the NTs that I know hate being asked "Why", especially if the questions deal with their own behaviors.


Why is this? :?


I too ask NTs "Why" and I'm almost always met with either an upset response, or an agitated half-hearted self deprecating response. Usually they raise their voice and act hysterical and angry that you would ask them something to do with logic. I have almost never been given a valid reason or thought process. To be honest I just wanted to understand why...is that so terrible?

I think that its perfectly logical to figure out "why". After all isn't it wise to learn from mistakes? Why be ignorantly oblivious to the problems and thought processes that lead to the behavior?



Spokane_Girl

30 Mar 2009, 3:02 pm

I like pissing them off :lol:


So I just keep asking lot of questions. They need to toughen up.



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30 Mar 2009, 3:04 pm

Because the answer given is the one you think the asker wanted, so why is more needed? Your mind is prepared to move onto something else, and here you are being pulled back. Even worse, you may not remember "why," you may just remember the result. NT's keep a lot less back up data in their brains, personal observation, because it doesn't seem necessary to do so (I consider myself NT and that is how it is with me, at least). I've learned with my son to just say, "I don't (know or remember, as applicable) why; if it's really important to you we can look it up later."

Even when I do know and answer, we're likely to end up in a round robin of answers followed by more why's, and I'm quite aware at the first "why" that is likely to be where it's headed. Hence, I'll answer more completely in the hopes of avoiding the next "why." When you get to the third why, you've wondering if they really want to know, or if they're testing you and playing with you, because who could really want to know all that???


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DW_a_mom
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30 Mar 2009, 3:06 pm

Spokane_Girl wrote:
I like pissing them off :lol:


So I just keep asking lot of questions. They need to toughen up.


Now there's confirmation on my last point ;)

I hate wasting time for someone else's entertainment. Really annoying.


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reddingcal
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30 Mar 2009, 3:09 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
Because the answer given is the one you think the asker wanted, so why is more needed? Your mind is prepared to move onto something else, and here you are being pulled back. Even worse, you may not remember "why," you may just remember the result. NT's keep a lot less back up data in their brains, personal observation, because it doesn't seem necessary to do so (I consider myself NT and that is how it is with me, at least). I've learned with my son to just say, "I don't (know or remember, as applicable) why; if it's really important to you we can look it up later."

Even when I do know and answer, we're likely to end up in a round robin of answers followed by more why's, and I'm quite aware at the first "why" that is likely to be where it's headed. Hence, I'll answer more completely in the hopes of avoiding the next "why." When you get to the third why, you've wondering if they really want to know, or if they're testing you and playing with you, because who could really want to know all that???


I remember everything in kind of a flashbulb memory experience.

Spokane_Girl wrote:
I like pissing them off :lol:


So I just keep asking lot of questions. They need to toughen up.


:lol: Yeah just keep saying "Why" again and again. That is sure to annoy them.



capriwim
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30 Mar 2009, 3:39 pm

Because analysing one's motives and actions can lead to awkward ethical dilemmas, so a lot of people try to avoid it. Psychologically, people like to see consistency in their actions and moral values, and will try to justify any apparently inconsistency.



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30 Mar 2009, 7:14 pm

People just want you to take things as they are, so they get offended when you ask "why". I never fully understood this NT habit. I always want to know why. Sometimes people take that simple curiosity and misinterpret it as a criticism. For example, if I go to a restaurant, and I ask them to alter a simple menu item for me, and the waiter says "we can't do that." I say "oh. why?" He gets either confused or offended and says "we just can't, sorry." Then I have to explain to him why they really CAN do it, because they have the ingredients and the know-how. Then they usually realize I'm too much trouble to argue with and I get my food. Now, if he provides me with a valid and logical reason why they can't do it, then I accept that and move on. But when I ask "why" I expect an answer.



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30 Mar 2009, 7:58 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
... I've learned with my son to just say, "I don't (know or remember, as applicable) why; if it's really important to you we can look it up later."

An excellent answer.

DW_a_mom wrote:
Even when I do know and answer, we're likely to end up in a round robin of answers followed by more why's, and I'm quite aware at the first "why" that is likely to be where it's headed. Hence, I'll answer more completely in the hopes of avoiding the next "why." When you get to the third why, you've wondering if they really want to know, or if they're testing you and playing with you, because who could really want to know all that???

Two things:

Firstly, sometimes I repeat the "why?" process because I'm genuinely testing the other person's awareness of what they are talking about. I like to feel that I am teaching them something about their own thought processes. (While I'm also finding out what those thought processes are.)

Secondly, I really do want to "know all that", as I'm a compulsive learner.

(Which reminds me... I must look up <<< fill in this space with one of the several things I was going to look up yesterday, but forgot to >>>)

(PS. And I did remember what I wanted to look up, and I did look it up, and have learnt some more.)


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30 Mar 2009, 8:16 pm

ooohprettycolors wrote:
People just want you to take things as they are, so they get offended when you ask "why". I never fully understood this NT habit. I always want to know why. Sometimes people take that simple curiosity and misinterpret it as a criticism. For example, if I go to a restaurant, and I ask them to alter a simple menu item for me, and the waiter says "we can't do that." I say "oh. why?" He gets either confused or offended and says "we just can't, sorry." Then I have to explain to him why they really CAN do it, because they have the ingredients and the know-how. Then they usually realize I'm too much trouble to argue with and I get my food. Now, if he provides me with a valid and logical reason why they can't do it, then I accept that and move on. But when I ask "why" I expect an answer.


WOW, I have done the SAME! In such a case, they often tell me it is pre-made/pre-mixed! At other times? Well.... I recently asked a TACO BELL franchise to give me a taco fresco style...

http://www.tacobell.com/fresco/

There are only a FEW reasons to become a franchise owner...

1. A STANDARD menu!
2. A STANDARD method!
3. A CUSTOMER BASE that has comfort because of 1 and 2.
4. TRANING to provide 1 and 2, and support the 3rd..
5. A plan to facilitate 1,2,3,4.
6. Advertising that is due to, depends on, and assumes 1,2,3.4,5.

That is IT!! !! ! If not for that, franchise business would DIE, because it limits autonomy, and is more expensive.

With all that, that tacobell had NO idea what I was talking about!
:lol: :lol: :lol: :roll:



sketches
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30 Mar 2009, 8:20 pm

I don't know. I heard it intimidates them. I continue to ask "Why?" anyway.

ooohprettycolors wrote:
For example, if I go to a restaurant, and I ask them to alter a simple menu item for me, and the waiter says "we can't do that." I say "oh. why?" He gets either confused or offended and says "we just can't, sorry." Then I have to explain to him why they really CAN do it, because they have the ingredients and the know-how. Then they usually realize I'm too much trouble to argue with and I get my food. Now, if he provides me with a valid and logical reason why they can't do it, then I accept that and move on. But when I ask "why" I expect an answer.


I do the same thing. It's a genuine curiosity; not a test for the waiter.

Jeez, my boyfriend and family members and some close friends completely hate being asked, "Why?" The ONLY reason why me and him ever start arguments are either: a.) me being literal, or b.) me asking "Why?" People should learn how to think in why-terms.