Anyone ever just, not believe you?

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Haven't been around in a while, but I've had this question for the past couple of months:

Has anybody important to you ever just refused to believe that you had a diagnosis of something?

And of course, give me a damn story. Don't just say yes

Like, I'll be honest, I don't have any official diagnosis. A couple Psych Professors I have had have commented to me in the past that I might have AS, I feel that I do, that test I forgot the name of scored me heavily in the AS range and very little in the NT range... anyway, my point is, although I think I have it, I have no paper proof.

My best friend thinks I'm just bullshitting and says, "You don't have AS, you're just an as*hole and you hate people."

My girlfriend just goes, "No. No you don't. You're being ridiculous." And every time I try to talk to her about it she repeats the same

Now I don't really care about my best friend believing me. I mean, christ, she's been around for about 8 or 9 years now. AS or not she ain't going anywhere 'till one of us moves out of state.

But my girlfriend, like, I got into a serious discussion with her the other day about how I can't go out to a club with her and her cousins (this was something really important to her). And it's like, she says it's fine, that's great (I think she means it, for now anyway), but I don't think she understands that going to a club isn't "Something I don't want to do." it's "Something I feel that I can not now, and will never be able to do." I can't. I can't do it. I'd flip out. If I managed to walk in there, I'd just stare at the floor the whole time and try to keep her near me for support. I'd be bringing everybody down that went with us.

s**ts just not gonna happen.

And I'm trying to talk to her about this because stuff like this (my not being able to do "fun" social things with her) is pretty much the cause of the failure of all of my previous relationships. I need her to understand that this WHOLE topic is something that is VERY serious to me, and it isn't just me being a prick, it's me trying to avoid a panic attack of epic proportions and the feeling like I'm dying for a consecutive 5 hours. And then she just goes, "You're being ridiculous."

So anyway, that's my story, you guys and gals got any?

yes i embarrassingly opened up to my mum about it, and told her the whole story of how i came to be diagnosed. which is my partner was seeing a therapist and she recognised that certain behaviors of mine sounded familiar to her, so i saw her and blah blah) and it was very hard for me to tell my mum but i thought i should do it because i thought that it would help if i let her into my emotional landscape a little bit and maybe it would make us feel closer, so i told the whole story and she just says "aww... no...no thats not true, she's silly, you don't have aspergers, my brother has aspergers and he is inhuman, you, you are really nice and caring but my brother is cold and inhuman and he has aspergers" and i said "its not because of aspergers that your brother is an a***hole, you can be nice and have aspergers too" and she said " no...no...your just too nice"... haha hmmm, so it was kind of pointless,
but i also realised that whether my mum thinks i have it or not or whether i have it or not it all doesnt matter. i still am the way that i am and however i negotiate around that and what ever language i chose to describe who or how i am, the outcome is the same. so some people will think you dont have the right to self diagnose, and even if you get a diagnosis they will think that the whoever diagnosed is a trigger happy therapist who wants to diagnose everyone with everything.
but also you cant expect your girlfriend to understand what its like to go into a club for you.
and sometimes being in a relationship means that you will have to go into that club, even if it will make you feel like s**t for the next week. sometimes you need to do those things. but sometimes they work against you as well.
so i havent really solved the problem yet either.
but the only reason i come in to this forum is because i read about the experiences of people and i understand them, and they resonate with me and i feel the same way, and you dont find that anywhere else. and i shouldnt expect to.
anyway...

Yes, in fact this post could have been written by me.
I don't have an official diagnosis either but those I've known who are familiar with autism have all thought I probably have it.

Still, most I have known-- including most of my family-- refuse to acknowledge that there IS something wrong (well not WRONG but you know) with me that's beyond my control. It's just the way I'm wired. For the longest time my mom would not accept it, writing off my reclusive ways as just a teenage phase sort of thing so when it never went away she was irritated and tried to medicate me until finally she gave up and accepted it.

And I can completely relate on the whole club going thing. I've never been to one and I don't want to. For some reason this is bizarre to most people. Soo many times I've had that conversation--- "So, what do you do for fun?" "Um, well, I like to read and watch movies and write.." "But what do you do for fun?"

I have tried to explain to such people that going into a club, for me would be sensory overload and I'd probably hide in a dark corner of the parking lot/restroom the entire time but then they just stare at me blankly.

An ex boyfriend of mine broke up with me (drunkenly over the phone) because, in his words, "I don't have fun when I'm with you."
Because I didn't want to do "normal" things often like play pool and go to clubs and other loud places with too many people.

See, my idea of "fun" is hanging out and talking while listening to music, or going to the park at night and having a picnic, or watching a movie, or visiting with a small group of friends, or making green pancakes, or driving/walking aimlessly through town, or browsing antique shops or book stores, or dressing up strangely and singing songs.. Stuff like that. I understand that everyone has their own idea of Fun but *still*, so many people just do the SAME. EXACT. THING. over and over and over. And then mock YOU for not "being any fun".

GNARFLEARF. Grr.

A person do not have to go to nightclubs or fun if they do not want to or spend hours up the pub drinking alcohol like it is a competitive sport. It can be REALLY dangerous in places for an autistic. I have been in a club with some neurotypicals in 1994 and someone was glassed in the face when I was there. I do not want to go in one again. If a person want to spend his or her time with a few friends that he or she can trust or do writing or looking for books etc thats fine but for autistics that is fun for them even watching cartoons can be fun for autistic adults and teenagers rather than hanging around and acting like ferile dogs which some neurotypical people do when young. That is not fun that is stupid and drinking like it is a competitive sport is not fun it is harmful and rots the liver anyway. Autistic activities such as reading writing using the computer are OK and at least you don't risk a beating from a predatory drunken neurotypical

People generally have little difficulty believing that I suffer from a mental illness.

