I SAID I was sorry.....grr

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Does anyone else find it really annoying when you realise you have made a mistake, you apologise and it's not acknowledged or accepted?

It makes me want to take "sorry" back, and add a "your mama" comment as well.

I totally get where you're coming from, but your last line was proabably one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. That's awesome! It's what most people think but never say.

I find that the tone used during the apology makes it fall under two categories. Said nicely or with some sound of regret, falls into "Yeah, I screwed up and I'm sorry." Said in a snark aggitated way, falls under "Okay, whatever. I'm not all that sorry, but if I say it maybe you'll get off my back."

Yes. I have even taken my "sorry's" back a few times because people didn't get over it or were still holding it against me. Sorry is supposed to make you feel better and you get over it and not hold it against that person and keep carrying on about it.

I've had an incident like that. But luckily they haven't reminded me of it or came back, so I don't let it bother me. Talking with someone else about it or writing it down really helps me let it out.

Sadly, it's usually my mother and my son who are the main offenders for not accepting even the most heartfelt sorry...or even an "im sorry" present.I'm lucky to get a "humph"
So a "your mama" is not particularly good retort (besides, my grandma wasn't fat).
But I think it.

First, a few words on the "correct" method of apology...

1. State the infraction. Don't mince words, come directly to the point, and stay on topic. If you lost something, say "I lost your ________." If caught in a lie, say "I lied."

2. Admit that what you did was wrong. Say, "What I did was wrong."

3. Take full responsibility for what you did, without offering excuses. Say only, "It's entirely my fault."

4. Apologize for what you've done. Say, "I'm sorry for having done what I did."

5. Promise to do better in the future. Say, "I promise to do better."

6. Offer restitution. Say, "How can I make it up to you?"

If they still won't accept your apology, then just let the matter drop. You've done your part. The rest is up to them.

What NOT to say...

Anything in a snarky or sarcastic tone of voice.

Anything in anger.

"I'm sorry you feel that way" or "I'm sorry your feelings were hurt." Their feelings are theirs to deal with. You should apologize for your actions, and nothing more.

"... but it's not my fault." Unless you take full responsibility for your own actions, then you may as well not apologize at all.

"I said I was sorry." This implies that to you, "I'm sorry" are no more than two magic words that wipe everything away and make the offended person feel better. They aren't. They are an expression of the offender's regret, and if you feel no regret, then you are not sorry, so don't bother saying them.

Finally, if you go through all of this and are still not forgiven, then they don't want an apology, they want a freaking award ceremony! Many would rather not receive an apology, but would rather hold it over you as a "Debt of Guilt" - meaning than from this day forward, you owe them, no matter how many times you've made it up to them.

I've got to the point where if I say sorry and they don't accept it, then f**k them. It's their loss.

I wish I could be more histrionic at times.

I went to get some OTC meds at WalMart. You have to get them at the counter, so I picked up the plastic card and went to the counter. I got my stuff, paid for it, and as I went to leave, this woman behind me goes off with "I don't appreciate your cutting in front of everyone in line" nonsense.

1. From how I approached the counter, I saw nobody waiting in line.

2. The clerk said nothing about others being in line before me.

3. I never looked behind me, so I didn't have a clue there was anyone else waiting.

4. NOBODY IN LINE SAID A PEEP THE WHOLE TIME.

I apologized, but she kept making an issue of it. I was so tempted to say something along the lines of, "Maybe next time you'll speak up you stupid ______." However, I knew that wouldn't help matters, so I held my tongue.

Yeah, it is annoying. But even though I may get a bit mad, it gets forgotten not long later.

Sometimes one word isn't enough to dismiss certain negative events/actions, etc.
I doubt no one would accept Hitler's apology(I know it pisses the hell out of some people when people compare Hitler to things, it's just easier to do that...).
I understand what you mean though, when people don't accept an apology for a minor thing. But I think it's kind of an obvious thing.
EMZ=]

Here is something I notice. You tell someone you're sorry and that person goes "Oh no that's fine" and then they are still holding it against you after acting like they forgive you. My mother told me sometimes saying sorry isn't good enough. So why say "It's okay" "On no that's fine" "It's fine" or "Don't worry about it?"

I notice this in myself sometimes too. I do it without thinking. I think I do this to avoid a tough situation where you're supposed to get angry at the other person, or to make a big deal out of it in some other way. I don't want to make a big deal about it because I don't know how to handle that.

Don't know if this applies to NTs too.

It annoys me when someone (like a teacher) tries to MAKE you apologise for something, but that's like asking you to lie because what if you ain't sorry because you still believe that you were in the right?

It is frustrating to say sorry and have it rejected, but on the other hand, sometimes people can't just get over something that has hurt them. My ex would occasionally say something that upset me terribly, and later on he would say "I'm sorry" but even though I said "ok" his earlier words still hurt. I needed time to process what he' had said and let it go.

I guess what I'm saying is, you can't control other people's reactions. If your apology is a genuine one, then the other person will come around when they are ready to. If you are just apologising because you think that's what you ought to do and don't really mean it, then the chances are the person will pick up on it and not really care about your apology. The main thing is to really really mean that you're sorry.

I've witnessed plenty of situations (none that I took part in) where the apologizer clearly didn't mean it -- especially because there's absolutely nothing he/she could do about it. This sort of thing happens, and I don't know of a solution.

I personally agree with the opinion of the people who were wronged, who won't accept the apologies because they're actually out-of-place, and they're more like "pity sorries." Ligea_Seroua, if this has happened to you, think about what you can do to make it up to the person. Could you promise not do whatever it was ever again?

Think about relevance, too. Some people will accept flowers out of the blue, while others would prefer something that had to do with the situation.

I feel like I'm being told off As if I don't get enough of that!

Recent examples of sorry not being the hardest word to say, but the hardest to acknowledge....

"Oh, I see you've finished the chocolates.".(back story...yes, because they were mine, and in fact were a gift to me...I did the obligatory sharing, and you had your share, which you weren't actually entitled to)

" Mummy, want to see THAT film"..(back story, son is 9, he invariably tries to pick something like "showgirls" or "saw II".

No, if I have genuinely done something bad, and apologies just cant make up for the hurt..thats understandable. Pointless sulking by others because I ocasionally am not a doormat is what I hate. If I make the effort to learn manners, so can they.