Jeezus. I've heard that one before... except they weren't drunk... and they weren't a guy

Yeah I know nightclubs aren't a requirement of fun -- for me anyway. which is why I feel bad about not being able to do the "fun things" that other people enjoy -- which is why i try to make concessions. I'll probably never go to a club, but I have been known to go to a party with people "our" age (I hate people my age...) and family functions aren't a problem. I know some people b***h about having to go to a wedding, but like, yeah I'm not going to *ENJOY* it, but i'm not going to die either. So I'd rather go to a hundred weddings before I go to a club

Well so far I'm lucky (again) in that she's currently understanding(ish?) of my situation -- even if it is so goddamn condescending when somebody says "oh no dear, there is nothing wrong with you." I always want to say "Easy for you to say, you aren't the one with my mind" but then I feel it'll turn into a whole "Well what are you thinking???" thing, and then the only answer to that one is "You don't want to know..." etc blah blah, that can't turn out well

Well she'd probably believe you if you got an actual diagnosis. I don't know if you can blame autism for not being able to go to a club. It may just be that you don't like the club atomosphere, and that's your own personal preference. I have gone to raves and clubs years ago and I actually did quite well in those situations, mostly because I don't have to do any human interaction and I can dance like a ret*d gorilla and people will just assume I'm on drugs or drunk, and not make fun of me.

For me it's the family functions that will set me off, I just don't go to them anymore.

You have to really wonder, if those closest to you don't see any signs or symptoms of autism, what makes you think you have it? As part of my diagnostic process my relatives (I don't have any friends...) were asked to fill out many forms and give phone interviews about my behavior from birth on, and it was quite apparent from everyone who knew me that I had all the signs. If you have friends, and they don't see it, then it's probably no wonder they don't believe you.

My family and relatives are aware that I have some sort of disability -- my parents KNOW I was diagnosed with Asperger's. I haven't told any of my friends, because I just found out about the diagnosis this year, but they have always been sooo kind and accepting anyway, so I haven't felt the need to bring the news to them lately.

Anyway, my dad is helpful and he totally cares that I was diagnosed with Asperger's, and he's extremely accepting, and he advises me with what to do in social situations.

My boyfriend on the other hand, doesn't believe in disorders and syndromes and disabilities (and honestly, neither do I*), and he truly believes that I'm just a rude and uncaring person. When I'm literal, sometimes he says I'm being "stupid" just because he expects me to know the figurative meaning.

The most common word I have ever heard from any of my friends is that I'm "silly." That's not an offensive term, but after hearing that specific word to describe me for many years, I've come to realize that it's an appropriate term to describe my Asperger's traits. Even so, my friends still act like friends toward me. My boyfriend still loves me.

*I know I'm sounding contradicting here, but I'm not one for terms to describe how people act. It's just a socially-constructed thing in my opinion; nothing official, nothing medical. The simplest example that I can give is: at WP, although we all suspect we have Asperger's or autism (excluding the NTs), nobody acts the same way. It's just a term for us.

People are shocked when I tell them that I have both autism and schizoaffective disorder. But for the schizoaffective disorder, sometimes I tell them what I believe (the so called "delusions") and suddenly they agree that I am schizoaffective. Its not that common to have a autistic schizoaffective speaker at conferences and other places.

Except, don´t forget that the average person knows very little about Asperger´s Syndrome. Some seem to assume that people with AS have no compassion (as opposed to empathy), and are always mean and violent people!

A friend of mine told me I can´t possibly be on the spectrum because I´m "loquacious". Even though people with AS are sometimes described as being "loquacious", and can go on and on about a particular subject, she obviously doesn´t know that...

Kids thought I was stupid and ret*d when I was growing up so they teased me for it. I was normal enough but not disabled enough so they knew they could get away with it. The school principal was a hypocrite. She had the rule for respect but allowed bullying. How is bullying other kids showing respect? I bet I pointed that out to her in sixth grade.
The staff also didn't think I had AS and said I had ADD despite my poor social skills, sensory issues, poor balance and gross motor skills, OCDness, language processing disorder, and they said I had behavior problems.
When we moved to Montana, it all changed.

My ex didn't think anymore I had AS and said I had PDD because I wasn't good at math, seemed below average to him, liked kids shows and movies, wasn't organized like him, and I was too far into my own world and I was child like. He also didn't like my stims. The stereotypes sure got to him and because I don't have any aspie stereotypes I couldn't have had it. Plus he thought my self help skills weren't good just because I had troubles understanding directions, needed help to fill out my applications when I first started applying for jobs when I was 19, and the fact I don't like to cook.

I just want to touch on the fact that I'm not here to prove anything to you, nor is that what the topic is about.

Thanks for sharing your stories I much appreciate them

Spokane_Girl: Geeze, teased is tough. I was just ignored. I dressed poorly and didn't talk much, and rarely got a haircut, so people kind of stayed away from me.

People seem to be picking out the most rediculously sh***y reasons for saying someone is "fine" or something else is different about them: "the fact I don't like to cook." Wtf? And again, "loquacious"? lol That doesn't just suddenly exclude someone.

My mom oscillates between "Asperger's isn't real! You're just smart and strong-willed and sensitive!" and "OMG you are so disabled come home and I'll put you in this assisted living facility over here!"

Needless to say, I am fond of neither opinion and I wish she would just even out and see that the actual truth is somewhere in the middle.

Of course, she has the Aspie black and white thinking, so it may never happen. Sigh.

Eveyone I've told believed me except for one girl I was friends with a few years ago, when I told her about my AS she said "you're not different!" I decided to take it as a compliment well at least she didn't notice.

This, except I have COS.

People who don't believe me tend to change their minds when I tell them about what goes on in my head.

nobody i knows gets all heavy up on my life so i dont know